Talk:Jose Calugas/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Skinny87 (talk) 20:46, 18 December 2009 (UTC)

GA review (see here for criteria)

• It is reasonably well written.

  a (prose): b (MoS):

  You'll need to expand the lede into one full paragaph, per WP:LEDE

  Done. --Kumioko (talk) 21:54, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

  First sentence of the Biography section is a fragment; please merge with following paragraph.

  Done. --Kumioko (talk) 21:29, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

  Don't need to repeat his first name again, especially not one sentence after mentioning it for the first time.

  Done. --Kumioko (talk) 21:29, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

  'and was trained as an Artilleryman at Fort Sill, Oklahoma' - Don't really need the 'was' in that sentence.

  Done. I rephrased this section. --Kumioko (talk) 21:29, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

  But you do need it in the next part of the sentence, as in '...was assigned...'

  Done. I rephrased this section. --Kumioko (talk) 21:29, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

  'As a Sergeant in Battery B of the 88th Field Artillery (PS), his unit was mobilized due to the news that the United States, and thus the Philippine Commonwealth, was at war with Japan.' - When was it mobilized?

  Done. I could not find any reference yet that tells this but I will keep looking and add it once I am able to find it. --Kumioko (talk) 21:54, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

  'During the month of December his unit was sent to Bataan before the withdrawal of all capable USAFFE units withdraw to the peninsula.' - Repetition of words and poor grammar, and what is USAFFE? Needs to be expanded upon without just wikilinking.

  Done --Kumioko (talk) 22:27, 15 January 2010 (UTC)

  'On January 6, 1942 his unit was assigned to cover the withdrawal of the rest of USAFFE along with the 26th Cavalry Regiment (PS) and the 31st Infantry Regiment and did so successfully' - comma after 'Regiment'

  Done --Kumioko (talk) 22:27, 15 January 2010 (UTC)

  'On January 16, 1942, while leading KP,' - Don't need to mention the year again, and please clarify what KP is without just wikilinking.

  Done --Kumioko (talk) 22:27, 15 January 2010 (UTC)

  'In response his actions, that are detailed in his Medal of Honor citation, occurred which allowed other soldiers to dig in and defend the line.' - Poor grammar, and you'll also need to actually write a sentence on what he did - just referring the reader to the citation, especially when it's short enough anyway, is poor practice.

  Done --Kumioko (talk) 20:35, 18 January 2010 (UTC)

  'However, he would not be presented the Medal of Honor, but would become a prisoner of war when Major General King ordered the forces on Bataan to surrender.' - You'll need an 'instead' there after 'would' and before 'become'; who is Major-General King?

  Done - I completely rewrote and expanded this section. --Kumioko (talk) 20:35, 18 January 2010 (UTC)

  'After being released, he was assigned to a Japanese Rice Mill and secretly joined a guerrilla unit, *227 Old Bronco.' - Don't need to capitalize 'Rice Mill' and the first three words are repetition after the last part of the previous sentence.

  Done --Kumioko (talk) 22:27, 15 January 2010 (UTC)

  'With the liberation of the Philippines underway, beginning with the Battle of Leyte, return to normal combat would not begin until January 1945 when on the 9th of that month U.S. Forces landed at Lingayen Gulf.' - This sentence is overlong and needs to be split into two - it's also slightly confusing chronologically. Suggest also adding 'his' or 'a' before 'return to combat', and also lose the 'th' after 9 for the date. Also don't need to capitalize 'Forces', that's something you need to check all the way through the article.

  Done --Kumioko (talk) 22:28, 21 January 2010 (UTC)

  'As an officer of the aforementioned guerrilla unit, he participated in the attack on the Japanese Garrison at Karangalan' - Never previously mentioned that he was an officer in the guerrilla group, and what attack on the garrison - which shouldn't be capitalized, again - was that? Needs context.

  Done --Kumioko (talk) 22:28, 21 January 2010 (UTC)

  'His unit joined the continued campaign leading the liberation of the Philippines.' - Poor grammar, please rewrite.

  Done --Kumioko (talk) 22:28, 21 January 2010 (UTC)

  'he was later assigned to the occupation of Okinawa with the 44th Infantry Regiment.' - Would be best to mention the unit first and then that the unit was taking part in the occupation, as no individual themselves conducted the occupation.

  Done --Kumioko (talk) 22:28, 21 January 2010 (UTC)

  'On Fort Sam Houston, Texas within the Family Housing area Calugas Circle was dedicated in his honor,' - Needs a comma after Texas and area. Also, what is Caluga Circle?

  Done. --Kumioko (talk) 22:04, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

  'In 2006, a 36-unit apartment building, designed for low-income and disabilities residents was dedicated as the "Sgt. Jose Calugas, Sr. Apartments" in High Point, Seattle, Washington.' - 'disabled'

  Done. --Kumioko (talk) 22:04, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

  Memorial Day has passed already, please place in the past tense.

  Done. --Kumioko (talk) 22:04, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

• It is factually accurate and verifiable.

  a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

  'For his actions on that day, he was awarded the Medal of Honor.[9][10]' - Do we know who recommended him, and any details of this?

  'During this time, he was naturalized as a U.S. Citizen, even though he was born a U.S. National.' - This makes no sense - why would he be naturalized if born a US national? Please explain.

• It is broad in its coverage.

  a (major aspects): b (focused):

• It follows the neutral point of view policy.

  Fair representation without bias:

• It is stable.

  No edit wars, etc.:

• It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

  a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

• Overall:

  Pass/Fail:

Needs a lot of prose work, but should be good to pass when all this is done. Skinny87 (talk) 12:35, 19 December 2009 (UTC)

I just noticed this article was submitted for GA and although I didn't submit it, the article has been reviewed fro almost a month so since I have been a major contributor in the past I am going to take this on. If anyone has a problem with me doing this since I was not the "submitter" please let me know. --Kumioko (talk) 21:15, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

Kumioko, the article still needs work. I have fixed approximately 30 typos in the first section. I've also suggested some headings. There is a fact tag that needs a citation attached to it. Please go through the rest and fix the spelling of artillery, Japanese, etc., and other spelling issues. The Post POW combat needs explanation and clarification (and expansion if you can). This really is not ready yet. Let me know when you're ready. Oh, and would you please change the inlines to citations? Auntieruth55 (talk) 21:27, 19 January 2010 (UTC)

After additional work, the article is passed. Auntieruth55 (talk) 20:23, 22 January 2010 (UTC)