Talk:King-Size Homer/GA1
Latest comment: 15 years ago by 97198 in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Well done so far. Here are some comments/suggestions for improving the article:
- and is awarded with liposuction from his boss Mr. Burns - maybe "rewarded"
- storms off in a huff - common expression but not really encyclopedic
- I guess using "behind" is just being polite, but it could well fall under WP:EUPHEMISM.
- that this episode "saved" him from that - "from doing so"
- A tuxedo-ed pig appears next to him - I like the word "tuxedo-ed" but it's kind of awkward. Is "a pig wearing a tuxedo" okay?
- he passed away nine years before was made - "passed away" is definitely a euphemism so use just "died"; "the episode" or another phrase seems to be missing
- the legend on Newman's Own popcorn products - "on" seems like the wrong choice of word. Maybe "of", or could you think of another?
- starring the American actor Pauly Shore and the American actress Faye Dunaway - don't need "the"s
- Despite the numerous laughs at Homer's appearance in the DVD audio commentary - not quite sure what this means. Who's doing the laughing? Is it related to the book review?
- plus points of the episode - can "plus points" be reworded, maybe to "positive points" or "highlights"?
I'll put the article on hold, so you'll have the next week to make changes. Good luck :) —97198 (talk) 08:38, 21 December 2008 (UTC)