Talk:Amenemhat IV/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 05:28, 3 December 2014 (UTC)

I'll give reviewing this a shot. I don't believe I've reviewed an Ancient Egyptian article before, so should be interesting. Wizardman 05:28, 3 December 2014 (UTC)

I am looking forward to your review. Iry-Hor (talk) 10:58, 3 December 2014 (UTC)

Here are the issues I found:

• "ruling for over 9 years at the end" nine; write out single-digit numbers.

Y Done! Iry-Hor (talk) 08:42, 6 December 2014 (UTC)

• "and to the Land of Punt and maintained trade relation with " relations; also the two ands back to back make this sentence feel like a run-on; reword.

Y Done! Iry-Hor (talk) 08:42, 6 December 2014 (UTC)

• "and inaugurates the decline of the Middle Kingdom into the Second Intermediate Period." inaugurated

Y Done! Iry-Hor (talk) 08:42, 6 December 2014 (UTC)

• "The relation of Amenemhat IV to Amenemhat III is similarly uncertain, the " should be a semicolon

Y Done! Iry-Hor (talk) 08:42, 6 December 2014 (UTC)

• " This is contested however and some egyptologists, among which Aidan Dodson and Kim Ryholt," I'd use 'such as' rather than among which, the latter doesn't sound right.

Y Done! Iry-Hor (talk) 08:42, 6 December 2014 (UTC)

• "The foundations of the temple, administrative buildings, granaries and residences were uncovered by an Egyptian archaeological expedition in early 2006. Amenemhat IV likely also built a temple in the northeastern Fayum at Qasr el-Sagha." would like to see this cited.

Y Citation added! Iry-Hor (talk) 08:42, 6 December 2014 (UTC)

• Going the other way, why the five citations for the sentence in the next paragraph? Seems like a simple enough paragraph.

Y Because the pedestal of Amenemhat IV in Karnak is an important piece of evidence regarding his coregency and thus has been discussed by scholars a number of times. The citations given include the most recent work on the subject, and the founding studies on the matter as well as a photography of the pedestal. Iry-Hor (talk) 08:42, 6 December 2014 (UTC)

• "Less probably, " less likely sounds a bit better.

Y Done! Iry-Hor (talk) 08:42, 6 December 2014 (UTC)

• See if you can find someone to do a quick punctuation copyedit; some of the comma usage isn't very good. I gave some examples of this above.

I have asked native speakers to do this for me. Iry-Hor (talk) 13:29, 6 December 2014 (UTC)

I've run through the article, correcting punctuation and trimming some verbiage, and I think it's in pretty good shape now. A. Parrot (talk) 02:56, 7 December 2014 (UTC)

I'll put the article on hold and will give it a second read-through once everything's addressed. Wizardman 01:34, 6 December 2014 (UTC)

It reads a lot better after the copyedit, thanks for doing that. Since everything else has been addressed, I'll pass the article. Wizardman 05:09, 7 December 2014 (UTC)

Semna

and an inscription found in Semna at the Second Cataract is dated to his year 13, which probably also counts his coregency.

I deleted that sentence. I checked the Semna inscriptions and there is no year 13 for Amenemhat IV. I guess that might be an old - out of date - reading of one of the inscriptions, some of them are quite faded.. bw -- Udimu (talk) 16:22, 4 December 2014 (UTC)

Udimu Wait are you sure? Because this is explicitely said in Baker's book. It says: "At present, the highest contemporary date we have for Amenemhet IV is a year 13 from an inscription found at Semna, at the Second Cataract". Unless you have a contradictory evidence that this is a mistake, the statement should be put back since it is referenced. Iry-Hor (talk) 19:09, 4 December 2014 (UTC)

I checked the publications (Dunham, Janssen: Second Cat. Forts and Reineke, Hintze: Felsinschriften) of the rock inscriptions of Semna and can't find any year 13 for Amenemhat IV. Does Baker cite his evidence? I can check that. best wishes -- Udimu (talk) 23:53, 4 December 2014 (UTC)

Baker does give his references but the problem is he does not say which one is about the Semna inscriptions (there is just a list of references at the end of the article on Amenemhat IV). I will boil the possibilities down to 2 or 3 references and will check them. Iry-Hor (talk) 08:51, 5 December 2014 (UTC)

I also checked Matzker, Ingo: Die letzten Könige der 12. Dynastie http://www.peterlang.com/download/datasheet/12069/datasheet_09348.pdf . He give a list of all monuments with the year dates. There is no year 13 for A. IV. Not sure where Baker got the information. bw -- Udimu (talk) 17:14, 5 December 2014 (UTC)