Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Jastrebarsko children's camp

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted by Zawed (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 08:06, 1 January 2017 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list[reply]

Jastrebarsko concentration camp edit

Nominator(s): Peacemaker67 (talk)

Featured article candidates/Jastrebarsko concentration camp/archive1

The Jastrebarsko concentration camp was one of several children's concentration camps established by the Croatian fascist Ustase regime for Serb children in the Axis puppet Independent State of Croatia during World War II. At least 450 children died at the camp in its short history. It was partially liberated by the Yugoslav Partisans, which caused it to be closed down, with the children largely farmed out to sympathetic families. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:23, 26 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: What is the copyright status of the original design in File:Ustaše_symbol.svg? Nikkimaria (talk) 23:51, 26 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Good question, Nikki. The symbol was created by the Ustaše soon after it formed in 1929, and was worn as a badge by members from then on. After WWII the surviving movement was divided and no entity claims to be descended from it or would hold any copyright. The symbol is a bit like Nazi symbols in that respect. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:11, 27 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Nikkimaria do you think this is ok, or does it need to be removed? Cheers, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:06, 31 December 2016 (UTC)[reply]

That should be fine, but suggest adding that explanation to the image description page. Nikkimaria (talk) 04:10, 31 December 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Done. Thanks, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:49, 31 December 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Support: what a hideous aspect of the war. Just a few nitpicks: AustralianRupert (talk) 06:50, 27 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

in the lead, "Jastrebarsko concentration camp was a concentration camp for Serb children..." I wonder if the redundancy could be reduced... "Jastrebarsko concentration camp housed Serb children..." (or something similar?)
"Preparations for the reception of the children was done in haste..." --> "Preparations for the reception of the children were completed hastily..."?
"...garrisoned by Italian troops..." (suggest moving the link for "Italian" from here to the earlier mention)
" July - 153; August - 216; September - 67; and October - 8" --> the hyphens should probably be dashes here
"Lukić states that this figure, and the figure of 468 victims which is engraved on the monument to the victims of the camp in Jastrebarsko, are unreliable" --> "Lukić states that this figure, and the figure of 468 victims which is engraved on the monument to the victims of the camp in Jastrebarsko, is unreliable"?
"believed that the figure on the monument is too low..." --> "believed that the figure on the monument was too low"? (tense: believed and was / believes and is)?

Thanks for the review, Rupert. These are my edits. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:01, 27 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from The Bounder

A rather tough subject to read through, but done very well. A few minor comments on the text:

The double "with" in "with a total of 3,336 children passing through the camp, with between..." trips up slightly. Perhaps "with a total of 3,336 children passing through the camp; between..." may work.
I was slightly confused by how many buildings were involved in the description "The buildings earmarked to accommodate the children were Dvorac Erdödy, a former castle that had been a children's home before the war, the nearby Franciscan monastery, and the former Italian barracks and stables". Does Dvorac Erdödy refer to the castle? If so, dashes or brackets could separate that out of the remainder of the list.
"and the manager of the camp estate was a Sister Gaudencija" might read better as "and Sister Gaudencija, the manager of the camp estate".

That's it from me - very minor points which I hope are of help. All the best, The Bounder (talk) 11:30, 19 December 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking a look, The Bounder. All addressed. These are my edits. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 23:26, 19 December 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Support on prose. A fine piece of work on a subject I knew nothing about previously. All the best, The Bounder (talk) 08:47, 20 December 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Support:
- Tool checks all ok - i.e. no dabs, no duplicate links, external links seem ok, citation error tool reports no issues, Earwig tool reports no issues with close paraphrase or copyright violation [1] (no action req'd)
- "probably by Dr Branko Davila, a doctor..." this seems a little redundant, essentially saying "doctor" twice - potentially reword? (minor nitpick - suggestion only)
- "The inhumane actions of Pulherija..." - this looks a little close to opinion and might need in text attribution (although I agree of course that the whole episode was inhumane at best) (suggestion only)
- Otherwise I couldn't see any major issues. Anotherclown (talk) 22:22, 30 December 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - Thanks Ac! Both addressed. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:08, 31 December 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.