Talk:Jack the Writer/GA1

GA Review

Looking nice. Here are some suggestions for improvement:

• Don't specify that the U.S. is "its country of origin" - the same sentence says "the American situation comedy". Thus, also, don't re-link United States.
• Jack's decides to join the writers for observation - "Jack"?
• Maybe mention Liz and Jack's jobs in the lead to give a little background; those only vaguely familair (or completely unfamiliar!) with the series would need a bit of context before reading the plot synopsis. Tracy could do with a job title in there, too.
• The staff prepare to write sketches - "the staff are preparing" seems to make more sense.
• he enjoyed joining with the writers every day - "joining the writers". "Joining" implies the "with".
• she has to make it was her idea - how about "she has to pretend that it was her idea"?
• Liz goes and asks Jack if the writers can go on the roof - simply "Liz asks Jack".
• Having settled the situation with Jack, Liz tries to talk to her assistant Cerie about her attire, which seems to distract the writers. Liz attempts to convince her to wear something conservative, but Cerie tells Liz that she would look great in something sexy herself, and Liz is later seen walking down the hallway with a dress that reads "Dirty Diva" - this whole block should be shifted up into the second Plot paragraph; it's completely irrelevant to the following information about Kenneth and Tracy, but doesn't warrant its own paragraph.
• Similarities between the two led to speculation that only one of them would be picked up - this needs a source.
• Though 30 Rock's first-season ratings proved lackluster - don't need a hyphen in "first season".
• she had watched it many times with Pete Hornberger - link Pete Hornberger.
• she dressed up as the Star Wars character Princess Leia during four Halloweens - you don't really say "I'm dressing up as whatever during Halloween"; you'd say something more like "for Halloween" or "on Halloween".
• she realizes that she "[needs] to get new DVDs" - modify the quote to "need[s] to get new DVDs"; do this when you're re-conjugating verbs or the like when you're quoting anything.
• IGN's Canning has been quoted more than 10 times in Reception, while MWM is quoted... well, twice. WP:MOSTV#Reception - undue weight to one critic? Chop down Canning's comments - considerably.
• West Wing links to a disambiguation page.
• "Nice walk-and-talk" should be in 'single inverted commas' as it's a quote-inside-a-quote.
• Both images' fair use rationales state that their purpose is to easily identify the episode and to aid in any critical commentary. First, there isn't any critical commentary (apart from some very vague reviewers' comments in Reception) to accompany either image. Second, neither image has anything particularly noteworthy about it (in terms of simple, quick episode identification - seeing the image and going, "oh, that episode" if one indeed has seen it) - the infobox image is simply Jack sitting on a chair holding a piece of paper, while the plot image is Kenneth climbing a fence, and it's a very non-descriptive image; basically, that could be any fence. I don't know what any of the other frames look like but it seems like a pretty dull shot to me. I'd suggest a screenshot of the (infamous?) walk-and-talk sequence, which isn't specifically addressed in the plot, but is mentioned in both the Production and Reception sections. Open to any input on this.

Otherwise, the article's looking very nice, and we'll see if we can promote it to GA status when changes are made - it's on hold for a week. Good luck :) —97198 (talk) 10:57, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

I'll add a more descriptive screenshot to the infobox later, maybe one from a sketch that Jack helped write. I'll use an image from the walk-and-talk in the production section. I'll tidy up the rationals when they've been uploaded as well. The Kenneth image has been removed also. -- ^[User]Jamie JCA_[Talk] 14:37, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the changes Jamie. Just one thing, the picture in the infobox; it is looking a bit dodgy. Tracy is more like a blur, and chance of uploading another one? I know it probably takes a while to upload pictures, but it would be appreciated. Thanks. :-) Corn.u.co.pia / Disc.us.sion 06:14, 21 August 2008 (UTC)

I moved the walk-and-talk image to the infobox; I think everything has been covered. Corn.u.co.pia / Disc.us.sion 12:27, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Coolies. The only thing is that the infobox image caption should read "walk and talk" because that's how it's spelled (without hyphens) under Production. Under Reception, it has hyphens, but that's because the reviewer chose to hyphenate it. That's a very minor issue, however, so I'm happy to go ahead and pass the article and I might just make that fixit myself :) —97198 (talk) 02:36, 23 August 2008 (UTC)