Talk:Flag of Bhutan/GA1

GA Review edit

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Reviewer: –MuZemike 18:43, 26 April 2010 (UTC)Reply

Prose issues

Please note that I am not very good at British English grammar and usage, so if I make any changes that is inconsistent with that style, please let me know and/or correct.

You have many instances of "noun plus '-ing'" (which you have a word that ends in "-ing" immediately following a noun) throughout the article. Please try to eliminate those occurrences of those. Examples include:

... with Druk being changed from green to white.
... and rules relating to the acceptable sizes ...
... a large black and white dragon facing away ...
... having a historical basis dating back to 1189.
... with its design being guided by the second Druk Gyalpo,...
... with the colour of Druk being changed from green to white.
... there was a convoy consisting of over one hundred riding and pack ponies.
... with the yellow spreading from the summit to the base,...
... black and white dragon facing away from the hoist side.
Druk being white signifies that ...
The code of conduct governing usage of ...
The Rules have eight provisions covering the description ...
The Bhutanese flag hanging outside ...

There's also a little bit of passive voice in various places throughout the article which could be changed to active voice. I'll leave those changes to you as you have more information about the article than I do.
In the "Background" section, please split up the following sentence as it's too long-winded: This school later split into three lineages,... which eventually led to the unification of the Bhutanese state.
In the "First national flag" subsection, the same as above with this sentence: It was the first flag ... behind the throne in the National Assembly Hall in Thimphu.
Those short paragraphs in that "First national flag" subsection could be combined into one full paragraph. Remember that fuller paragraphs make the prose look more professional to readers.
In the "Second national flag" subsection, According to a manuscript found in the archives ... and laid out what would be in the Bhutanese national flag. → That last part doesn't seem to make sense (or fit or flow perhaps) when I read that sentence. Can you reword that sentence do it makes a bit more sense?
In the "Current national flag" section, Four changes were made to the flag. Druk was changed to white, and formerly parallel to the fly, was embroidered diagonally along the line between the background colors → That second half of the sentence is not making sense to me when I read it. Was "white" formerly parallel to the fly, or do you mean Druk? Please tweak the sentence to make that more clear.

Image issues

Please correct the captions per WP:CAPTION; if captions are not complete sentences, then there is to be no end-punctuation used.

Coverage issues

There are only two sources listed here, but on the other hand, this is a very short article. I will ask for a second opinion here as to whether or not this is good to meet the coverage criterion of WP:GACR.

Conclusions

Awaiting 2nd opinion on the coverage issue I noted above. Should that turn out to be good, it would normally be placed on hold pending the improvements above. –MuZemike 18:43, 26 April 2010 (UTC)Reply

On hold pending improvements. After the 2nd opinion, I'll concur about that additional sources listed below that could be added. Please make the corrections listed above, as well. –MuZemike 15:21, 27 April 2010 (UTC)Reply

Failed – I'm sorry, but after a full week of no additional progress, I am going to have to fail this for now. Feel free to restart or renominate when you get around to it again. Regards, –MuZemike 16:23, 4 May 2010 (UTC)Reply

2nd opinion edit

I am puzzled by your first point: You have many instances of "noun plus '-ing'" (which you have a word that ends in "-ing" immediately following a noun) throughout the article. Please try to eliminate those occurrences of those. Can you point out specific instances where this is a problem?
Again: There's also a little bit of passive voice in various places throughout the article which could be changed to active voice. I'll leave those changes to you as you have more information about the article than I do. Please point out where this is a probme.
Agree with points three and four.
Point five perhaps two paras rather than one large chunk.
Agree with point six.
Point seven, yes could be worded better.
Captions look OK
Would be good to have another two or three sources.
Prose could do with a professional copy-edit, the grammar is quite poor in parts.
Hope this helps. –– Jezhotwells (talk) 00:58, 27 April 2010 (UTC)Reply

I was actually looking for an opinion on the amount of coverage this has and the fact that it only has two sources citing everything in the article; that's the big one I'm concerned with. Thanks in advance for the rest, though, it's appreciated. –MuZemike 01:02, 27 April 2010 (UTC)Reply

That is why I said Would be good to have another two or three sources. How about this: "Etiquette dictates that you wear formal clothes in the presence of the national flag.[1]; " The national flag of Bhutan also proved popular, even with non-Bhutanese customers." (at Glastonbury festival" [2]; [3], page 9; [4], page 17; it is quite hard to source information about flags, especially one that is relatively recent. –– Jezhotwells (talk) 01:26, 27 April 2010 (UTC)Reply

Sorry, didn't really see that one. I've been brain dead for most of today. –MuZemike 01:52, 27 April 2010 (UTC)Reply

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