Talk:20th Battalion (New Zealand)/GA1
Latest comment: 11 years ago by WikiCopter in topic GA Review
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Reviewer: WikiCopter (talk · contribs) 00:39, 14 January 2013 (UTC) Starting review... NOW WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 00:39, 14 January 2013 (UTC)
- Looks good at first blush. Try expanding the lead a bit. That's all for now, I am pressed in the real world. WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 00:39, 14 January 2013 (UTC)
- Cheers. Another thought: convert the bulleted list in last section into numbered list, and ref the list. (dang, my spacebar is not working well today!) WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 05:13, 15 January 2013 (UTC)
- I have added a ref for each name. Regarding the numbering of the list I am reluctant to do this. It implies an logical order or sequence to the commanding officers when in fact command shifted back and forth between some individuals. For example McKergow had two spells in command, replacing Burrows both times. Also, on other GA articles in the ANZSP I have looked at, the list of commanding officers is presented as bulleted lists. I would like to be consistent with those articles. I hope that is satisfactory. Zawed (talk) 11:01, 15 January 2013 (UTC)
- Ah... I see. Do you have the dates of command? If so, embedding this information into the list would be nice. Also, I think you should ref the first (unbulleted) line, instead of cluttering up the list with little blue numbers in brackets. WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 21:41, 15 January 2013 (UTC)
- I have added a ref for each name. Regarding the numbering of the list I am reluctant to do this. It implies an logical order or sequence to the commanding officers when in fact command shifted back and forth between some individuals. For example McKergow had two spells in command, replacing Burrows both times. Also, on other GA articles in the ANZSP I have looked at, the list of commanding officers is presented as bulleted lists. I would like to be consistent with those articles. I hope that is satisfactory. Zawed (talk) 11:01, 15 January 2013 (UTC)
- Formatting:
- In the infobox, indent the bullets and remove the bullets.
- Done. Zawed (talk) 00:43, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
- Grammar:
- There are grammar slips in the first sentences of the first two sections.
- The second section's grammar is atrocious... should be extensively copyedited or rewritten.
- First sentence of third section is long, and poorly constructed.
- "gradually traveled up Italy towards the Sangro River" should be travelled... Right? I don't know if it is different in British English... I am American.
- "Like at Orsogna" should be as.
Beyond this, you should be good to go! I will forgo onholding, as I think you can fix all this soon enough. WikiCopter (t • c • onau) 21:50, 15 January 2013 (UTC)