Talk:Camilo Cienfuegos/GA1

Latest comment: 7 months ago by The Blue Rider in topic GA Review

GA Review

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


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Reviewer: The Blue Rider (talk · contribs) 19:38, 5 March 2024 (UTC)Reply

Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose ( ) 1b. MoS ( ) 2a. ref layout ( ) 2b. cites WP:RS ( ) 2c. no WP:OR ( ) 2d. no WP:CV ( )
3a. broadness ( ) 3b. focus ( ) 4. neutral ( ) 5. stable ( ) 6a. free or tagged images ( ) 6b. pics relevant ( )
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked   are unassessed

Hello! Good to see a WP:VA biography being brought to GA status. I will try to post my first review until the end of this week. Thank you! The Blue Rider   19:38, 5 March 2024 (UTC)Reply

Thanks very much for taking this one! This is my fourth vital GA nomination. I'll be away over the weekend, so I'll probably get around to addressing your comments some time next week. --Grnrchst (talk) 10:12, 6 March 2024 (UTC)Reply
@The Blue Rider: Thanks for the review. I'm going to need a few more days to get around to addressing your comments, as I've come down with something during my time away. Once I've recovered, I'll get right to it. --Grnrchst (talk) 15:11, 12 March 2024 (UTC)Reply

Lead

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  • "in some cases even being considered second only to Fidel himself" contradicts him being "widely considered second only to Fidel Castro".
  • Removed "widely" to be safe. To be clear, the source in this case says he "bid fair to become almost as popular as Castro himself and was "the man best loved in Cuba after Castro". Let me know if you think this can be improved further. --Grnrchst (talk) 12:21, 14 March 2024 (UTC)Reply
  • Per MOS:LEADLENGTH, it is reccomended that leads have 3 or 4 paragraphs, so I would suggest merging the first paragraph with the second.

Early life

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  • What type of illegal work did Camilo?
  • Why/How did he join Fidel Castro's movement?

Guerrilla activities

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Landing and first offensive

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In Guevara's Column

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  • Substitute Sierra Maestra with region, in "over the region" and then start the next sentence with region.
  • The armed groups are the revolutinaries, the national army or both? I also take issue with how the word anarchy is being used, I understand that its popular meaning is being used here but maybe substitute it with chaos.
  • Remove the wikilink to vanguard since it will be linked in the above section.
  • Add a Wikitionary link to "devil-may-care" since it's not a common expression.

Independent command

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  • Since Fulgencio Batista was only mentioned once in the Early life section add the first name in his first mention of this section.

Las Villas Operation

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  • Put the province name in Trinidad, since people might associate the town with the island, Trinidad, instead.

Revolutionary victory

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  • Do you think that Camp Columbia (Havana) merits a redlink?
  • Added. Thankfully this note made me realised I had unconsciously hispanisied the name to "Colombia", but all the sources use the spelling "Columbia" because the base was originally established by the Americans during the first occupation of Cuba. Glad I caught this. --Grnrchst (talk) 12:53, 14 March 2024 (UTC)Reply
  • Add a Wikitionary link to "en-masse".

After the Revolution

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Initial activities

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  • Put the PSP acronym in paranthesis in the first instance of Popular Socialist Party of the section.
  • The economic meaning of austerity isn't being used here, so remove the wikilink.

Consolidation of the Revolution

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  • All good here.

Huber Matos affair

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  • Why were the officers worried by the Castro's regime?
  • "Castro's consolidation of power, as well as the increasing role of the Popular Socialist Party in government, began to worry some officers in the Revolutionary Army" Is this not clear enough? I thought it was pretty obvious. --Grnrchst (talk) 13:00, 14 March 2024 (UTC)Reply

Disappearance

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  • All good here.

Character

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Personality

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  • Was Cienfuegos gay/bisexual? If so, clarify that since two quotes describe him as gay and other as having a love of women.
  • This sections relies too much on quotations, try to rephrase it.
  • I've been looking at this section for a few days now and I'm still struggling with how I could rephrase it. These are all such subjective views of his personality that I'm not sure how I could possibly neutralise them into wikivoice. --Grnrchst (talk) 12:24, 17 March 2024 (UTC)Reply

Political ideology

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  • All good here.

Leadership style

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  • This section relies too much on quotations, try to rephrase them.
  • The quotations here and in the personality section were two places where I felt it very difficult to put it into wikivoice, because these reflections almost always come from personal perspectives. I can give it a go, but I already struggled with it in the first place. --Grnrchst (talk) 16:47, 14 March 2024 (UTC)Reply

Legacy

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Speculation about disappearance

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  • All good here.

Friends and family

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  • All good here.

Memorial dedications

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  • This section seems to be lacking for a highly popular figure, isn't there more pop culture depictions of him?

Image(s)

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  • All images are correctly tagged and have suitable captions, pass!

Stability

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  • Some reverts here and there but overall stable, pass!

Sources

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  • All source numbers are from this version. Checked sources 1, 2, 3, 9, 21, 23, 41, 48, 58, 103, 117, 118, 191 and 233.
  • Source 1 is no longer available.
  • Source 9, especifically Quirk, says some run away to the mountains and other to the south, the text only has the former.

Copyvio

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  • Earwig's Copyvio Detector points to 10,7% due to some partially copied sentences, I suggest them to be rephrased.

Infobox

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  • Infobox seems fine.
No, everything is in order! Good job on the article. You are missed at WP:VA! The Blue Rider   02:13, 21 March 2024 (UTC)Reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.