Talk:Battle of Marash/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Lord Roem (talk) 17:57, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

There are some disambugation/redirect pages not to the correct page and two links that are dead (see the box to the right for specifics). Lord Roem (talk) 18:11, 3 March 2011 (UTC)

I've removed the two links (they did not appear to be too helpful or even reliable for that matter) but the Battle of Maraş/Battle of Maras wikilinks seem to work fine in redirecting to the correct article.--Marshal Bagramyan (talk) 04:57, 4 March 2011 (UTC)

I am a bit busy this weekend, so I will resume the review on Saturday/Sunday. Lord Roem (talk) 12:25, 4 March 2011 (UTC)

Review

Apologies for the delay - I've been busy.

Lead

• "Scandalous retreat" - right use of words?

Background

• "an apple of discord" - rephrase
• Split up the last sentence, seems a bit run on

Turkish Nationalist movements

• Woah. First sentence in the second paragraph has too many clauses. Also should be split up or rephrased.
• Muslim "notables" - is this a description or a title?

Active Stage

• Maybe change "word got out", sounds a bit too informal
• Did the frostbitten die later? If yes, I'd change that to "...and 300 severely frostbitten (some of which died later)."

Massacre of Armenians

• I am concerned about the word "slaughter" i the first sentence.
• "as in previous times and troubles", please add a cite here
• "The Armenian legionnaires put up a valiant defense..." - valiant doesn't seem neutral here.

Aftermath

• Again, "slaughter"
• "Ultimately, on March 10 British..." - this sentence has comma and clause issues. I suggest cutting it up or rephrasing.

Final Thoughts

• I'm putting this on hold pending the changes above, for up to seven days. Regards, Lord Roem (talk) 17:57, 9 March 2011 (UTC)

Ok, I made most of the changes in regards to grammar and softened up the language with the hope that it sounds more neutral. And based on my reading on the French casualties, the frosbitten soldiers did not die (lest they too would have been added to the number of dead list).--Marshal Bagramyan (talk) 02:11, 12 March 2011 (UTC)

All right then! I checked your edits and I believe everything is resolved. Good job and congrats! I will now promote the article. Best regards, Lord Roem (talk) 23:02, 12 March 2011 (UTC)