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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Oerip Soemohardjo/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by GrahamColm 17:19, 11 September 2012 [1].

Oerip Soemohardjo edit

Oerip Soemohardjo (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

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Nominator(s):  — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:33, 28 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because it is a high quality look at a fairly important figure in Indonesian military history. It just passed the A-class review and it is easily the best look at the subject on the web. If promoted this would be our first FA on an Indonesian military figure. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:33, 28 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support I recently reviewed this article in its A class review, and I think that it also meets the FA criteria. Once again, great work with this excellent article. Nick-D (talk) 10:22, 29 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • Move the first image in Indonesian National Revolution and death to right side per MOS:IMAGELOCATION
  • Per MOS:ACCESS, use actual sub-sections for Footnotes and Bibliography.
  • Categories below should be sorted in alphebitcal order

TBrandley 15:51, 29 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support on prose per standard disclaimer. I've looked at the changes made (including the last edit, mine) since I reviewed this for A-class. These are my edits. (Edits may take days to show up on that page.) - Dank (push to talk) 21:07, 29 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

  • Check alphabetization of Bibliography
  • Done.
  • Check for template glitches like doubled periods
  • Done
  • Pour: GBooks link appears to go to a different book?
  • Fixed
  • No first name (Javanese don't always have more than one). WorldCat give Sardiman A M, but his name's written in the book as Drs. Sardiman, A.M., M.Pd so I think A M is an academic title and not part of his name — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:08, 30 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Malleus Fatuorum I'm frankly leaning towards oppose because of the quality of the prose. Here are a few specific examples:

  • "Because his parents wanted him to follow in the steps of his maternal grandfather by becomeing a regent, after elementary school Oerip was sent to the School for Native Government Employees in Magelang." Rather awkwardly written I think, and that "becomeing" should have been picked up before now.
  • "Oerip Soemohardjo was born with the name Mohammad Sidik". No he wasn't, he was given the name after he was born.
  • "... at a young age Sidik began showing leadership qualities, commanding groups of neighbourhood children". Commanding them to do what?
  • Added "in fishing and games of football."
  • "After he awoke, his mother send a letter to Widjojokoesoemo ...". How can this article have two supports when it contains errors like this?
  • Fixed.
  • "... but nevertheless paid Oerip's tuition". He didn't pay it, he paid for it.
  • Fixed.
  • " Samarinda, Tarakan, and ultimately Malinau." That's not a sentence.
  • Fixed.
  • "Together, Sudirman and Oerip were able to eliminate much of the differences between former KNIL and PETA troops." Should be "many of the differences", and probably "address" rather than "eliminate".
  • Done.

Malleus Fatuorum 18:45, 31 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thanks for the review, please feel free to comment further. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:00, 1 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    You already have the required three supports, unjustifiably IMO, and I'm not certain I have the energy right now to fight the MilHist steamroller, so no more comments from me. Malleus Fatuorum 04:01, 1 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Note to delegates: The article had an image review by Nikkimaria at its A-class review and no images have been added or removed since then. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:44, 1 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support. Looks good; well done. TBrandley 01:11, 1 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Comment: G'day, I've taken a run through and made a few wording tweaks. Could you please check that you are happy with these changes? Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 08:56, 1 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Looks peachy except one typo (which I've fixed) — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:06, 1 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sorry for that. The only other suggestion that I have is that the National Heroes of Indonesia template at the bottom of the article might be better presented in collapsed form, as it is currently quite large. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 11:46, 3 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Collapsed (modified the main template, as I expect at least three new heroes to be declared in November; SBY has declared at least three national heroes a year since taking office) — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:51, 3 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Looks good, thanks for fixing that; I've added my support. There is only one more sentence/pargraph that I think could be improved (sorry, I missed it before). In the last paragraph of the Legacy section, this doesn't quite flow because they are dealing with two different things (streets and memorials), I think: "Several streets are named after Oerip. On 22 February 1964..." So, were the streets named after the memorials were established? If so, I suggest moving "Several streets..." to the end of the paragraph and just tweaking it to: "In addition, several streets were named after Oerip" and maybe including a couple of the notable examples, for instance if there is one in his hometown and or the capital city, etc. (assuming that there are reliable sources for the examples). If the streets were named before the memorials, perhaps just do something like this. "Several streets were named after Oerip after his death. In addition, on 22 February 1964..." This is just a suggestion, though, and it doesn't impact upon my support. Anyway, keep up the good work. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 19:59, 3 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • That's certainly do-able. I'll get on it. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:04, 3 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support and image check no issues. Image licenses fine. PumpkinSky talk 23:13, 2 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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