Talk:IPhone 5s/GA2

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Cirt (talk · contribs) 02:46, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

I will review this article. — Cirt (talk) 02:46, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

Good article nomination on hold

This article's Good Article nomination has been put on hold. During review, some issues were discovered that can be resolved without a major re-write. This is how the article, as of September 28, 2015, compares against the six good article criteria:

1. Well written?:

• NOTE: Please respond, below this review, and not interspersed throughout, thank you!
• Please expand lede length to four (4) paragraphs, per WP:LEAD, fully summarizing entire article's contents as to function as a standalone summary of the article itself.

2. Verifiable?: I've added some cite needed tags, throughout, these need to be addressed.

3. Broad in coverage?: Covers major aspects, no issues here.

4. Neutral point of view?: Presented in a neutral tone, no issues here.

5. Stable? Talk page history looks okay. Please comment, below, explaining recent IP edits and lots of reverts through the month of September 2015. Is semi-protection needed? Are there any ongoing conflicts?

6. Images?: No issues here, passes on inspection, all images at Wikimedia Commons, all image pages there look okay.

NOTE: Please respond, below this review, and not interspersed throughout, thank you!

Please address these matters soon and then leave a note here showing how they have been resolved. Within 7 days, the article should be reviewed again. If these issues are not addressed by then, the article may be failed without further notice. Thank you for your work so far. — Cirt (talk) 03:33, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

(talk page stalker) Cirt, I'm curious as to why you want the lede to be four paragraphs. According to WP:LEADLENGTH, the article length numbers are based on readable prose size, and there are 18,763 prose characters in the article (I used DYKcheck, which uses the readable prose size guideline). The 15,000 to 30,000 article length means two to three lede paragraphs; four would be too many. (Even over 30,000 prose characters means three to four paragraphs.) If the current lede doesn't properly summarize the entire article, then it needs to be revised to include those sections that have been omitted. BlueMoonset (talk) 03:46, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

It's a very large article. One would expect a larger lede, per WP:LEAD. — Cirt (talk) 03:48, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

For example: The 1st paragraph is a two-sentence-long-paragraph. The 2nd sentence of that 1st paragraph is a long sentence, and makes overuse of commans, and really could be split up, and too many commas are used, and it makes one out of breath, just thinking about, getting to the end, of that sentence. — Cirt (talk) 03:50, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

The 2nd paragraph also has some long sentence structure using lots of commas. The paragraphs in the lede themselves don't have to be long, you know, 4 sentences each or so, but it will provide a nice concise flow to the lede intro sect, summarizing the article. — Cirt (talk) 04:00, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

Comment: To those working on this to hopefully get it to GA: Don't lose heart, it's not that far off -- just make a good faith effort to try to address above and it shouldn't be too hard. :) Good luck, — Cirt (talk) 05:04, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

• I have addressed all cite needed tags. sst^flyer 05:43, 28 September 2015 (UTC)
• Recent IP edits are normal due to the recent release of the iPhone 6S and iOS 9, and the resulting changes to iPhone 5S availability and software updates. A lot of WP:Fancruft is inserted because there are many fans of Apple products that may not have Wikipedia accounts or understand Wikipedia policies. This is only temporary, and semi-protection is not needed. Note that I nominated this article for GA status before the recent IP edits/reverts. sst^flyer 05:48, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

Okay man. :) Expand the lede intro start beginning sect a tad bit, and get rid of some of the run-on sentences and/or sentences that use too much commas and stuff like that and long sentences structure with lots of comma usage and commas, and should be good to go. :) Good luck, — Cirt (talk) 06:00, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

What do you think? sst^flyer 04:40, 1 October 2015 (UTC)

Looks much better. I see you've put an additional great deal of work into it. Nicely done. Thanks for being so polite and responsive to my comments, above. Passed as GA. — Cirt (talk) 04:44, 1 October 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for your review. sst^flyer 04:46, 1 October 2015 (UTC)