Talk:Aid climbing/GA1
Latest comment: 47 minutes ago by Aszx5000 in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Nominator: Aszx5000 (talk · contribs) 23:31, 20 May 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: LunaEatsTuna (talk · contribs) 04:25, 23 May 2024 (UTC)
Oo this looks interesting! Will review within this month. Template:LunaEatsTunaSig (talk), posted at 04:25, 23 May 2024 (UTC)
- Well that was a lie – sorry. I am going to start the review by tonight though, now that I have the free time. ❧ LunaEatsTuna (talk), writing articles since 2017 – posted at 20:44, 5 June 2024 (UTC)
- Ga review
- This article switches between metre and meter, make sure to use one for consistency.
- Done. It is written in British English, but some of the American quotes have "meter", but I have changed them for consistency.
- There is no need for the bullet points in the § Equipment or § Techniques sections; they can easily be converted into paragraphs without hindering readability. They do make a lot of sense in § Grading though.
- What you say makes sense, although I did it to try and make these 'technical' sections easier to navigate (i.e. you knew what each paragraph meant as it was a bullet with a label)? However, if you think it does not help, I can change it to paragraphs. Aszx5000 (talk) 17:16, 8 June 2024 (UTC)
- @Aszx5000: Well, I think it just looks a bit non-standard. I am pretty sure we generally reserve bullet point lists only for short listings of items, i.e. WP:BULLETLIST says "they are not appropriate for large paragraphs". I really like your reasoning though, but I reckon it will not be too technically challenging for most who make it that far, given your writing style is really helpful and makes things easy to understand for non-climbing experts. :) ❧ LunaEatsTuna (talk), proudly editing since 2018 (and just editing since 2017) – posted at 23:01, 10 June 2024 (UTC)
- Hi @LunaEatsTuna, I have only just seen this now! I wonder given that each of these bullet points have a 'heading' (e.g. 'Fixed placement equipment'), should they be sub-sections? Would that be more natural? Sorry for being a pain about this, but I have other articles that use this format for the 'equipment' and 'techniques' sections (e.g. Big wall climbing). thanks. Aszx5000 (talk) 08:55, 17 June 2024 (UTC)
- @Aszx5000: Why not try it and see how it looks? :3 ❧ LunaEatsTuna (talk), proudly editing since 2018 (and just editing since 2017) – posted at 22:31, 17 June 2024 (UTC)
- @LunaEatsTuna: I have made the change to those two sections (converting bullets into sub-sections). What do you think? Are they too small to be sub-sections? thanks. Aszx5000 (talk) 10:27, 20 June 2024 (UTC)
- @Aszx5000: Why not try it and see how it looks? :3 ❧ LunaEatsTuna (talk), proudly editing since 2018 (and just editing since 2017) – posted at 22:31, 17 June 2024 (UTC)
- Hi @LunaEatsTuna, I have only just seen this now! I wonder given that each of these bullet points have a 'heading' (e.g. 'Fixed placement equipment'), should they be sub-sections? Would that be more natural? Sorry for being a pain about this, but I have other articles that use this format for the 'equipment' and 'techniques' sections (e.g. Big wall climbing). thanks. Aszx5000 (talk) 08:55, 17 June 2024 (UTC)
- @Aszx5000: Well, I think it just looks a bit non-standard. I am pretty sure we generally reserve bullet point lists only for short listings of items, i.e. WP:BULLETLIST says "they are not appropriate for large paragraphs". I really like your reasoning though, but I reckon it will not be too technically challenging for most who make it that far, given your writing style is really helpful and makes things easy to understand for non-climbing experts. :) ❧ LunaEatsTuna (talk), proudly editing since 2018 (and just editing since 2017) – posted at 23:01, 10 June 2024 (UTC)
- What you say makes sense, although I did it to try and make these 'technical' sections easier to navigate (i.e. you knew what each paragraph meant as it was a bullet with a label)? However, if you think it does not help, I can change it to paragraphs. Aszx5000 (talk) 17:16, 8 June 2024 (UTC)
- Description
- "Traditional aid climbing" no need for the quotation marks.
- Done
- Same for "Clean aid climbing" (and its many instances).
- Done, except if left 'clean aid climbing' on its first mention to note that it is a term?
- "which the second removed as they followed after the lead climber" – confusing sentence.
- Done changed to ";these are then removed by the second climber as they make their own ascent."
- I would rephrase ""Clean aid climbing" avoids" to something like "This method avoids" to avoid repetition with the previous sentence.
- Done changed to "This method therefore avoids"
- "and has been advocated by some as" – would just do "and has been advocated as" since mentioning some seems unnecessary.
- Done
- Recommend changing "world-famous" to "renown" or similar to sound less sensationalised.
- Done
- History
- "axles of the Ford cars" > "axles of Ford cars". Also:
- Wikilink Ford to Ford Motor Company.
- Done both changes
- "in big wall aid climbing, with the" – the comma is not necessary here. But:
- I would add a comma to "in one section, he drilled" but this is more optional.
- Done both changes
- "Reinhold Messner wrote a now famous" > "Reinhold Messner wrote a now-famous"
- Done
- Equipment
Low-key I have no concerns with this section.
- Techniques
- "into which they will attach aiders and ascend" > "into which they attach aiders and ascend" to simplify a bit.
- Done
- "easier with the passage of time (as later teams could use the fixed placements of earlier teams)" > recommend "easier over time as later teams could use the fixed placements of earlier teams." :)
- Done used "can" instead of "could"
- Is there a reason ""tenuous"" (lol) has quotation marks?
- Done agreed :)
- The section explaining the process of "Using aiders" will look better split into two (or perhaps more) sentences instead of one long one.
- Done agreed, I have re-worded this so hopefully it is clearer?
- IMO the sentence beginning with "Unlike free climbers, aid climbers "weight" all their placements" is not really necessary. Also:
- The rest of the section is a bit confusing for me (maybe I am just being dumb here, but compared to the rest of the fantastic article I find this one harder to grasp). Could you simplify/change around the wording a bit?
- Done agreed for both, and I have re-worded this so hopefully it is more straightforward to read
- "This is in contrast to traditional climbing where the second (or belayer)" > remove "or belayer" since it is already mentioned earlier.
- Done used "the second climber"?
- That looks great! ❧ LunaEatsTuna (talk), proudly editing since 2018 (and just editing since 2017) – posted at 22:32, 17 June 2024 (UTC)
- Done used "the second climber"?
- Grading
More to come