Talk:Lost in the World/GA2

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: 1111tomica (talk · contribs) I will review the article. :) 13:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)

There aren't any disambiguation links or broken references. That's good. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)

Lead

• First of all, remove all the references from the lead and place them in the article body. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
• "Lost in the World" is a song by American hip hop recording artist Kanye West from his studio album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy ---> "Lost in the World" is a song by American hip hop recording artist Kanye West from his fifth studio album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (2010). — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
• The song was initially released on September 29 and was shorter, but the version on the album was shortened with its ending becoming a new track, "Who Will Survive in America". ---> Very bad wording, I can't even understand the sentence. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
• The track received positive reviews from critics and was considered one of the strongest tracks of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. ---> The song received positive reviews from music critics, which considered it as one of the strongest compositions on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
• The song was prominently featured during the closing credits of Runaway, a 35 minute music video directed by West set to music from My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. ---> "Lost in the World" was featured during the closing credits of "Runaway", a 35 minute music video directed by West set with music from the album. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)

Background

• Italicize Rolling Stone — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
• The rapper, who will reportedly release his fifth album this fall, performed a new poem called 'Mama's Boyfriend' along with new tracks 'My Chain Heavy,' 'Sweat on My Face' and 'Lost in the World'. ---> No need for this sentence, remove it. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
• ... and clocked in at around 6 minutes ... Awkward my friend ---> with a length of approximately 6 minutes. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
• I will further c/e the sections since as I can see there are some bad phrases. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
• I c/e and made some changes to the rest of the section. It was real mess now its okay, not perfect, but good enough for a GA. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)

Composition

• mmm do you have genre sources? — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
• Write from which magazine the reviewers are. It reads really bad without it. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)

Reception ---> Critical reception

• ...was noted as a highlight of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. ---> was noted as a highlight on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. (unlink the album also) — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)
• Channing Freeman of Sputnikmusic felt that ... Really? Are you sure that he felt?! Change felt with wrote. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)
• again felt, change it to wrote, stated, concluded, but not felted ! Not ever ! — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)
• Remove the sentence for MTV, because it reviews the album, and not the single. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)
• To be honest, the section looks bad. There are too many quotes that should be reduced and turned into prose. If you can do that, please contact some c/e. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)

Live performances

• To promote West's new album, it was reported he would perform the new song live at Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. ---> To promote his new album, West performed the song at Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)
• Modify the quote from Rap-Up and make it prose. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)
• The third sentence reads awkward, I can not even understand it, re-write it. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)
• The song, the song, the song, the song ... it repeats a lot, use also "Lost in the World" — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)

References

To be honest, they look pretty awful, nearly all the references miss their own publisher. I will elaborate it in the next steps. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)

• 2. Publisher for Rap-Up is Devine Lazerine.
• 3. Publisher for Allmusic is Rovi Corporation.
• 6. publisher= MTV News. Viacom.
• 8. Publisher for Exclaim! should be Ian Danzig
• 9. Same as 6
• 11. Publisher= Jann Wenner
• 12. Should be {{cite web}}, not {{cite news}}
• 13. Publisher for Idolator is Buzz Media
• 14. Same as 6 and 9
• 15. Same as 6, 9 and 14
• 16. Unlink Pitchfork Media
• 17. Same as 6, 9, 14 and 15
• 18. Allmusic should be un-italicized and same as 3
• 22. Same as 11
• 24. Publisher = IPC Media (Time Inc.)
• 25. Publisher= The New York Times
• 26. Publisher= Tribune Company
• 27. Publisher=Village Voice Media
• 28. Publisher= Jann Wenner
• 30. Same as 6, 9, 14, 15 and 17
• 31. Knightnews?! Mmm Is it a reliable source?
• 32. Publisher= The Washington Post Company
• 33. Un-link Slant Magazine
• 35. Same as 2
• 36. Same as 11 and 22
• 37. Same as 2 and 35
• 38. Same as 6, 9, 14, 15, 17 and 30
• 39. Un-link Idolator

• Now I also noted that for some references is not used {{cite web}} or {{cite news}}, please add to all of them ! Also ... Sometimes the work should be in italics (magazines, newspapers), but sometimes NOT (websites)! For that you should respectively choose where you should write your work/publisher. (For example work=Rolling Stones (its a magazine, it should be in italics)|publisher=Jann Wenner/ or/ publisher=MTV News. Viacom (cause its a website and italics is not needed). — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 20:02, 13 January 2012 (UTC)

All in all

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

When I first looked on the article, I thought it was in good condition and will be easy with it. But on a second view, it really need a lot of work. I will put it on hold for 7 days, since its a small article and I really think you can handle all the issues in that period. Good luck — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)

I believe I have addressed these issues, if not instruct me further. Bruce Campbell (talk) 19:55, 13 January 2012 (UTC)