Talk:Forbidden Zone/GA1
Latest comment: 15 years ago by 97198 in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
Looking good so far. Here are some suggestions to nudge it along:
- Directed by Richard Elfman, who cowrote the film - "co-wrote" with a hyphen.
- The film begins on "Friday, April 17" at 4 P.M. - "4 pm" or "4 p.m." per WP:MOS#Times.
- falling into the Sixth Dimension, which he promptly escapes - "from which", perhaps?
- "even though she's not my type." - period/full-stop should go outside the quotation marks as the quote is a sentence fragment, not a full sentence.
- Why is it explicitly mentioned in the plot that Satan is played by Danny Elfman? Sure, because he composed the film, but the other cast members should be bracketed after their characters are mentioned or otherwise stated in a list, per WP:MOSFILM#Cast and crew information.
- with whom he makes a deal: the Princess, in exchange for Satan's help freeing René and Frenchy. After accomplishing this task - what is the task? It's not clearly stated what he has to do.
- a 16mm musical that consisted of 12 musical numbers - "twelve" should be spelled out.
- When Cunningham and Elfman ran out of money while making the film - the previous two sentences end in "the film" so how about something like "ran out of money during production"?
- Actor Hervé Villechaize was a former roommate of co-writer and co-star Matthew Bright - link Matthew Bright here and unlink in the first line of the Writing section.
- Cast and crewmembers would sleep on the film's stage - "crew members" in two words.
- Just checking - if there's a whole paragraph without citations, does that reference cover all the facts in that article? If not, citations would have to be added to support each claim that wasn't supported by a general reference.
Other than that, awesome work. The storyline sounds very "interesting" ;) and it sounds like the film was a lot of fun to make. The article will be on hold for a week, so that's how long you'll have to make these changes and any others before it can be passed as a Good Article. Good luck! —97198 (talk) 02:18, 23 August 2008 (UTC)