Talk:Bill Shankly/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Lemonade51 (talk · contribs) 13:57, 29 June 2012 (UTC)

General

• No issues with imaging
• No problems with the reliability of sources
• No dead links, nor dab links for that matter
• Author needed on Ref 76
• Date needed on Ref 110
• Ref 148 was published in The Observer, not The Guardian
• Have attached citation tags which need addressing.

Lead

• The article does not comply with WP:LEAD, as far as I'm aware of. As a generalised point, the lead should act as summary for the entire article. If done successfully, it will draw the reader into wanting to read the rest. The concern is with the first paragraph, which is just a brief sentence. I would advise you having a look at a model article; Arsène Wenger for one, was just passed recently, Bobby Robson currently is a FA.

Early life

• coal mining does not need to be hypenated
• "As Shankly related", is that the right word to use?
• "there were only twelve houses left including a cottage", place comma between 'left' and 'including'.
• "Bill's parents", should that be "Shankly's parents", therefore you can remove the Shankly in "John and Barbara Shankly"
• Per WP:YEAR, it should be 1902–1972, not 1902–72 as they are different decades. This goes for the other brothers.
• Remove comma in "Robert and William Blyth, were"
• "He admits that he and his friends used to steal vegetables from nearby farms; bread, biscuits and fruit from suppliers' wagons; and bags of coal from the pits", improper use of semicolons I would have thought. Best to replace it with commas.
• "Shankly admits it was wrong", replace 'it' with 'the act'
• "He was at school from the age of five till he was fourteen", perhaps you use 'until' instead of 'till'.
• "Discipline was strict", at school? at home? Clarify.
• "He did this for two years until the pit closed and he faced unemployment." needs ref
• "Shankly says" → "Shankly said"
• "a optimist" → "an optimist"

Carlisle United

• "In his 1976 autobiography, Shankly stated: "I've still got the medal" ", not sure if that is needed, but I suppose it'll do for now. Does the autobiography have anything about him reflecting his time at Carlisle?

Preston North End

• Not sure if 'but' is needed in "But he made his first-team debut..."
• first team does not require hyphen
• "Shankly created an early goal to help Preston win 5–0 and earn him some praise" → "Shankly created an early goal to help Preston win 5–0, earning him praise"
• "With his wholehearted attitude and commitment to the team, he quickly established himself as a first-team regular and became a crowd favourite." needs ref
• "Preston were unfazed by playing in the First Division", unless there is a ref to back this up, it can do with rephrasing. Reads a tad sports journalese.
• "Preston were back at Wembley a year later", in the same competition?

Scotland

• Replace comma with semicolon in "...against England at Wembley, Scotland winning the match 1–0..."

Management career

• Grimsby Town: Replace semicolon with comma in "only one team was promoted from Division Three North; with one from Division Three South"
• Grimsby Town: "The fives games" → "The games"
• Liverpool section generally well written. "Coupled with the roar of the crowd, it was designed to intimidate." and "Shankly admitted he thought the final was lost" need citations.

Retirement from Liverpool

• "which was that he didn't win the European Cup" avoid contrations → did not.

Later years and death

• "On the day of Shankly's death, training was cancelled at both Melwood and Bellefield." and "The Labour Party conference stood in a minute's silence for a man who had always been a socialist." need citations.

These are the only issues I could find for now. Otherwise, a very well written and readable article. On hold for seven days. – Lemonade51 (talk) 13:08, 30 June 2012 (UTC)

Given there has been no response from the nominator from the time I have put this on hold till now, with regret I am failing this article. Lemonade51 (talk) 18:39, 8 July 2012 (UTC)