Talk:Franklin Seaver Pratt/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 14:52, 1 January 2018 (UTC)

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 14:52, 1 January 2018 (UTC)

• The lead is a bit short for the length of the article.
• Suggest linking "consumption" to tuberculosis; you might consider changing the name in the text as well -- no particular reason to use the old term. The same applies to "dropsy".
• In 1881, his investment in the Olowalu plantation on Maui nearly cost him to lose everything he earned: Looks like a mistake of some kind; should it be "caused him to lose"? Or "cost him everything"? And I assume the investment failed; it would be good to say so -- perhaps just "In 1881, his investment in the Olowalu plantation on Maui failed, and nearly...".
• the degree of Kamehameha III: should this be "decree"? And if so can you explain?

That's everything I can see. The article is in excellent shape. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 15:20, 1 January 2018 (UTC)

Addressed most things.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 20:34, 1 January 2018 (UTC)

All but one point struck. What was the decree that is referred to? Saying "the" decree makes it sound like we should know about it; if the point is just that there was a decree that had this effect, I'd make it "a decree". Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 21:10, 1 January 2018 (UTC)

Changed.--KAVEBEAR (talk) 21:59, 1 January 2018 (UTC)

And passed. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 21:59, 1 January 2018 (UTC)