Talk:Maribel Domínguez/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: ComputerJA (talk · contribs) 18:11, 30 October 2013 (UTC)
Review
edit- Hello. Thank you for nominating the article. I'll be reviewing it in the next 1-5 days and be posting my concerns here. All the best, ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 18:11, 30 October 2013 (UTC)
Initial comments
editOverall, a good article. It's cited throughout and I did not find any major instances of copyright violations. I know it's hard to update an article of this kind, considering that a lot of women are underrepresented in the football media, notwithstanding how good they can be. I choose this article for review because I remember watching her play back when I used to watch football on a regular basis–and I want to thank you for updating it. Anyways, below are my concerns. I'll be giving a week for them to be addressed. ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 01:24, 1 November 2013 (UTC)
- Thanks for your review. I've made some progress on the suggested revisions with comments listed below. I will be following up on those that do not have comments over the next few days. Hmlarson (talk) 20:34, 1 November 2013 (UTC)
- Cool, thanks! Happy editing, ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 00:34, 2 November 2013 (UTC)
- Thanks for your review. I've made some progress on the suggested revisions with comments listed below. I will be following up on those that do not have comments over the next few days. Hmlarson (talk) 20:34, 1 November 2013 (UTC)
- Introduction
I think the intro needs to be updated to comply with WP:LEAD. I do not think it effectively summarizes the whole article, and most of the things on the lead are not found elsewhere in the article. Please fix this.
- is captain and leading scorer of the Mexico women's national football team – This should be cited elsewhere in the article, not just in the lead. There is no reference of the captain elsewhere.
- She is also known as "Marigol" for her record of 46 goals scored in 49 matches for the Mexican national team - Same goes for her nickname. In addition, given that she is often referred to as "Marigol", I think it should be bolded.
- As of 2013, Domínguez has played the most games (109) and scored the most goals (75) in the history of the women's national team - Should be cited elsewhere too, not just in the lead.
- She holds the distinction of being the only Mexican player to have appeared and scored for the Mexican team in Olympic Games, World Cup, Gold Cup and Pan American Games - And same goes for this, too.
:: I will work on updating the lead after updates the rest of the article. Hmlarson (talk) 20:34, 1 November 2013 (UTC)
- Infobox
- Her role in the PanAmerican Games is not found anywhere in the article text. Please fix this.
- Early life
- The youngest of ten children, Domínguez was born in Mexico City, México – DOB is included in the infobox but not in the paragraph. Please include it with an appropriate reference. In addition, the é should not be included in Mexico in English.
- Date of birth is listed in the lead per WP:OPENPARAGRAPH. I've removed the é. Hmlarson (talk) 20:34, 1 November 2013 (UTC)
- "My father was very old-fashioned … practice in the street." – This is a standalone quote, which is generally not preferable in its current size, so please consider reducing it. It should have a closing or opening part introducing it (i.e. Domínguez said).
- Growing up in a culture that did not fully embrace women and girls playing football – I see no direct reference to this in the source. The fact some boys did not want to play with her because she was better then them when there were young does not imply this generalization. Please remove this or copyedit per the source.
- Domínguez didn't find a girls' team to play on until she was a teenager – Change to "did not".
- she made it on the sub-national women's team – Does the source say when?
- Domínguez fooled the boys on her street – In my humble opinion, I think on her street is a bit unencyclopedic. Besides, there was no mention of a street prior to this sentence nor do I think she really owns it. Please revise.
- "I was sitting in the dressing room one day when a female instructor walked in and told me to take off my trousers to prove that I was a woman. I told her, 'All right, but only if you do the same.' After that, they stopped bothering me." – Powerful quote. I am not a big fan of quotes (unless paraphrasing makes it lose its original meaning), but this quote is great. Would you consider keeping 'All right, but only if you do the same' and paraphrasing the rest? I think that is the most powerful part. Given the size of the article, using long and multiple quotes can become a problem.
- Kansas City Mystics, 2002
- she led the league with 17 goals and 12 assists and earned the Most Valuable Player award – I think it should say or imply that she won the MVP award on those strengths like the source says.
- Atlanta Beat, 2003
- She was the first Mexican-born player to sign with the WUSA during the league's three-year history – This has close paraphrasing problems. Please revise.
- During her first month with the team, she was named the league's Player of the Month after scoring five goals and two assists in three games. She scored seven goals during the 2003 season and was a leading scorer in the league – This is not in the given source. Please find sources with proper attribution to text.
- Denied by FIFA and playing professionally in Spain, 2004–08
- While the Federación Mexicana de Fútbol Asociación did not object, - Name should be in English. In addition, the source does not mention this fact.
- From the report: "There must be a clear separation between men's and women's football." – This could be easily paraphrased.
- Furthermore, a ban was placed on Domínguez appearing in an exhibition game outside the league but still alongside men. – Rephrase to: Furthermore, a ban was placed on Domínguez for playing in an exhibition game outside the league but still alongside men.
- Domínguez played for FC Barcelona in Spain's top division league, Superliga Femenina, who were struggling to avoid relegation – By the structure, it implies that Superliga was trying to avoid relegation, not Barça. In addition, this is not found in the source. Neither Superliga Femenina nor the relegation struggles mentioned.
- debut for FC Barcelona came on 30 January 2005 – Came → was.
- renewed Domínguez' contract – the "s" after her surname is needed.
- Added. 20:34, 1 November 2013 (UTC)
- I do not think Futblogtricolor is a reliable source. [1] Please correct me if I am wrong.
- Chicago Red Stars, 2013
- Mexico national teammate – Mexico → Mexican? Might be wrong though.
- Along with Mexico national teammate,Dinora Garza – Source mentions her but not her nationality. Please add a source for this.
- She scored two goals on the season – On → In.
- International
- She scored Mexico's lone goal of the tournament – Rephrase to: She scored Mexico's only goal in the tournament.
- Domínguez received her first call-up to the Mexico women's national football team in 1998 – Source does not mention this year. Please remove and keep her age, however.
- Mexican squad that earned a bronze medal in the CONCACAF Women's Gold Cup – Please link the tournament.
- CONCACAF Olympic qualifying tournament for the 2004 Athens Olympics, a first in the history of the Mexican national team – The source does not say it was the first time in Mexican history. Please revise.
- During the 2004 Olympics, Domínguez led the Mexican national team to the quarter-finals and scored the team's only goal during the tournament – Not in the source either.
- during the semifinals of the CONCACAF Women's World Cup Qualifying Tournament – Why is Qualifying Tournament in caps here but not in the second paragraph?
- however, the team was eliminated en route to the 2012 London Olympics – Please link the Olympics.
- References
- Refs 17 and 21 should have the (in Spanish) indicator. Use the " | language=Spanish " template.
Conclusion
editConcerns have been addressed, and my questions have been answered. Article is ready for promotion. ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 21:53, 3 November 2013 (UTC)