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Stuff that applies to the whole article
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- The word "whence" is archaic. Please replace with either "where", "from" or "from where".
- The word "feature" has been used way too many times. Try Ctrl+F to see how many times it's been used. That'll have to be fixed, perhaps by merging sentences, or by replacing that word.
Writing and inspiration
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- It received its first airing when co-producers Timbaland and Andy Smith
- Andy Smith is not on the producer list (in the info box).
- "4 Minutes" features collaboration from Madonna, Justin Timberlake and Timbaland.
- Rephrase to: "4 Minutes" is a collaboration by Madonna, Justin Timberlake and Timbaland.
- Timberlake and Timbaland produced the rhythms of the track while Madonna penned the lyrics.
- Contradicts information in the infobox.
- Madonna said that Timberlake and her developed
- Should be: Timberlake and she, not her.
- When asked about the meaning behind the song and if it is trying to tell a message, Madonna said that,
- Change the sentence to: When asked about the meaning behind the song and whether it is trying to convey a message, Madonna said,
- According to her the song is a ballad for the world with the great big marching band.
- The sentence is not a paradox, as the previous sentence seems to suggest. Also, where is this quote mentioned? - mentioned in the source itself, however it has been changed as it was a quote from the interviewer.
- and having a bass like a marching band
- Change tense. Try: has the bass of a marching band, or something of that sort.
- Madonna and Timberlake's vocal range spans two octaves from F3 to Bb5.
- Source? - the same sheet music source.
*The song starts with Timbaland's trademark bhangra beats
- "Trademark" does not sound correct. Try "characteristic".
- The song moves towards a hard clanging beat as Madonna sings the lines that the "road
- Change to: The song moves towards a hard clanging beat as Madonna sings the line "the road...
- Here the '...' means you have to continue as normal with the rest of the sentence.
- Madonna and Timberlake starts singing the chorus with Timberlake singing the main line of "We’ve only got four minutes to save the world" in a Michael Jackson inspired voice.
- Multiple mistakes here. "Singing" comes twice in the same sentence. "Starts" should be replaced with "start". And you'll need to specify who exactly has the Michael Jackson inspired voice.
- Madonna singing the words tick-tock repeatedly after which it ends.
- Madonna singing is not a beat, as the sentence seems to suggest. - Exactly, hence the owrd singing has been used. There is nothing wrong here.
*According to Jon Pareles of The New York Times, lyrically although the song sounds like that four minutes is the time it takes to have a guaranteed pop hit or the time taken for a quick sexual intercourse
- I strongly recommend removing the sexual intercourse reference. It's absolutely unnecessary.
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- It can be considered objectionable by some users, and per policy as long as it doesn't make the article less informative, relevant, or accurate it can be removed. Aditya α ß 05:40, 27 June 2009 (UTC)Reply
- with the sound of the clock ticking emphasizing it more.
- Remove 'more'. Not necessary.
- between superpowers who not only share equal billing, but sound gangbusters together.
- The equal billing part contradicts the lead.
- When there are 10 reviews and only one of them call it equal billing, that doesnot qualify for LEAD which should encompass the article. In this case many reviewers expressed concern that Madonna sounded more like a featured artist on the song that Justin Timberlake. Hence the LEAD is fine.
*and going to the top five of the rest.
- Of the rest of all the countries? Or the rest of a specified list of countries?
- The song also became the ninth top ten hit for Timberlake as a solo artist.
- Could you clarify this? 4 Minutes is not a solo performance.
- Changed to Timberlake only.
- The phrase "the song" has been used twice in the same paragraph. Needs to be fixed.
- "4 Minutes" also become a success in Oceania.
- Should be "4 Minutes" was also a success in Oceania.
- "4 Minutes" has been certified platinum by the Australian Recording Industry Association(ARIA) for sales of 70,000 copies.
- Isn't platinum supposed to be for albums that sell 1 million copies?
- the female solo artist with the most number ones in the
- Change to: the female solo artist with the most number one singles in the
- similar popularity in rest of
- Change to: similar popularity in the rest of
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- Done --Legolas (talk2me) 09:21, 25 June 2009 (UTC)Reply
- Source the first paragraph.
*Replace 'trademark' with 'characteristic', as mentioned above.
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- It's in the first paragraph. "Trademark platinum blond wavy hair"
- What is the relevance of the first line ("None of us did") of Madonna's quote?
- Changed to None of us did[understand the black screen concept].
- The phrase: "The video" has been repeated twice in the first two lines of the second paragraph. Replace the second one with "it".
- Replace whence, as specified above.
- What do you mean by routine jumping?
- "Madonna strips down to her corset only
- Do you mean the inside of Madonna's cheeks? Should be specified.
- Madonna said it was like "Goody goody gum drops".
- What can you infer from this? What's the relevance? Hardly seems encyclopedic.
- Exemplified to include that it refers to the album title.
- they take part in a well-choreographed dance
- Rephrase to: taking part in a dance
- while cleaning from the set
- Could you clarify this? Was the cleaning the set? Or does cleaning have an alternate meaning I'm not aware of?
- Changed the tone of the sentence.
- There was even a cameo by Cyrus' grandmother.
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- Same source at the end. I'm confused, are you reading the sources at all?
- Yup. I see it now. I Ctrl+F for the sentence the source claims to contain. Not all sentences prior to it. That would explain it. Anyway, part III coming up. Aditya α ß 15:38, 25 June 2009 (UTC)Reply
- Replace "whence", per above.
- They performed the song in similar choreography like the music video
- Replace with: They performed the song in choreography similar to the music video
- When Timberlake appeared onstage in person, Madonna and he performed the song in the similar choreography as performed in the Hard Candy Promo Tour.
- Replace with: When Timberlake appeared onstage in person, he performed the song with Madonna in choreography similar to the kind in the Hard Candy Promo Tour.
- Done. --Legolas (talk2me) 09:21, 25 June 2009 (UTC)Reply
I'll tackle more issues tomorrow. Aditya α ß 18:15, 24 June 2009 (UTC)Reply
- Could you please go through WP:AVOID and remove all the words that are listed on that page? Meanwhile I'm going through the sources, that'll take a few hours. Aditya α ß 17:34, 25 June 2009 (UTC)Reply
- Hello again. You've been inactive for a few days? Anyway, I was going to pass the article, but I see not all of my suggestions have been incorporated. I've highlighted them in bold above. Aditya α ß 16:48, 28 June 2009 (UTC)Reply
- I have addressed every other concern except for the equal billing and Jon Pareles which I have explained at your talk page. --Legolas (talk2me) 05:04, 29 June 2009 (UTC)Reply
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