Talk:Anole (character)/GA1

GA Review

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I do not have much experience with many comic book pages, so please bear with me if I get anything wrong. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

I feel comfortable passing this now. There may be some little things here or there, but it qualifies as a "good article". Ottava Rima (talk) 14:04, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

1.1 Criterion 1: well-written

Lead

1. Minor problem - "one of the only openly". It sounds a little off. Try not to put too many "ly" modifiers before a term. How about "one of the few openly gay"? Only would also imply a unique number (i.e. 1), where "few" would imply a limited amount, which seems more exact according to later plot discussions. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 DoneLuminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

2 Minor problem - "members of the student body in the Xavier Institute". This is fine, but it sounds like a wordier way of saying "student at the Xavier Institute". Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 Done I've changed it to "members of the Xavier Institute," with a link to the X-Men, as that's the larger relevance (which would include not only students, but faculty and X-Men members).Luminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

3 Minor problem - "Initially a [...] had originally intended" - Remove the "had". It would read in a more direct and clean manner. Also, you can drop the modifier "writer" from before the names. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 DoneLuminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

4 Minor problem - "the story was to serve as a message about intolerance." Could this better be put as "a message against intolerance"? Or do you intend to say that they merely want to described and not prescribe within the comic? Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 Done As a side note, I would say that it's implied that the story is about the negative consequences of intolerance, but the story also involved the various other effects it had on characters, such as ultimately "redeeming" another character from his bigoted past.Luminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Publication History

1 See 3 and 4 above about dropping "writer" and on the use of the word "about". Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 DoneLuminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

2 Use of the name "Victor" is confusing when it is alternated with Anole. Please standardize throughout (or after mention of the "code name"). Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 Done I standardized his name to "Anole" througout the rest of the article, though characters are typically referred to by both their code names and civilian names rather interchangeably in comics.Luminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Fictional character biography

1. Grammar issue - "The school is later be attacked by Reverend William Stryker and his army of mutant-exterminating Purifiers resulting in a bus full of Victor's classmates killed and his various other friends at the school murdered." Change "is later be" to "was". Put a period after "Purifiers" and start the next sentence with "This resulted in a...". Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 DoneLuminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

2. Grammar issue - "Initially confused as to why he has not bled to death from his serious injury, Anole finds he has generated" Change "confused as to why he has not" to "confused as to why he did not". Also, change "finds" to "found" to match the tense of the sentence. Make sure to keep to the past tense throughout and keep the paragraph uniform (there is some tense mixing later in the paragraph). Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Fictional events should be written in present tense. However, I altered the sentence to make it clearer.Luminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

3. You switch Northstar's name with his other names quite a bit. Try to uniform them. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 DoneLuminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

4. Dash error - "face - similar" You use a hyphen ( - ) instead of a dash ( — ). Hyphens for two words that go together. The long dash for a break in a sentence. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 DoneLuminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

5. Grammar issue - "However, upon Dust's revival by teammate In". The word "However" and "Upon" serve the same function and should not be doubled up. Chose one or the other. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 Done The sentence does not seem to convey the same idea, so I altered it.Luminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Sexuality

1. You put an external link in the text "writer Dustin Christian of For the Love of Comics Reviews " in that phrase. Please remove. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 Done Luminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Alternate storyline

1. "The original storyline involved" You use a similar phrasing in the prior paragraph, so use here feels awkward. Rewrite to "In the original storyline, ..." Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 DoneLuminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

2. "due to its controversy" I believe you mean "controversial nature". Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 DoneLuminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

3. "Pink Kryptonite staff writer" has another external link in the phrase that should be dropped. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 DoneLuminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

1.2 Criterion 2: factually accurate and verifiable

Publication history

1. Source - I could not find in the source information to verify this statement: "Victor first appeared in New Mutants (Vol. 2) #2 in August 2003." You might want to use another source for this sentence. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:30, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Isn't the stated title, issue, and date of publication sufficient?Luminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

2. Source - I could not find a statement specifying this in the source: "serving as a message about intolerance". The most I could see was "I get that they were intending it to be kind of a "look what doing this can do"". It would be a squeeze from that. I would not hold this interpretation against you, so don't worry too much about it. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:30, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 Done Fixed reference to another source.Luminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

3. Source - I could not find a statement specifying this in the source: "was understandable as a message about intolerance, but cliché." See above at 2. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:30, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

 Done This is a paraphrase of the final line of the attached source. "Cliché" was selected to paraphrase "just a bit overused."Luminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Alternate storyline

1. "would be a key character in pointing out Karma's difficulties". I do not think you mean Karma here. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Yes, the character would be used to point out Karma lacking acceptance from the parents due to her being a lesbian.Luminum (talk) 05:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Everything else appears to check out. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:30, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

1.3 Criterion 3: broad in its coverage

To the best of my knowledge, this is broad in coverage. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

1.4 Criterion 4: neutral

To the best of my knowledge, this is neutral. Ottava Rima (talk)

1.5 Criterion 5: stable

This appears to check out with no reverting or major disputes that I can see. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

1.6 Criterion 6: illustrated, if possible, by images

This appears to check out. I feel that the fair use rationale is appropriate. Ottava Rima (talk) 02:16, 14 August 2009 (UTC)