Talk:BMX XXX/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Lee Vilenski (talk · contribs) 21:24, 16 October 2022 (UTC)

Hello, I am planning on reviewing this article for GA Status, over the next couple of days. Thank you for nominating the article for GA status. I hope I will learn some new information, and that my feedback is helpful.

If nominators or editors could refrain from updating the particular section that I am updating until it is complete, I would appreciate it to remove a edit conflict. Please address concerns in the section that has been completed above (If I've raised concerns up to references, feel free to comment on things like the lede.)

I generally provide an overview of things I read through the article on a first glance. Then do a thorough sweep of the article after the feedback is addressed. After this, I will present the pass/failure. I may use strikethrough tags when concerns are met. Even if something is obvious why my concern is met, please leave a message as courtesy.

Best of luck! you can also use the {{done}} tag to state when something is addressed. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)}

Please let me know after the review is done, if you were happy with the review! Obviously this is regarding the article's quality, however, I want to be happy and civil to all, so let me know if I have done a good job, regardless of the article's outcome.

Links

Prose

Lede

• based in the stripclub Scores. - what? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 07:58, 20 October 2022 (UTC)
• expanded technology and features, - this is almost always true (non-defining), so sounds a bit puffy. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 07:58, 20 October 2022 (UTC)
• Despite an aggressive marketing campaign, the game's distribution was impeded by the refusal of major retailers to stock the title, Sony Computer Entertainment's refusal to publish the PlayStation 2 version unless the topless female nudity was censored, and an initial ban in Australia - this could probably be better as two sentences. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 07:58, 20 October 2022 (UTC)

General

• name, sex - I'd use "gender" rather than sex as we are talking about a game using sex to sell. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:13, 20 October 2022 (UTC)
• Any ideas if we have a glossary for something like "D-pad"? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:13, 20 October 2022 (UTC)
• from the stripclub Scores - im assuming "Scores" is the name of the stripclub? I don't think that comes across in prose. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:13, 20 October 2022 (UTC)
• unenthused if not angered - "dismayed" might be better. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:13, 20 October 2022 (UTC)
• In September 2002, a rumor circulated that Sony Computer Entertainment would not approve the PlayStation 2 version of the game unless certain sexual content was removed. - I'm not sure this sentence is development, maybe in the release section. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:13, 20 October 2022 (UTC)
• At some point we need to define that "PS2" is the PlayStation 2. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:13, 20 October 2022 (UTC)
• of features.[33][42][45][49] - WP:OVERCITE, Could we bundle or remove a cite? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:13, 20 October 2022 (UTC)

Five cites is usually my threshold for bundling, but sure, I'm willing to move that down a notch. Cat's Tuxedo (talk) 18:08, 20 October 2022 (UTC)

• The above happens in a few places in the reception. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 08:13, 20 October 2022 (UTC)

All above points have been addressed. Cat's Tuxedo (talk) 18:08, 20 October 2022 (UTC)

Review meta comments

• I'll begin the review as soon as I can! If you fancy returning the favour, I have a list of nominations for review at WP:GAN and WP:FAC, respectively. I'd be very grateful if you were to complete one of these if you get time. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:24, 16 October 2022 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.