Talk:Ichizu/Sakayume

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Ichizu/Sakayume/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: TeenAngels1234 (talk · contribs) 18:14, 8 December 2022 (UTC)

I'm gonna review this. Stay tuned.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 22:29, 10 December 2022 (UTC)

• I would avoid the repetition of "both songs" in the lead.
  • Done
• Is it encilcopedic that it was passed on Japanese television stations? I don't think it's relevant or a big incide of popularity - hundreds of songs are aired and over and over again, after all.
  • Removed that from the lead but should I remove the table?
• What is Perimeton?
  • Added. It's the artistic name of a person
• The part "that is a straight song ... Kaisen" seems irrelevant to me.
  • Done
• The next sentence is a direct quote, but I would rephrase and rewrite it in the third person.
  • Done
• "It conveys ... melody." According to whom? I would specify. "According to X,".
  • Revised
• "who wanted to ... appeal." Can you rewrite this? I don't think I understand it.
  • Revised
• I don't think is worth mentioning Megumi Ogata's comment.
  • Removed
• The first two quotes from "Critical response" (or part of them) seem more appropriate to me in "Overview," because they describe the song and its connection to JK more than expressing a critical opinion about it.
  • Moved.

@Tintor2: That is all.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 22:29, 10 December 2022 (UTC)

@TeenAngels1234: Thanks for the review. Especially in such a busy month.Tintor2 (talk) 23:09, 10 December 2022 (UTC)

• I would still specify who Perimetron is (even just "the musician Perimetron") and write it in lower case in "Background."
• Note notes in foreign languages. The appropriate parameter should be added to the templates.

@Tintor2: Okay. That's all. Good job.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 19:18, 11 December 2022 (UTC)

@TeenAngels1234: Added parametres to every reference that uses another language. Same with the director and lower case. Hope it helps.Tintor2 (talk) 22:09, 11 December 2022 (UTC)

• "due to how both ... to its speed." I would rewrite this sentence. Something like "; according to critics, both themes capture the essence...". I would avoid the repetition of "themes."
  • Revised
• Could you put the note for the quote "the whole song is like a chorus"?
  • Reworded
• There was pressure to ... but Tsuneta thinks ... Kaisen." The consecutio temporum of the sentence does not convince me. First it is in the past tense, and then it switches to the present tense.
  • Reworded
• "The artists added ... melody." Can you explain further? In what sense is the melody repeated? The refrain?
  • Added extra detail. The song sure feels quite mechaholic when compared with the speed of Ichizu as well as length too.

@Tintor2:--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 13:38, 14 December 2022 (UTC)

@TeenAngels1234: Revised. Excuse my mistakes. This is my first time editing a music article.Tintor2 (talk) 18:57, 14 December 2022 (UTC)

@Tintor2: Don't worry, dude. I'm particularly precise and rigorous because I obviously want it to be perfect. I'll do one last reading.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 19:19, 14 December 2022 (UTC)

Perfect. I see no other reservations to raise. Good article. Short, but I think sufficiently thorough in its sections to aspire to GA status. Well written; the writer's appropriate and quick edits greatly improved clarity and fluency. Problems about the formatting of the notes have also been resolved. Passing.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 19:28, 14 December 2022 (UTC)