Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/May Revolution/archive7

Addressed comments from Crisco 1492

Prose comments from Crisco 1492

• The May Revolution (Spanish: Revolución de Mayo) was a week-long series of events that took place from May 18 to 25, 1810, in Buenos Aires, capital of the Viceroyalty of the Río de la Plata, a Spanish colony that included roughly the territories of present-day Argentina, Bolivia, Paraguay and Uruguay. - That's a massive sentence right there. Perhaps trim everything after Plata and leave the explanation for the body. (You have a link, after all)
• Spanish South America, the May Revolution is also considered one of the early events of the Spanish American wars of independence - Spanish South American ... Spanish American. A way to avoid the duplication?
• Liberal ideals in the political and economic fields developed and spread through the Atlantic Revolutions across most of the Western world, and expanded to new and varied ideas thanks to the national variations of the Age of Enlightenment. - I'm having a really hard time parsing this sentence.
• Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen - Which was from?
• (modern Sucre, Bolivia). - This is usually for a city. I get what you're saying, but University of Chuquisaca is a single grammatic unit and thus "modern Sucre" would apply to the university
• The Napoleonic Wars, in which Britain was at war with France, made this a difficult task, after Napoleon imposed the Continental System, which forbade his allies and conquests to trade with Britain. - Very long sentence, lots of commas. Any way to simplify?
• Charles IV requested that Napoleon restore him to the throne; instead, Napoleon crowned his own brother, Joseph Bonaparte, as the new Spanish King. - In the preceding sentence he abdicated, now he wants to come back? Not sure of the chronology here.
• This situation damaged the viceroyalty, as Spain's economy was not powerful enough to produce the huge supply of goods that the numerous colonies would need, which caused economic shortages and recession. - Really long sentence, should be split for easier parsing.
• military such as Antonio Beruti and Hipólito Vieytes - Missing a word.
• Mariano Moreno, Juan José Paso and Cornelio Saavedra. - They are...?
• Javier de Elío freed them and gave them political asylum at Montevideo. - When?
• handed over - Rather idiomatic. Any more formal wording?
• his 800 men were completely outnumbered by the more than 5,000 men sent from Lima. - Men ... men
• University of Saint Francis Xavier - Didn't you refer to this as the University of Chuquisaca earlier? Which was it at the time
• his famous quote - According to whom? Also, you should provide the original Spanish as well (in a footnote, if necessary)
• Haven't copyedited all the way to the bottom, but I don't think a separate section for the members of the Junta is necessary.
• That's it for today. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:15, 22 October 2012 (UTC)

Done. Yes, Charles IV abdicated, and then wanted to be restored to the throne. This is because he felt he was forced to abdicate by the mutiny. Cornelio Saavedra was not described in that paragraph because he had been already introduced to the reader at the previous one. Javier de Elío freed the prisoners immediately (or as soon as it could be arranged, considering the delays of XIX century transport), so it fits fine in the sequence of events. Yes, the University was the University of Chiquisaca at the time, and it's currently renamed to Saint Xavier, I fixed that. The quote is pointed as famous by Luna himself (the author of the book), and there's for example a book by Miguel Ángel Scenna called "las brevas maduras". Thanks for he review Cambalachero (talk) 02:47, 24 October 2012 (UTC)

• Perhaps indicate that it was Luna who considered the quote famous. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 05:24, 24 October 2012 (UTC)

• The May Week was - Reason for the italics?
• arrived at Buenos Aires from Gibraltar with European newspapers that reported the dissolution of the Supreme Central Junta the previous January. - Is that it came from Gibraltar pertinent to this narrative?
• The "Café de Catalanes" and the "Fonda de las Naciones", frequent criollo meeting places, became venues for political discussions and radical proclamations; - Per Grapple
• replace him with a patriot government - Replace one man with an entire government, or with another man?
• Cicero - This Cicero, or a character not based in history? Perhaps a link?
• Infernal Legion - Why the quotes on the first occurrence?
• According to official records, only about 251 out of the 450 officially - Official, officially...
• A merchant, José Ignacio Rezábal, attended the open cabildo but explained his concerns in a letter to the priest Julián S. de Agüero and said that his doubts were shared by other people close to him. - Perhaps "A merchant, José Ignacio Rezábal, attended the open cabildo but, in a letter to the priest Julián S. de Agüero, said that he had some doubts which were shared by other people close to him."
• Manuel Alberti, Azcuénaga, Escalada and Argerich (or Aguirre) - Who are these men, if recorded?
• Same paragraph: Perhaps merge it with the following paragraph?
• "...there shall be no doubt that it is the people that create authority or command." - Translation?
• sought simply to replace Cisneros with Huidobro: Huidobro was the most senior military - Huidobro x2, and I think you're missing the word "officer"
• a mob led by French and Beruti filled the Plaza - You've been giving full names so far, why French and Beruti now? I saw Beruti and thought "people from Beirut, in Argentina"?
• Citation needed tag
• Pancho Planes - Who?
• That's it for today. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:25, 23 October 2012 (UTC)

• Banda Oriental - What's that?
• Breve historia de los Argentinos - English title?
• The ruse is known as the "Mask of Ferdinand VII". - By whom?
• Absolutism, link on the first usage.
• Duplicate links: University of Chuquisaca, mutiny of Álzaga, Juan José Paso, Antonio Beruti, Juan José Castelli, Juan José Paso, Domingo French, Antonio Beruti, Historiography of the May Revolution#Factual concerns, Cornelio Saavedra, Manuel Belgrano, Juan José Castelli, Juan José Paso, Mariano Moreno, Mariano Moreno, Royal Audiencia of Buenos Aires, Upper Peru, Francisco Javier de Elío, Viceroyalty of Peru, popular sovereignty, Bartolomé Mitre, Supreme Director of the United Provinces of the Río de la Plata, Juan Bautista Alberdi, Argentine Declaration of Independence, Plaza de Mayo. Not all of these have to go, but make sure none of these duplicates are close together (within about 10k characters, I think). — Crisco 1492 (talk) 11:25, 27 October 2012 (UTC)

Done. The banda oriental is a region of the viceroyalty, it can be guessed by the context, and it is linked. Cambalachero (talk) 23:06, 27 October 2012 (UTC)