Talk:Manoj Bajpayee/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: FrB.TG (talk · contribs) 20:16, 12 December 2015 (UTC)

Please write either Bajpayee or Bajpai throughout the article. There are places where I see Bajpai while in some sentences you refer to him as Bajpaee; be consistent.

Lead

• Merge the Tamil and Telugu appearing part with the first sentence as it seems more relevant there.
• I am not sure if "two-wifed" is safe try a prince with two wives.
• "In 2003, Bajpai acted in Pinjar, for which he was awarded the Special Jury National Award." → "Bajpai won the Special Jury National Award for Pinjar (2003)" for the sake of simplicity.
• I see three instances of "followed by" in the lead which makes it repetitive.
• Either combine second sentence (of the last para) with the first one or get rid of "Though" as it reads a bit vague.
• Have an WP:ALT text for the lead image.

Early and personal life

• "He was the second child among his" - what do you mean he "was" the second child? Is he not now the second child?
• "One of his younger sisters Poonam Dubey"
• I believe "house wife" is one word.
• "Being born in a farmer family, Bajpai says: 'we were supposed to do farming in our vacation and cultivate the land.'" - I believe the quote can be paraphrased.

Any suggestions?

• "He moved to New Delhi at the age of seventeen and went first to Satyawati, then to Ramjas College, Delhi University"
• In the section, you say that he was rejected four times when he applied for National School of Drama while the lead says others - factually inaccurate.
• " Impressed b Bajpayai's acting, John hired" - I think you missed a y in by.
• "After that he applied at the National School of Drama for the fourth time, they offered him a teaching position at the school instead" - how did it happen when "he was rejected four times and wanted to commit suicide"?

Career

• The section is pretty big. Please have some subsections.
• "a comedy film; where he had a supporting role"– I think a comma would do better.
• The quote in the following sentence can easily be paraphrased.

Hope the current version is right.

• "give him a big role in his next film" - try "prominent" or something else instead of "big".
• "was there next film together" - I think you mean "their".
• "the title character to form there nexus in Mumbai underworld" - again it's "their". Also have a definite article before Mumbai underworld.
• "called Bajpai and other's performances that they are" → "called Bajpai and others' performances"
• "Though the film was a box-office disappointment" – why do you have a though when there is not preceding or following sentence which is contradictory?
• If possible, try to paraphrase the Sify review for Shool.

Is it right now?

• "In 2001 Bajpai's first release was" → "Bajpai's first release in 2001 was"
• "Singh of Fatehpur. A polo enthusiast" instead of the full stop, you need a comma.
• "1971, where he portrayed the..." - TBH this sentence is so messed-up. Please rephrase it.
• "and was out of screen" → "and was absent from the screen".
• "which was a remake of the Hollywood film Unknown"
• "rightful heir of an political family" - "a" political.
• "Bajpai "..grab[s] eyeballs in [his] scenes".
• "In 2012, Bajpai had three consecutive releases"
• You have written that Gangs of Wasseypur is a two-part crime saga but please also mention that he only appeared in the first part.
• Simply say that Anupama Chopra called it his best performance since Bhiku Mhatre in Satya instead of quoting Chopra.
• A lot of sentences I see start with "his next film", "he had x releases in", or something like that. Please rephrase a few of them.
• Have India Today in italics.
• There are some words used repetitively throughout the article e.g. "then" 12 times.
• "Director Ram Gopal Varma said 'Manoj... , further adding ... "

References

• {{reflist}} → {{reflist|30em}}
• Otherwise they (sources) look fine; good job.-- Frankie _talk 14:33, 13 December 2015 (UTC)

Apart from three instances regarding paraphrasing, I have taken care of all the queries. Thank you for the review. Yashthepunisher (talk) 16:42, 13 December 2015 (UTC)