Talk:Beulah Ream Allen/GA1
Latest comment: 3 years ago by Esculenta in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: Esculenta (talk · contribs) 16:17, 8 September 2020 (UTC)
Hello, I will try reviewing this article. I will have some comments on here in the next day or two. Esculenta (talk) 16:17, 8 September 2020 (UTC)
- After carefully reading through this well-written article, I'm confident it already meets the GA criteria. I'm going to suggest a few tweaks that may help to improve it:
- Please consider these possible links for the lead: LDS Hospital, Salt Lake City, prisoner, concentration camp, dean
- “She was stationed in Baguio, when the rest of the Army retreated to the Bataan Peninsula and was responsible for the care of nearly 30 soldiers.“ The way the sentence is currently put together might lead a reader to erroneously think the army was responsible for the 30 soldiers after they retreated. How about a small rearrangement something like "“She was stationed in Baguio, responsible for the care of nearly 30 soldiers, after the rest of the Army retreated to the Bataan Peninsula.“
- ”Illinois Training School for Nurses [Wikidata]" I haven't seen a link to Wikidata in the article text like this; is this standard protocol? I went to the WD page as an interested reader and didn't find anything that would help me learn more about this school, so perhaps it's not that useful?
- 2 ways of doing it, simply making a red link, or tying it to the Wikidata entry. The wikidata entry will make it appear on a red list, giving it broader exposure, so that hopefully a member of Women in Red (which may well be me) will create an article about it. I googled the institution and though it is now defunct, it is definitely notable. SusunW (talk) 16:17, 9 September 2020 (UTC)
- I don’t think Registered Nurse requires capitalizing, as it is being used as a common noun rather than a title
- possible links to consider throughout the text: chief medical officer, medical discharge, yeast supplements, mosquito nets
- "Allen treated patients with yeast supplements, to improve their health." The idea of "treating" patients with yeast sounds odd to my ear. How about "Allen supplemented the patients' diets with nutritional yeast, to improve their health."
- ”... not allowed to vote on the General Committee which operated the camp” which->that
- ”Allen's proposal won more favorable votes” Sounds a bit odd ... is the word "favorable" necessary?
- "In 2001, Lucinda Bateman published Beulah, the Good Doctor: A Biography of Beulah Ream Allen." Why omit the co-author Helen Ream Bateman? (BTW, according to this site, they are her great-niece and niece) Also, it's unclear to me why you aren't making use of this as a source for more interesting biographic details; it's available online here.
- Wow! Thank you so much Esculenta I live in Mexico and get different results from search engines than people who search in the US or Europe. I tried all my usual tricks but could not find a link to the book. As it is self-published, the book doesn't meet wikipedia's reliable source standard for editorial control, but it will be interesting reading. I've added Helen as author and your link to the citation. SusunW (talk) 16:39, 9 September 2020 (UTC)
Other GA requirements:
- all three photos are PD
- article is stable
- article is well-written and complies with MoS standards
- article follows NPOV
- factually accurate and verifiable: much of the article is sourced to offline text that I can't access, but the online sources I did check confirm the article text without any evidence of plagiarism or close paraphrasing.
- article is broad in its coverage and does not omit major details