Talk:Matt Joyce (baseball)/GA1
Latest comment: 3 years ago by Sanfranciscogiants17 in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 02:09, 6 June 2021 (UTC)
I'll be reviewing this! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 02:09, 6 June 2021 (UTC)
Lead
edit- I would mention the year of the exhibition game, to show whether he got drafted right away or was put on their radar for later.
- I don’t think you need to mention “alongside Burke Badenhop and Will Rhymes” in the lead. This was more important back when people thought those guys actually might be good. Today, its more like saying Rhys Hoskins once played with Nick Williams. :)
Done What, you're saying Nick Williams was a disappointment? xD Kncny11 (shoot) 20:06, 8 June 2021 (UTC)
- Link pitcher on first mention
- ”He played” – “Joyce played” to prevent slight possibility of misreading.
- ”in July” – specify that this was July 2015.
- Done Good catch! Kncny11 (shoot) 20:06, 8 June 2021 (UTC)
- ”with whom he began to improve.” – “”with whom his performance improved.” Unless you’re referring to his health.
- ”cut short after a lumbar strain in July 2018” – “cut short after a July 2018 lumbar strain ended his season.”
- Take out “and Marlins teammate Brandon Kintzler” – not notable enough for lead.
Early life
edit- In the second paragraph, refer to Rays as “Devil Rays,” since this is what they were known as back then.
- ”to pitch in” – “to play in” (he’s never pitched).
- Done WOW I've been working on too many pitchers Kncny11 (shoot) 20:06, 8 June 2021 (UTC)
- Also, link pitcher on first mention in prose.
College career
edit- I would specify Joyce signed with the Tigers, since not all draft picks do these days.
- Link home run on first mention
- ”when he held to a .329 batting average” – “when he batted .329” (but make sure you still link batted to batting average).
Minor league career
edit- ”as teammates Burke Badenhop” – take teammates out, because it’s a little redundant with the second part of the sentence, which I think will also help the reader know they were teammates.
- ”and scoring four home runs” – “and recording four home runs”
- ”By May 19, his batting average sank” – I think after by, it should be in the past tense – “had sunk”
- ”He recovered” – “He had recovered”
Detroit Tigers
edit- Change 2008 MLB season to 2008 season, as he wasn’t in the major leagues yet.
- ”in the first 28 games of the season” – “in the team’s first 28 games.”
- ”and changeups, and believed” – seems to be a bit of a run-on sentence. How about “and changeups. Joyce believed”
- ”pulled oblique, and remained” – “pulled oblique, remaining”
- Put “(AL)” after first mention of American League.
- Also, link lineup to Batting order (baseball) on first mention
- Clarify that he was the first Tigers rookie position player to win the award since Clark in 1996.
- Don’t need comma in batting average sentence at end of second paragraph.
- ”with Mexicali, and improved his strikeout record against curveballs” - ”with Mexicali, striking out less on curveballs”
Tampa Bay Rays
edit- Now that we refer to the Rays as the Devil Rays earlier on, I’d add an endnote about their change to the Rays in the 2008 season. (If you need help figuring out how to do endnotes, see Willie Mays. The endnotes are the lowercase letters in brackets. I say this because it took me forever to figure out how to do it the first time!)
- Done How dare you make me do endnotes, I thought we were friends Kncny11 (shoot) 21:13, 8 June 2021 (UTC)
- Link Opening Day on first mention
- More details on the 2008 home run? And clarify those three games were with the Rays, not the Bulls.
- Also, link hit on first mention
- ”held to a .273 batting average” – “batted .273”
- ”and 75 RBIs, and Rays' general” – “and 75 RBIs. Rays’ general”
- I would take out the part about Zobrist—he had already been in the big leagues a number of years at this point and wasn’t really establishing himself, even though you’re right that the injury to Joyce did give him more playing time.
Partly done I reworded it to make him sound like less of an up-and-comer, but the replacement did shape the Rays' season that year, so I left the Zobrist reference in Kncny11 (shoot) 21:13, 8 June 2021 (UTC)
- ” By the time that he returned” – “By the time that Joyce returned” to prevent possible misreading (though probably at least 90 percent of people would know what you meant).
- Don’t need the comma after 30 contests
- ”and infielder Will Rhymes” – “and Rhymes” since he’s already mentioned.
- ”He batted” – “Joyce batted”
- ”Joyce scored” – “Joyce recorded”
- ”Overall, however,” – I’d take out however, since an up-and-down performance is definitely going to have some ups.
- ”in his second year of arbitration, agreeing to” – “in his second year of arbitration, as he agreed to”
- ”which saw no home runs” – “in which he hit no home runs”
- Link total bases on first mention”
- ”look for trade destinations” – “seek to trade him”
- Also, general note—could you mention his playoff stats (and any highlights) in 2010, 2011, and 2013?
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
edit- Link designated hitter in last paragraph of Rays section and delink it here.
- Mention at end of section he became a free agent.
Pittsburgh Pirates
edit- ”the Pittsburgh Pirates confirmed that they had signed” – “the Pittsburgh Pirates signed”
- Link pinch hitter on first mention
- It was a single-season record, not an all-time record
- Don’t need comma after 15
- Mention at end of section that he became a free agent.
Oakland Athletics
edit- In the part about the slur, may want to mention that Joyce said the fan had been yelling vulgar and obscene words about his family, and also that Joyce said he had “a lot of respect” for the LGBTQ+ community.
- Seems like there’s more we could say about a season in which he hit 25 home runs. Any other highlights?
- Mention he became a free agent after the 2018 season.
Atlanta Braves
edit- In the last sentence, say “Joyce batted,” just for clarification.
- Don’t need to mention he was a free agent, since you cover it in the Marlins section.
Miami Marlins
edit- Mention some stuff about his playoff performance. I know he didn’t really do anything special, but at least give the stats.
- Done Apparently he was the last out of the Cinderella run. Womp womp Kncny11 (shoot) 20:54, 8 June 2021 (UTC)
- Mention he became a free agent after the season.
Playing style
edit- ”he leads all active MLB pinch hitters with 40 hits and 70 total bases since 2016, and is tied for first with seven home runs” – This is from an early 2021 source. I would change to “he led all active MLB pinch hitters with 40 hits and 70 total bases from 2017 through 2020, tying for first with seven home runs”. That way, this will never need to be updated.
- Take Mike out before Scioscia since you mentioned him earlier.
- Also, that was manager Scioscia, not general manager Scioscia.
References
edit- Make sure all the Tampa Bay Times references are formatted the same way (it is not italicized on #34).
- Not necessary for GA, but if you could archive ref 50, that would be helpful, as MLB.com seems to only save its articles for a few years.
- Done Manually archived. You're right, and it's frustrating Kncny11 (shoot) 20:09, 8 June 2021 (UTC)
If that looks like a lot of comments, it’s just because this is a long article. Mostly minor stuff. Nice work on a veteran! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 03:06, 6 June 2021 (UTC)
- Sanfranciscogiants17 I think I hit everything! Kncny11 (shoot) 21:45, 8 June 2021 (UTC)
- Kncny11 I think you did too! Passing; nice work! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 22:30, 8 June 2021 (UTC)