Talk:2016 Camellia Bowl/GA1

Latest comment: 3 years ago by PCN02WPS in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 15:21, 19 March 2021 (UTC)Reply


Hi there! I'll be reviewing this page within the next week or so. For full transparency, I have made two edits to this page (22 Dec 2016 and 23 Dec 2016), though they were merely adding statistics to, and updating formatting on, a table that no longer exists within the article; I had nothing to do with the article's expansion. Note also that this is my first GA review, so I'll try my best! PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 15:21, 19 March 2021 (UTC)Reply

I have added some comments on the first few sections, I should get to the rest of the article in the coming days. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 07:16, 22 March 2021 (UTC)Reply

I've finished with the rest of the comments below. Thanks for your patience. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 05:02, 23 March 2021 (UTC)Reply

Placing on hold for now, take as much time as you need to address further changes. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 02:22, 25 March 2021 (UTC)Reply

Lead

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  • "Played on December 17, 2016 at the Cramton Bowl..." → add comma after 2016
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 17:43, 22 March 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "it was the third edition of the bowl game" → I'd specify that it was the third edition of the Camellia Bowl, specifically
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 17:43, 22 March 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "Division I-FBS" → I think the hyphen is included for "Division I-A", but not for "Division I FBS"
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05
  • "a share of the Sun Belt conference championship" → capitalize "Conference", as the game is the championship of the Sun Belt Conference
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 17:43, 22 March 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "The Rockets entered the game as one-point favorites, but the matchup was widely expected to be competitive" → reword this slightly, since the fact that Toledo was a one-point favorite supports the expectation for a competitive game instead of contradicting it.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 17:43, 22 March 2021 (UTC)Reply

Team selection

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  • "with a team from the Mid-American Conference" → add "(MAC)" after "Mid-American Conference" to specify since "MAC" is used elsewhere in the article
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 17:43, 22 March 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "The game's creation was requested by the two conferences, lower-tier conferences in Division I-Football Bowl Subdivision (Division I-FBS) that desired additional bowl bids." → this sentence reads awkwardly, I'd reword this to eliminate repetition and see if the comma can be dropped (and nix the hyphens on Division I-FBS).
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 17:43, 22 March 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "Although the Rockets had the 4th-ranked offense in the nation as compared to 55th for the Mountaineers, the 15th-ranked Mountaineer defense was ranked well above the 55th-ranked Toledo defense." → I would be consistent with how you refer to each team; you refer to App State as "Mountaineers" twice but use "Toledo" and "Rockets" once each in that sentence.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 17:43, 22 March 2021 (UTC)Reply

App State

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  • "Appalachian State nearly upset the #9-ranked Tennessee Volunteers" → "No. 9 Tennessee Volunteers"; per MOS:POUND, the "#" symbol should not be used as a number indicator.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 18:30, 24 March 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "falling 20–13 in double overtime" → "falling 13–20 in double overtime" - typically, the team in question's score comes first, rather than the winner's score regardless. Also applies to "45–10" loss to Miami and "28–24" loss to Troy
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 18:30, 24 March 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • "12 Appalachian State players were named..." → WP:NUMNOTES advises to avoid starting a sentence with a number
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05
  • "...but had recorded 872 rushing yards and eight touchdowns..." → since the first figure is represented by numerals (872), it's better to do the same for the second as well.
    Done. Toa Nidhiki05 18:30, 24 March 2021 (UTC)Reply

Toledo

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Game summary

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Broadcast and game notes

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  • "was broadcast on television on ESPN and on radio at ESPN Radio." → sounds more natural to me to say it was broadcast "by" xyz rather than broadcast "on" xyz

First quarter

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Second quarter

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Third quarter

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Fourth quarter

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Aftermath

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Overall assessment

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GA review
(see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):  
    b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references):  
    b (citations to reliable sources):  
    c (OR):  
    d (copyvio and plagiarism):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):  
    b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):  
    b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  

Overall:
Pass/Fail:  

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My concerns have been addressed, so I am passing. Congrats, well done. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 05:34, 26 March 2021 (UTC)Reply