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GA Review edit
- This review is transcluded from Talk:Norman Yardley/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Brad78 (talk) 22:04, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
- Lead
- "An amateur, he captained Yorkshire from 1948 to 1955 and England on fourteen occasions between 1947 and 1950, winning four times, losing seven and drawing three." I might just be being picky here, but do you think it needs clarifying that those stats are for captaining England rather than Yorkshire?
- Tweaked by adding "Tests", but let me know if it is still unclear.--Sarastro1 (talk) 20:29, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- "Yardley made his name as a schoolboy cricketer as St Peter's, York." Again this is probably picky but for some reason, I don't like the wording of this sentence. Presumably he didn't play cricket at too many schools, and I presume he really made his name as a cricketer for Yorkshire and moreso England. I'd be tempted to simply say "Yardley played schoolboy cricket at St Peter's, York" or something similarly more clear.
- I know it's linked below, but I would probably link Cambridge Blue in the lead.
- "President of Yorkshire C.C.C. from 1981 to 1984, he was involved in controversy over the decision to release Geoffrey Boycott in 1983, resigning in 1984." I would probably reword this as it's not clear who resigned in 1984; possibly to "He was president of YCCC from 1981, ..., before he resigned in 1984."
- Early life
- "He was sent to St Peter's School, York, where he made a good impression as a cricketer, being in the cricket team for five years from 1930." cricketer ... cricket. I'd try a slight reword or maybe drop the word cricket; changing it to St Peter's, York, then the school team.
- "His form that season saw him selected for the Young Amateurs against the Young Professionals at Lord's Cricket Ground, and Yardley scored 189 in his first representative match, playing against his future England team-mate Denis Compton." I'd maybe change "...and Yardley" to "...in which Yardley"; for a couple of seconds I didn't realise this was the same game.
- First-class cricketer
- Is "Rugby Fives" all capped? The page in question seems to flip between Rugby Fives, Rugby fives and rugby fives.
- I'm assuming yes, but happy to change if it is wrong. --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:49, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- "Bowling much more regularly than in his first season,[11] his first wickets in first-class cricket came" first ... first ... first. While I appreciate, it might be difficult to change, I'd try and change at least one. My best suggestion would be "debut season" "maiden wickets" "first-class cricket" though on each occasion, I realise first is the better adjective. What do you think?
- Done as suggested. Not sure it sounds great, but you are right about first, and I can't think of a better way. --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:49, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- "He came first in the Cambridge batting averages and played an effective innings of 90 in the University Match." Againt "first" so soon after. How about "He came top of the ..."?
- Who was Stanley Jackson? I'd explain without asking the reader to click on his link.
- "Towards the end of August, he made his debut for Yorkshire," I presume Yorkshire means the Yorkshire 1st XI?
- I'd expand the hidden link of 1937 out a bit.
- Not entirely sure what you mean, but I've changed it to 1937 season. --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:49, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- "but Yardley played in the representative matches which took place." Do you know he performed?
- "Yardley enjoyed some personal success, among his fifties being innings of 67 against the touring Australian team and 61 in the University Match." I don't think it should be a comma after "success" I wouldn't like to see another semi-colon. So I'd suggest either a new sentence or slightly rewording to ensure one full sentence.
- Do you have any more in-depth details of his time during the war. I feel this would add some real, quality depth to the article.
- Tour to Australia in 1946–47
- 1946. See above about 1937. To be honest, while I understand you want to add links to all individual seasons, it's possible not always necessary. Or perhaps leave to a second mention, such as in this case "the first season".
- "as well as representing the Gentlemen against the Players" Do you think you could either link or explain Gentlemen and Players. I don't think the casual reader would understand.
- Already linked before the war. I think an explanation would be too convoluted to include briefly without breaking the flow. --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:49, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- "Prior to the tour, Yardley had been expected to appear lower down in the batting order and bat with a substantial total built up by the previous batsmen." Do you have a source for this or is it the one at the end of the following sentence?
- End of following sentence: all this is from the same source. --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:49, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- "Bill Bowes, the Yorkshire and England bowler who covered the tour as a journalist," Should this be "...the former Yorks and England ..."?
- Surprisingly, no! Bowes played for Yorkshire until 1947 and actually played for England in 1946. He was planning a career in journalism, hence the tour. However, he was still a current cricketer. --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:49, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- Do you have any more details about the tour to NZ?
- Not really, it was very short. The only other thing, he scored a century in the only other match of the tour. Worth mentioning? --Sarastro1 (talk) 20:49, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- England captain
- 1947. As above.
- You mention Yardley's score of 99 in two consecutive sentences. I'd try reword or drop one mention; or indeed a combination.
- Invincibles
- "The Australian batsmen found it difficult to play against the negative tactics but still established a lead of 344." This doesn't sound right. Do you have a reference to back up "Australia found it difficult"? Otherwise having built up a lead of 344, it doesn't quite fit.
- Tweaked to difficult to score quickly. The ref at the end of the next sentence (or two sentences) covers this. Basically, England bowled very wide to make it almost impossible to score runs and Australia, although scoring a lot of runs, did it very slowly and painfully and were uncomfortable against the tactics. --Sarastro1 (talk) 21:02, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- "Between the Tests," You haven't mentioned the second Test yet. I would suggest changing this to "Before the second Test, ..."
- 1951, 1952 and 1953 seasons are all hidden links. Do you have any more details on these seasons? It really could do with some.
- To be honest, there isn't much to say. I could list his aggregate and average for each season, but that is even more dull to read than it is to write. I could mention some of his scores, but there is little that stands out and nothing with a reference except a bare score. I tried to keep this brief or it would be very hard going as there are few incidents which stand out. Most comments about his career at this stage are quite general. Did links. --Sarastro1 (talk) 21:02, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- "Yorkshire dropped to equal twelfth, their worst ever finish." Is this still their worst finish? I would change to "their worst finish as of today" if so.
- Clarified. They've done far, far worse since then! --Sarastro1 (talk) 21:02, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- "Alan Gibson believed that unlike some county captains, was worth his place in the side on cricketing ability." A word missing here. Should it be Yardley between captains and and?
- Style and technique
- Do you have more details on this section?
- Again, everything is there that I have. Not much more to say, as he wasn't in the front rank of players, so no-one said much. --Sarastro1 (talk) 21:02, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- Career after cricket
- "However, he became involved in the controversy surrounding Geoffrey Boycott, to whom the Committee had decided not to give a new contract." On this occasion, I don't think committee should be capped.
- Date of death is different to the lead.
- Others
- I know this isn't really to do with the article in question, but perhaps a full template of England captains, rather than the individual predecessor and successor, would be better?
- Similarly, is there a template for Wisden cricketers of the year?
- Are there any images?
- Nothing in public domain from England and no photos I can find from Australia, which would be PD. Cricket articles are a pain to find images for. --Sarastro1 (talk) 21:02, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
- All links seem to work.
- There's a disambig link to squash.
Overall, I know the above list might look like a lot of work. However, feel free to respond to any of them. And above all, this article is very close to a GA pass, and to be quite honest, could probably be nominated for FA status pretty soon after. Brad78 (talk) 23:11, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
- Think that's everything that I can do for now. Thanks for the review! --Sarastro1 (talk) 21:02, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
Great work. In fact great work all round. As I said before, I reckoned this was probably a GA before I started the review. I'm going to pass this now; it passes all the GA criteria other than having no images.
I don't know what your plan for the article is now, but I can't see it being too far short of FA. A couple of suggestions on that point.
- The article could do with some more details on Yardley's career in the Second World Ward and life during the war.
- Perhaps some more details about his style of play. Maybe add some synopsis of his ability as a captain too.
- It could do with some more details about his personal life, was he married, where did he live, did he have any children.
- I've also left one point above about the NZ tour.
- The obvious point is that the article needs images. If everything else is addressed, they might be images of people/places associated with the article, e.g. Boycott.
- Perhaps get a peer review or ask someone to look through the piece, particularly someone who isn't familiar with cricketing terms/knowledge.
Hope all this helps. And well done. A worthy pass. Brad78 (talk) 23:24, 30 September 2010 (UTC)