Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Barbara L/archive1
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted by SandyGeorgia 23:54, 3 October 2009 [1].
Barbara L edit
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I am nominating this for featured article because it's a comprehensive look at the life of one of the members of the American Quarter Horse Hall of Fame. Sometimes the girls don't get their fair share of glory, but hopefully this won't be the case for Babs here. Copyedited by Malleus, who labored to work my prose into something decent. Any remaining problems with the prose are mine, I'm sure! While there may be some sources possibly touching on her life, I'm not aware of them, as I've consulted most of the available ones. She was a pretty decent race mare and went on to become an outstanding broodmare. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:56, 21 September 2009 (UTC) One further bit... I promise the next one won't be a horse OR a bishop! Ealdgyth - Talk 15:58, 21 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- (I'll hold you to that. Fancy doing an album article?) In the meantime:
- Source comments:
- All links, dabs, sources check out, but:
- Surely if you give the full citation in the references section, you don't need extraneous detail in the footnotes, only author surname and page number? See refs 2, 3, 6, 8, 9, 11, 13, 14.
RB88 (T) 22:06, 21 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- I prefer to give the title, especially when there is more than one work by an author. It's the system I've used at FAC for quite a while (see... oh... Easy Jet, Go Man Go, Chicado V, Wilfrid, Gilbert Foliot, etc.). My feeling is that it helps to make it clearer what the work is that is being used. (oh, and no, the next one up is already set, just need the copyedit... and it's a person) Ealdgyth - Talk 22:12, 21 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Comments: Nitpicks, really:-
*Can the "racehorse" and "races" repetitions in the first sentence be avoided, e.g. by: "Barbara L was a Quarter Horse who raced during the early 1950s, often winning against some of the best racehorses of the time."
::Er... not fixed, actually. Brianboulton (talk) 16:22, 22 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
*Six not 6 per MOS
*I think just (AQHA), not (or AQHA) - it's not an alternative title.
*Earnings: I'm a bit concerned about the degree of spurious precision in the "current value" figure of $261,300. The earnings of $32,836 were accumulated over the six years 1949-55, so it is only possible to get an approximate current value. Your calculation is based on 1955, which is fair enough, but I think the "r" factor in the conversion template should be adjusted to -4, and the word "about" introduced. This would give "She earned $32,836 (about $370,000 as of 2024)" which I think is a bit more realistic. See also comments re later current values
- I'll defer to Malleus here, as he's the one who adjusted the rounding values, not myself. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:14, 22 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- That's a fair point Brian, I'll change it to -4 as you suggest. --Malleus Fatuorum 15:46, 22 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- I've changed the one in the lead, you've done the one lower down. Both OK now. Brianboulton (talk) 16:22, 22 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
*Unnecessary linking of American Quarter Horse Association in Early life section - just been linked in the lead
*"...dam, or mother, traced..." - "was traced"? (I don't know breeders' lingo)
- :* Fixed, changed to "descended from" ("traced" is actually correct, it's genealogist/horse breeder terminology for "way back in the pedigree...") Ealdgyth - Talk 15:14, 22 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
*"...sold at an auction" - "sold at auction"?
*Lumpkin becomes "Lumkin" - which is correct? (Lumkin also in infobox)
*Intrusive comma after "Green continued to race her". (The ref could be shifted until after the date)
*"Barbara L raced for seven years,..." I make 1949-55 six years. Possibly seven seasons?
*"placed second in four..." → "was placed second in four"
- Actually "placed" is correct. "Place" is a verb in this context (see Glossary of equestrian terms#P, and it's always better to use active than passive. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:14, 22 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
*Foals' earnings: $1.77 million should be qualified by "about", for reasons stated earlier. My feeling is at that all the current values of earnings in the second and third paragraphs should be rounded and described as approximate.
*Mr Bruce's 6 wins should be six
*Again, "was placed"?
These are not major issues and should easily be fixed, to give a nice, compact article. Brianboulton (talk) 10:39, 22 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Support: All my concerns quickly attended to (I like that). There could be a few more "abouts" and roundings of the values in the foals' earnings section, but otherwise no problems. Brianboulton (talk) 16:36, 22 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Support – Read through the entire article and saw no concerns at all. Short but comprehensive for the topic, and as might be expected by now, all of the sources are top-notch. Giants2008 (17–14) 23:34, 26 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- Support. I've got a few minor suggestions, but they don't hold me back from supporting:
- You spell out American Quarter Horse Association in both the lede and first paragraph ... do you feel this is necessary?
- The listing of race locations is very confusing. I'm uncertain if some of these locations are with their states or if the states are given as separate locations. I've put semicolons where I think they should go, but please check them to make sure I'm not in error. I strongly suggest alternating commas and semicolons. Forex: "Raton in Albequerque, New Mexico; in Colorado; ..."
- I'm not sure the definition of "seconds" allows its use in the sense of finishing second. I'd suggest rewording this.
- I gave it a quick copy edit, but please don't hesitate to revert any of the changes if you've got a good reason. JKBrooks85 (talk) 07:26, 30 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.