Talk:Japanese ironclad Kōtetsu/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 13:02, 20 August 2020 (UTC)

Hi, I will take this on shortly Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 13:02, 20 August 2020 (UTC)

Comments

• IMO the end of the lede could use a sentence summing up the final fate of the ship (sold for scrap in 1889)
  • Quite right and also needs a summary of her post-Boshin War career.
• "Sphinx was 165 feet 9 inches" What's the reasoning behind saying 'sphinx' here?
  • It's a question of which name to use; I couldn't decide and just left it as it was originally. Which one do you think is the most logical?
• I think the image caption would benefit as "Azuma at anchor in Yokosuka, Japan", given how many countries the ship was in.
• "However, the Japanese removed one" I don't think 'however' meshes very well here, suggest nixing.
• "Watts states only 95 t (93 long tons) of coal" is this 95 t for the full load, for 3,000 nm or for something else? Any idea the reason for the discrepancy
  • I think that the older sources didn't have much access to Japanese- or Danish-language publications and have preferred to use more recent ones for technical stuff.
• I'd like to see a link to the American Civil War in the article body
  • If linked in the lede, I only bother with main body links for very long articles, of which this isn't one.
• maybe link Ironclad in the body?
• " easily than other potential secret contractors" can you expand on this? Were these potential secret contractors also French? Who else could they have been? Or do we just not know
  • Several ships were ordered from Britain, but AFAIK, the Confederates made no efforts to use any other builders in France, so I'm not exactly sure what Case & Spencer are referring to.
• "named Cheops and Sphynx" Is this the same ship you call 'sphinx' above?
  • Typo
• link Egyptian Navy?
• link Shakedown cruise?
• link Danish Naval Ministry?
• Ferrol is a disambiguation link
• It's unclear to me exactly how the confederates got control of the ship. Did they purchase it? Commandeer it?
  • Yeah, that could be considered important ;-)
• "where permanent repairs took several months" I honestly feel this would read better in its own sentence
• " declined to fight" how, exactly, does a ship 'decline' to fight?
  • By not moving within gun range, which was very short in those days. Usually much less than 1000 meters (.62 miles).
• " The money was not paid until 2 November" not paid by who?
• "the Stonewall required" Do you mean to have 'the' here
• "The first Union ships arrived " maybe "Union ships (first) arrived" to avoid the implication that the ships were the first Union ships.
• "Page decided to turn her over" IMO it's worth clarifying who 'her' refers to here?
• If you link Confederate you should link Union
• link Washington Navy Yard
  • Linked a caption above.
• "discovered the Stonewall in the Washington Navy Yard" do you need 'the' here?
• "Acting envoy" -> "Acting envoy to the United States" for clarity's sake?
• "for the price of US$400,000" why "US$" here when you use "$" above?
• " which included stopping the delivery of military material, including " can you eliminate the repetition of include here? No big deal if this is the best way to phrase it
• "The ship had actually arrived" I'd suggest cutting 'actually' and/or replacing with 'initially', but maybe "the ship had arrived"
• "In the meantime, " unclear what this is in the meantime of
• "Imperial Japanese Navy" link?
• "during the Naval Battle of Miyako Bay," Is 'naval' really needed here?
• "as a third-class warship" meaning...?
  • Not sure, the source doesn't specify
• "Sold for scrap, 12 December 1889" the date is neither mentioned nor sourced in the article
• That's mostly it-- a very good article overall, just some minor (mainly subjective) comments as usual. Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 19:55, 24 August 2020 (UTC)
  • Thanks for your most thorough review. See if my changes are satisfactory.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 12:41, 26 August 2020 (UTC)
• Looks good. Sources I checked lined up, images look good to me, otherwise meets the GA Criteria. I'm fine with 'Sphinx' in the first section... Passing. Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 13:27, 29 August 2020 (UTC)