Talk:Georgie Lane/GA1
Latest comment: 2 months ago by Rollinginhisgrave in topic GA Review
GA Review
editThe following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Nominator: FishLoveHam (talk · contribs) 19:51, 11 August 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Rollinginhisgrave (talk · contribs) 05:36, 20 August 2024 (UTC)
I'll be reviewing this for WP:GARC. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 05:36, 20 August 2024 (UTC)
I've left some comments, I'll do a second sweep of prose review after you work through these comments. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 05:36, 20 August 2024 (UTC)
Prose and content
editTo prepare for the role, Keegan listened to stories from female combat medics, which interested her as it helped inspire her portrayal.
The flow/meaning of this sentence is a bit weird. She listened to soldiers to prepare for the role, which was interesting to her because it helped her prepare for the role?in a compound
rmvtheir last night
this is dropped in a bit strangelyit is theorised that his associates are to
active voice, are to -> willWhile helping
mentoring or earthquake?Georgie is reacquainted with Elvis
appears euphemistic
Not done how?? FishLoveHam (talk) 15:19, 20 August 2024 (UTC)
- Apologies! My mistake, reading too much into it. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 05:41, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
but they are able to reconcile
ambiguity with "they" at this point in readingbut their next mission results in Elvis being blown up, killing him
Active voice, Blown up is too informal, If someone is blown up, it is understood that they are killed.After apologising to Milan
for?- Removed
Elvis's death letter
What is a death letter
Done In the show, it is esentially a pre-written letter soldiers leave to someone incase they die in battle. Removed. FishLoveHam (talk) 15:19, 20 August 2024 (UTC)
Captain James leaves a negative report about her
introduce Captain James hereshe leads her team
If it is her team, of course she is leading them?- Not done, You can be on a team without leading it. In this case, she wasnt assigned to lead it, but took charge. FishLoveHam (talk) 06:10, 20 August 2024 (UTC)
and with lethal drug bandits in the jungle
-> threatened by drug bandits etc.- Not done Please explain FishLoveHam (talk) 15:19, 20 August 2024 (UTC)
- "lethal drug bandits in the jungle" is very literary. I've tried to reword this but what I'm coming up with is only marginally better. Can leave if you don't have any luck on this front. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 05:41, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
After a tense showdown
between?despite the captain now needing
despite inappropriate herewith the two sleeping
->and the two sleep
whether
or notcrumbing under pressure
euphemism- Introduce Fingers
for the show's upcoming second series
redundantAs a "massive fan"
Make it more clear that she calls herself this. Every person cast for roles in TV shows calls themselves a massive fan.A BBC spokesperson teased the series would "challenge Georgie professionally and personally".
This means nothing. Can be removed.the excitement and adventure that come with serving in the military
WikivoiceThey continued by detailing a strength of Georgie's is her bravery.
->They continued by detailing that one of Georgie's strengths is her bravery.
The BBC billed Georgie as... take anything lying down".
This section is strings of quotes, and does not conform adequately to summary style.- Not done So should I remove/paraphrase some of them? FishLoveHam (talk) 14:58, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
In the series, Georgie is from Manchester, a decision series creator Tony Grounds came to after Keegan, who grew up there, was cast as "it was good to write for her voice".
awkward wording.Keegan heard stories from
So she talked to them? Or she just heard them recounting their stories, in books/interviews etc.The actress admitted that she was initially "nervous" to meet her co-stars, as she was the only woman cast as a part of 2-Section, but described the team as "great" and "a laugh".
quite promo, hard to imagine anything worth keeping here.after finishing her training in Aldershot Garrison
introduce that she trained here.combat control
What is combat control?- Done I think I know what it is referring to, but that's what the source calls it so I've removed it. FishLoveHam (talk) 14:58, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
she was left "aching in places [she] never knew could ache"
Too much detail, cut.Keegan recalled a "surreal" feeling when she first got in costume for the character, adding that she immediately felt a "sense of duty". Keegan opined that the filming experience gave her a new respect for soldiers in the Army, tipping her hat to them.
promo, rmvIt transpired that
rw- Not done Sorry, I'm not sure what to replace it with. FishLoveHam (talk) 06:08, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- I'm not sure either, I don't really write media articles. The trouble here is that it's written in-universe. Perhaps: "As the series progresses, it is established that Georgie..." Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 09:01, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
military accuracy
What is military accuracy- Done I meant accuracy to real-life military personnel. I've removed "military". FishLoveHam (talk) 06:08, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
Keegan had left the role after four years to pursue other opportunities
reads like a press release- Not done How should I reword it? FishLoveHam (talk) 06:08, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- If the reason is just some PR cliche, you don't really need to include it. Just mention she left. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 09:01, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- Done I've kept the reason for leaving, but removed the four years part. FishLoveHam (talk) 14:43, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- If the reason is just some PR cliche, you don't really need to include it. Just mention she left. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 09:01, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
Reflecting on her time on the series, Keegan described her involvement in the show as "incredible" and that she had "loved every second", adding that she considered Georgie to be a "life-changing" role for her.
adds nothing, rmvFurther explaining her decision to leave, Keegan said she would miss playing Georgie and crediting the show with helping her grow as a person, but after four series on the show, it was time to move on.
She had only been on for 3 series, and only the last clause should be kept- Done Kept the fact she'd miss the role. FishLoveHam (talk) 06:08, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
and was finally free
rw- Done Removed. FishLoveHam (talk) 06:08, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
After a "harrowing" episode broadcast on 14 September 2016,
summarise the key harrowing plot point instead of referring to the episodebeing "gripped"
tabloid, don't quote them as they exaggerateepisode broadcast on 26 June 2018, which showed
->episode showing
- Not done Apologies, I don't see the issue here. FishLoveHam (talk) 15:12, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
to the episode broadcast on 24 March 2020
same as harrowing commentnot looking the part
euphemistic, be more clear- Not done I understand this criticism, but I don't know what to replace it with without directly commenting on the actress's physical appearance. FishLoveHam (talk) 06:15, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- overly groomed appearance given the setting? Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 09:01, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- Done I'll go with that, thank you! FishLoveHam (talk) 14:41, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- overly groomed appearance given the setting? Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 09:01, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
Grounds defended the actress in a BBC interview, retorting: "Critics talk about her eyelashes rather than her performance".
rmv, non-sequitur- quote
finally free
- Not done I've removed that part. FishLoveHam (talk) 06:13, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 05:36, 20 August 2024 (UTC)
Sources
edit- What makes Cultbox a RS?
- It's a media-related news website. I can't find anything about it being an unreliable source. FishLoveHam (talk) 15:25, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- The "TVCA Long List 2019" archive link is broken
Spot check
- [1]
Doesn't say she left the show in September, or after the show finished airing.
- [4]
, although "She was surprised by how heavy the weapons used were." is not referring to weapons used in the show, but in boot-training from what I'm reading, so the article text is misleading.
- [7]
It's unclear to me why you've reworded "saying it was her 'favourite scene to film'" to "and noted it as one of her favourite scenes to film."
- Done I don't remember why I changed it, I probably just thought it sounded better. Fixed anyway. FishLoveHam (talk) 15:23, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- [10]
- [13]
- [16]
- [19]
- [22] This article implies that viewers are warming up to her portrayal, but not really. It seems to be very cautious not to make that claim explicit.
- Done I think I get what you're saying, changed it to "many viewers" as a majority of the responses showcased are positive. FishLoveHam (talk) 15:23, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
- [25]
- [28]
- [32]
Other
edit- Images: well attributed
- Broad & summary style too detailed using promo material, needs to be trimmed
- Neutral balanced enough
- No OR/COPYVIO 36.3% earwig, quotes
- Stable
Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 12:45, 20 August 2024 (UTC)
@Rollinginhisgrave: I've done my best to address everything! FishLoveHam (talk) 15:24, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
Looking good FishLoveHam, passing :). I responded to your email by the way, not sure if you saw. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 15:27, 21 August 2024 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.