Talk:El Hadi Ahmed El Sheikh/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Augustios Paleo (talk · contribs) 15:06, 25 June 2023 (UTC)

I'll pick up this review. I have little experience with writing biography articles but am knowledgable on biologists.

Article

• How is his brother relevant in the opener?

re/moved to the infobox

• "His family were Tiganiya Sufi, known for their hospitality and generosity, which would later shape El Sheikh's approach to medicine and treatment accessibility."
  • -> ""His family were part of the Tiganiya Sufi order, a group known for their hospitality and generosity, which would later shape El Sheikh's approach to medicine and treatment accessibility."

amended

• "El Sheikh first joined the University of Khartoum, but then left and joined Ain Shams University as his family believed that the University of Khartoum was elitist and did not align with their values."
  • This sentence can be cut down to flow easier, something like "El Sheikh first enrolled at the University of Khartoum but left as his family believed the school was elitist and did not align with their values, later entering Ains Shams University."

amended

• "In 1962, aged 29, El Sheikh established Abu-Hamad Town Hospital before moving, as registrar, to Khartoum Eye Hospital between (1962–1963), and Moorfields Eye Hospital, UK (1963–1964). He then acquired a Diploma inOphthalmology from the Royal College of Physicians of London and the Royal College of Surgeons of England in 1964.[5][6]"
  • This paragraph is confusing. He established a hospital, then went to another hospital, then made a big international move that is not really touched on? Maybe change it to "In 1962, El Sheikh established Abu-Hamad Town Hospital before becoming a registrar for two years at Khartoum Eye Hospital. Later in 1963, he moved to the United Kingdom where he worked at Moorfields Eye Hospital and earned a diploma in Ophthalmology from the Royal College of Physicians of London in 1964." Also did he get a diploma from both institutions?

fixed

• • Add space between "in" and "Ophthalmology "

done

• • Is including his age relevant?

age removed

• "Upon his return to Sudan, El Sheikh joined the University of Khartoum, became a professor of Ophthalmology in 1988, established the Department of Ophthalmology in 1994, and retired in 1998.[2][6]"
  • -> "Upon his return to Sudan in 1988, El Sheikh joined the University of Khartoum as a professor of Opthalmology. He later established the Department of Ophthalmology in 1994 and retired in 1998." Are there more details on the Department of Ophthalmology

fixed, looking for more details

• "El Sheikh was known for philanthropic work. Since 1990, He pioneered organising eye care campaigns and creating mobile eye care units that offered free treatment for more than 23,000 Sudanese and refugees, with the assistance of HelpAge International. However, his efforts were not always welcomed, and he was taken to court several times for operating on patients outside hospitals.[2][8][3]"
  • "He" should be lowercase.

fixed

• • • -> "Since 1990, he, with the assistance of HelpAge International, pioneered organising eye care campaigns and creating mobile eye care units that offered free treatment for more than 23,000 Sudanese and refugees."

amended