Talk:George Lee (journalist)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 19:51, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

I'll have a read through and make some comments in a few minutes. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 19:51, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

general

• Image licenses check out, though the one in the infobox needs a caption per 6b  Done —  Cargoking  talk  21:08, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
• Checklinks shows nothing concerning

specific

• Do those references need to be in the lead? With the exception of full name and DOB, all facts in the lead should be a summary of those in the body and so shouldn't require refs. See MOS:BIO and WP:LEAD for more info.  Done —  Cargoking  talk  21:08, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
• The prose is a bit choppy in places
  • Several short sentences that could be copyedited
    • Could you elaborate? —  Cargoking  talk  21:08, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
    • Sure. take, for exmaple, "With a 53.4% majority, he won a by-election. He was referred to as a "celebrity TD". On 8 February 2010 Lee announced his resignation both from Fine Gael and from Dáil Éireann. His reasoning was that he had "virtually no influence or input". He spent nine months in politics and is set to return to RTÉ later in 2010."- you've got a series of very short sentences there that don't make it pleasant to read. They could be merged into each other to make it easier on the reader. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 21:40, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
    •  Done If there are any other short sentences, please point them out. —  Cargoking  talk  21:49, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
  • Successive sentences starting with "He"- for example, 5 of the 7 sentences in the 2nd paragraph. Try to vary it a little ;-)  Done —  Cargoking  talk  21:08, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

let me know how you get on. I'll watchlist this page and the article. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 20:43, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, HJ. Are there any other little things that require fixing? —  Cargoking  talk  21:50, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

No problem. Just a few more little things for you. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 22:18, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

a little more

• "distinguished academics" doesn't seem NPOV to me and, distinguished as they may be, are they relevant in his biogrpahy?  Done —  Cargoking  talk  22:20, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
• There's a tendency to start sentences and paragraphs with "He"- use surname for first mention in a paragraph and "he" theeafter
  • I've done a bit about that. I have corrected the obvious ones. —  Cargoking  talk  22:29, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
• Considering he was only a politician for 9 months, can we really call it a "career"?
  • I don't know. It was a pretty prolific one. —  Cargoking  talk  22:29, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
• Can that "cultural reference" go somewhere else? Those sorts of sections are frowned upon unless the subject has a significant effect on popular culture, in which case the section should be about the effect and not just a list of references.  Done Moved up. —  Cargoking  talk  22:23, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

I can't see anything else concerning, so once those are addressed, I should be able to pass it! HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 22:18, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

• OK, looks good now. One last issue, though- all but one of the sentences in the political career section start with "On [date]..." Can you vary the sentence structure a little? HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 22:36, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
  •  Done. Left one for good luck! :) —  Cargoking  talk  22:54, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
    • That'll do nicely! HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 22:57, 27 February 2010 (UTC)