Wikipedia

Limerence

Not to be confused with Liminality.

Limerence is a state of mind which results from romantic feelings for another person, and typically includes intrusive, melancholic thoughts, or tragic concerns for the object of one's affection as well as a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and to have one's feelings reciprocated.

Psyche Revived by Cupid's Kiss, by Antonio Canova, first version 1787–1793

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the term "limerence" as an alteration of the word "amorance" with no other etymology[1] to describe a concept that had grown out of her work in the mid-1960s, when she interviewed over 500 people on the topic of love.[2] In her book Love and Limerence, she writes that "to be in a state of limerence is to feel what is usually termed 'being in love.'"[3] She coined the term to distinguish between this and other less-overwhelming emotions[4] and to avoid implying that people who do not experience it cannot experience love.[5]

According to Tennov and others, limerence can be considered a synonym for romantic love,[1][6][7][8][9][10][11][12] passionate love[13][9][11] or a form of romantic love.[14]

Anthropologist and author Helen Fisher writes that data collection on romantic attraction began with Love and Limerence, with Tennov collecting survey results, diaries, and other personal accounts.[15] Fisher describes Tennov's limerence as "a suite of psychological traits associated with 'being in love'", part of a biological "attraction system" involved with mate choice in humans.[16][9]

Limerence is associated with dopamine reward circuits in the brain.[9][17][18][8][19]

Characteristics edit

The concept of limerence "provides a particular carving up of the semantic domain of love",[20] and represents an attempt at a scientific study of the nature of love.[21] Limerence is considered to be an emotional and motivational state,[9] attachment process[22][10] or even obsession.[14][23] Limerence is sometimes also interpreted as infatuation,[24][8] or contrasted with a crush.[19] The experience is characterized as happening involuntarily,[25] and involves preoccupation[26][27] and a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings.[28][29]

A central feature of limerence for Tennov was the fact that her participants really saw the object of their affection's personal flaws, but simply overlooked them or found them attractive.[30][27] Tennov calls this "crystallization", after a description by Stendhal in his 1821 treatise On Love. This "crystallized" version of a love object, with accentuated features, is what Tennov calls a "limerent object", or "LO".[31]

For Tennov, sexual desire is an essential aspect of limerence[32] but the desire for emotional commitment is greater.[33] The sexual desires of Tennov's interviewees were overshadowed by their desire for their beloved to contact them, invite them out and reciprocate their passion.[29]

Nicky Hayes describes limerence as "a kind of infatuated, all-absorbing passion". Tennov equated it to the type of love Dante felt towards Beatrice—an individual he met twice in his life and who served as inspiration for La Vita Nuova and the Divine Comedy. It is this unfulfilled, intense longing for the other person which defines limerence, where the individual becomes "more or less obsessed by that person and spends much of their time fantasising about them". Limerence may only last if conditions for the attraction leave it unfulfilled; therefore, occasional, intermittent reinforcement is required to support the underlying feelings. Hayes notes that "it is the unobtainable nature of the goal which makes the feeling so powerful", and that it is not uncommon for those to remain in a state of limerence over someone unreachable for months and even years.[34] A famous literary example of limerence is provided by the unrequited love of Werther for Charlotte in the novel The Sorrows of Young Werther by Goethe.

Limerence can be difficult to understand for those who have never experienced it, and it is thus often derided and dismissed as undesirable, some kind of pathology, ridiculous fantasy or a construct of romantic fiction.[35]

Evolutionary theory edit

In a 1998 essay[36] (as well as in Love and Limerence),[37] Dorothy Tennov has speculated that limerence has an evolutionary purpose.[38]

For what ultimate cause might the state of limerence be a proximate cause? In other words, why were people who became limerent successful, maybe more successful than others, in passing their genes on to succeeding generations back a few hundred thousand or million years ago when heads grew larger and fathers who left mother and child to fend for themselves were less "reproductively successful"—in the long run, that is (Morgan 1993). Did limerence evolve to cement a relationship long enough to get the offspring up and running? [...] The most consistent result of limerence is mating, not merely sexual interaction but also commitment, the establishment of a shared domicile in the form of a cozy nest built for the enjoyment of ecstasy, for reproduction, and for the rearing of children.[39]

Helen Fisher's components of romantic attraction are largely derived from Tennov's components of limerence,[16] and in a similar vein as Tennov, Fisher has theorized that this 'attraction' system evolved to facilitate mammalian mate choice.[16][9]

A 1998 paper by authors Leckman & Mayes presented a comparison between Tennov's limerence, early-stage parental love and obsessive-compulsive disorder.[12] A 2023 paper by Adam Bode has incorporated this analysis by Leckman & Mayes in to a theory that romantic love evolved by co-opting the brain systems for mother-infant bonding.[40]

Components edit

Dorothy Tennov's original components from Love and Limerence were:[41]

  • intrusive thinking about the object of your passionate desire (the limerent object or "LO"), who is a possible sexual partner
  • acute longing for reciprocation
  • dependency of mood on LO's actions or, more accurately, your interpretation of LO's actions with respect to the probability of reciprocation
  • inability to react limerently to more than one person at a time (exceptions occur only when limerence is at low ebb—early on or in the last fading)
  • some fleeting and transient relief from unrequited limerent passion through vivid imagination of action by LO that means reciprocation
  • fear of rejection and sometimes incapacitating but always unsettling shyness in LO's presence, especially in the beginning and whenever uncertainty strikes
  • intensification through adversity (at least, up to a point)
  • acute sensitivity to any act or thought or condition that can be interpreted favorably, and an extraordinary ability to devise or invent "reasonable" explanations for why the neutrality that the disinterested observer might see is in fact a sign of hidden passion in the LO
  • an aching of the "heart" (a region in the center front of the chest) when uncertainty is strong
  • buoyancy (a feeling of walking on air) when reciprocation seems evident
  • a general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background
  • a remarkable ability to emphasize what is truly admirable in LO and to avoid dwelling on the negative, even to respond with a compassion for the negative and render it, emotionally if not perceptually, into another positive attribute.

Intrusive thinking and fantasy edit

Dorothy Tennov wrote that "Limerence is first and foremost a condition of cognitive obsession."[42]

At the height of obsessive fantasy, people experiencing limerence may spend 85 to nearly 100% of their days and nights doting on the object of their love, lose ability to focus on other tasks and become easily distracted.[27]

Such "intrusive thinking about the LO ... appear[s] to be genetically driven".[43] It has been speculated that being in love may lower serotonin levels in the brain, which could cause the intrusive thinking,[16][44] although this connection has not been directly confirmed.[11]

According to Tennov, limerent fantasy is unsatisfactory unless rooted in reality, because the fantasizer may want the fantasy to seem realistic and somewhat possible.[45]

Fear of rejection edit

Tennov's conception of fear of rejection was characterized by nervous feelings and shyness around LO, "worried that your own actions may bring about disaster."[46] Awkwardness, stammering, confusion and shyness predominate at the behavioral level.[47] She quotes the poet Sappho who writes "Sweat runs down in rivers, a tremor seizes [...] Lost in the love-trance."[48] One of Tennov's interviewees, 28-year-old truck driver, says "It was like what you might call stage fright, like going up in front of an audience. [...] I was awkward as hell."[49]

Many of the people Tennov interviewed described being normally confident, but suddenly shy when LO is around, or being only in this state of fear with certain LOs but not others.[50]

Tennov wonders if fear of rejection even serves an evolutionary purpose, by drawing out the courtship process to ensure a greater chance of finding a compatible partner.[51]

Uncertainty and hope edit

Dorothy Tennov suggested that limerence appears to develop and be sustained by a balance of uncertainty and hope.[52] She writes:

The recognition that some uncertainty must exist has been commented on and complained about by virtually everyone who has undertaken a serious study of the phenomenon of romantic love. Psychologists Ellen Bersheid and Elaine Walster discussed this common observation made, they note, by Socrates, Ovid, the Kama Sutra, and "Dear Abby," that the presentation of a hard-to-get as opposed to an immediately yielding exterior is a help in eliciting passion.[53]

The presence of barriers, what Tennov called intensification through adversity,[54] were crucial to the mutual limerence of Romeo and Juliet.[55] Helen Fisher calls this intensification effect "frustration attraction,"[56][57] and suggests that attraction increases because dopamine levels increase in the brain when an expected reward is delayed.[58][9] Judson Brewer characterizes the intermittent reinforcement of receiving an occasional message from an LO as "gasoline poured on the fire."[19]

However, in some situations, the uncertainty and dependency of mood on the situation may only be a matter of perceived reciprocation, rather than there being actual obstacles.[59]

Loneliness edit

Shaver and Hazan observed that those suffering from loneliness are significantly more susceptible to limerence,[60] arguing that "if people have a large number of unmet social needs, and are not aware of this, then a sign that someone else might be interested is easily built up in that person's imagination into far more than the friendly social contact that it might have been. By dwelling on the memory of that social contact, the lonely person comes to magnify it into a deep emotional experience, which may be quite different from the reality of the event."[61]

Physiology edit

The physiological effects of limerence can include trembling, pallor, flushing, a general weakness, sweating, butterflies in the stomach and a pounding heart.[62][25]

Tennov wrote that the sensation of limerence is associated primarily with the heart, even speculating that intrusive thinking results in mutual feedback where thinking of LO causes an increase in heart rate, which in turn changes thought patterns.[63]

When I asked interviewees in the throes of the limerent condition to tell where they felt the sensation of limerence, they pointed unerringly to the midpoint in their chest. So consistently did this occur that it would seem to be another indication that the state described is indeed limerence, not affection (described by some as located "all over," or even in "the arms" when held out in a gesture of embrace) or in sexual feelings (located, appropriately enough, in the genitals).[64]

Limerence results in sustained alertness and excess energy, with the limerent person ever ready to perceive LO's subtleties and analyze their importance.[65]

Sexuality edit

In Dorothy Tennov's conception, sexual attraction was an essential component of limerence, although she noted that occasionally people described attractions to her which fit the overall pattern of limerence but did not involve sexual attraction.[66] However, limerence is not the same as sexual attraction,[67] and sex is not the central focus of limerence.[68] When in limerence, "emotional union trumps sexual desire."[69] Tennov stresses that "the most consistent result of limerence is mating, not merely sexual interaction but also commitment, the establishment of a shared domicile [...] for the enjoyment of ecstacy, for reproduction, and for the rearing of children."[70][71]

Tennov drew distinctions between limerent fantasies and sexual fantasies.[72] Limerent fantasies, she says, are grounded in a possible reality, however unlikely, and actually desired to come true. However, sexual fantasies may involve entirely imaginative situations, and may not actually be desired in reality.[73] People also have more voluntary control over their sexual fantasies than their limerent ones, which are more intrusive.[74]

Duration edit

Tennov estimates, based on both questionnaire and interview data, that limerence most commonly lasts between 18 months and three years with an average of two years,[75] but may be as short as mere days[76] or as long as a lifetime.[75] Duration may be related to the perception of reciprocity[76] and shorter limerence may be less intense.[75]

According to a HuffPost opinion blog by David Sack, an addiction psychiatrist, limerence lasts longer than romantic love, but is shorter than a committed partnership.[77] However, Tennov and others considered limerence as a synonym with romantic love[6][7][8][9][11] and others in peer-reviewed material suggest that Tennov's estimate is a normal duration of romantic love.[11] Still others suggest that "the biogenetic sourcing of limerence determines its limitation, ordinarily, to a two-year span".[78]

Tennov notes that feelings may evolve over the duration of a relationship: "Those whose limerence was replaced by affectional bonding with the same partner might say, 'We were very much in love when we married; today we love each other very much'".[79] The distinction is comparable to that drawn by ethologists "between the pair-forming and pair-maintaining functions of sexual activity",[80] just as "the attachment of the attachment theorists is very similar to the emotional reciprocation longed for in Tennov's limerence".[81]

Controversy edit

In the 1999 preface to her revised edition of Love and Limerence, Dorothy Tennov describes limerence as an aspect of basic human nature and remarks "Reaction to limerence theory depends partly on acquaintance with the evidence for it and partly on personal experience. People who have not experienced limerence are baffled by descriptions of it and are often resistant to the evidence that it exists. To such outside observers, limerence seems pathological."[33]

In 2008, Albert Wakin, a professor who knew Tennov at the University of Bridgeport but did not assist in her research, and Duyen Vo, a graduate student, suggested that limerence is similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder and substance use disorder. They presented work on this to the American Association of Behavioral and Social Sciences, but suggested that much more research is needed before it could be suggested to the APA that limerence be included in the DSM. They began conducting a study in 2008 but have not published results.[7]

However, Tennov states that limerence is normal[82] and reports that even those of her interviewees who experienced obsessive, distressing, unrequited limerence were "fully functioning, rational, emotionally stable, normal, nonneurotic, nonpathological members of society" and "could be characterized as responsible and quite sane". She suggests that limerence is too often interpreted as "mental illness" in psychiatry. Tragedies such as violence, she says, involve limerence when it's "augmented and distorted" by other conditions, which she contrasts with "pure limerence".[83]

Critics argue that Tennov's account "is based on interviews rather than on direct observation", but conclude that "despite its shortcomings, Tennov's work may constitute a basis for informed hypothesis formulation".[84]

Authors in peer-reviewed material have written that limerence is a romantic attraction system in the brain and serves a biological function.[9] A study using fMRI has shown this to be related to dopamine and reward circuits in the brain.[9][18]

See also edit

References edit

  1. ^ a b "Will limerence take the place of love?". The Observer. 11 September 1977. One of the most illuminating sessions was when Dorothy Tennov [...] described her attempts to find a suitable term for 'romantic love.' [...] 'I first used the term "amorance" then changed it back to "limerence,"' she told her audience. 'It has no roots whatsoever. It looks nice. It works well in French. Take it from me it has no etymology whatsoever.'
  2. ^ Tennov, Dorothy (1999). Love and Limerence: the Experience of Being in Love. Scarborough House. ISBN 978-0-8128-6286-7. Retrieved 12 March 2011.
  3. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 16
  4. ^ "That crazy little thing called love". The Guardian. 14 December 2003. Retrieved 15 April 2009.
  5. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 15
  6. ^ a b Tennov 1999, p. 172
  7. ^ a b c Jayson, Sharon (6 February 2008). "'Limerence' makes the heart grow far too fonder". USA Today. Gannett Co. Inc. Archived from the original (web) on 10 February 2008. Retrieved 16 October 2008.
  8. ^ a b c d Frankel, Valerie (2002). "The Love Drug" (web). Oprah. Retrieved 19 March 2024.
  9. ^ a b c d e f g h i j Fisher, Helen (October 2002). "Defining the Brain Systems of Lust, Romantic Attraction, and Attachment". Archives of Sexual Behavior. 31 (5): 413–419. doi:10.1023/A:1019888024255. PMID 12238608. Retrieved 18 February 2024.
  10. ^ a b Feeney, Judith; Noller, Patricia (1990). "Attachment style as a predictor of adult romantic relationships". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 58 (2): 281–291. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.58.2.281. Retrieved 23 March 2024.
  11. ^ a b c d e Bode, Adam; Kushnick, Geoff (11 April 2021). "Proximate and Ultimate Perspectives on Romantic Love". Frontiers in Psychology. 12. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.573123. PMC 8074860.
  12. ^ a b Leckman, James; Mayes, Linda (July 1999). "Preoccupations and Behaviors Associated with Romantic and Parental Love: Perspectives on the Origin of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder". Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of North America. 8 (3): 635–665. doi:10.1016/S1056-4993(18)30172-X. Retrieved 7 April 2024.
  13. ^ Hatfield, Elaine (1988). The Psychology of Love. Yale University Press. pp. 191–217. ISBN 9780300045895.
  14. ^ a b (unknown), Wanda (21 January 1980). "Let's Fall in Limerence". Time. Time Inc. Archived from the original on 27 March 2008. Retrieved 16 October 2008.
  15. ^ Fisher, Helen (2016). Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray (Completely Revised and Updated). W. W. Norton & Company. ISBN 978-0-393-34974-0. Retrieved 18 February 2024.
  16. ^ a b c d Fisher, Helen (March 1998). "Lust, attraction, and attachment in mammalian reproduction". Human Nature. 9 (1): 23–52. doi:10.1007/s12110-998-1010-5. PMID 26197356. Retrieved 18 February 2024.
  17. ^ Aron, Arthur; Fisher, Helen; Mashek, Debra; Strong, Greg (1 July 2005). "Reward, motivation, and emotion systems associated with early-stage intense romantic love". Journal of Neurophysiology. 94 (1): 327–337. doi:10.1152/jn.00838.2004. Retrieved 4 May 2024.
  18. ^ a b Fisher, Helen; Xu, Xiaomeng; Aron, Arthur; Brown, Lucy (9 May 2016). "Intense, Passionate, Romantic Love: A Natural Addiction? How the Fields That Investigate Romance and Substance Abuse Can Inform Each Other". Frontiers in Psychology. 7. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00687. PMC 4861725.
  19. ^ a b c McCracken, Amanda (27 January 2024). "Is It a Crush or Have You Fallen Into Limerence?" (web). The New York Times. Retrieved 30 January 2024.
  20. ^ De Munck, V. C., ed. (1998). Romantic Love and Sexual Behavior. p. 5.
  21. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. x–xi
  22. ^ Hazan, Cindy; Shaver, Phillip (April 1987). "Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 52 (3): 511–524. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511. PMID 3572722. Retrieved 23 March 2024.
  23. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 33
  24. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 85
  25. ^ a b Fisher 2016, p. 22
  26. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 23, 38, 42
  27. ^ a b c Fisher 2016, p. 21
  28. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 23–24
  29. ^ a b Fisher 2016, p. 23
  30. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 24, 29–33
  31. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 29–33
  32. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 24–25
  33. ^ a b Tennov 1999, p. x
  34. ^ Hayes, Nicky (2000), Foundations of Psychology (3rd ed.), London: Thomson Learning, p. 457, ISBN 1861525893
  35. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. x, 14, 110–118, 166–185
  36. ^ Tennov 1998, pp. 81–82
  37. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 242–249
  38. ^ Tennov 1998, pp. 81–82
  39. ^ Tennov 1998, pp. 81–82
  40. ^ Bode, Adam (16 October 2023). "Romantic love evolved by co-opting mother-infant bonding". Frontiers in Psychology. 14. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1176067. PMC 10616966.
  41. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 23–24
  42. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 33
  43. ^ Moore 1998, p. 268
  44. ^ Marazziti, D.; Akiskal, H. S.; Rossi, A.; Cassano, G. B. (1999). "Alteration of the platelet serotonin transporter in romantic love". Psychol. Med. 29 (3): 741–745. doi:10.1017/S0033291798007946. PMID 10405096. S2CID 12630172.
  45. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 85, 86
  46. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 49
  47. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 49
  48. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 48–49
  49. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 49–50
  50. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 51–54
  51. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 247
  52. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 54
  53. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 56
  54. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 24
  55. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 57
  56. ^ Fisher, 2016 & 21
  57. ^ Fisher, Helen (2004). Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Henry Holt and Company. ISBN 978-0-8050-7796-4. Retrieved 5 May 2024.
  58. ^ Fisher 2004, pp. 161–162
  59. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 24, 56
  60. ^ Shaver, Phillip; Hazan, Cindy (1985), "Incompatibility, Loneliness, and "Limerence"", in Ickes, W. (ed.), Compatible and Incompatible Relationships, Springer, New York, NY, pp. 163–184, doi:10.1007/978-1-4612-5044-9_8, ISBN 978-1-4612-9538-9
  61. ^ Hayes 2000, p. 460
  62. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 49
  63. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 64
  64. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 64
  65. ^ 1999 & Tennov, p. 62
  66. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 24
  67. ^ Tennov 1998, p. 96
  68. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 25
  69. ^ Fisher 2016, p. 23
  70. ^ Tennov 1998, p. 82
  71. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 247
  72. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 74
  73. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 74–76
  74. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 75
  75. ^ a b c Tennov 1999, p. 142
  76. ^ a b Tennov 1999, p. 141
  77. ^ Sack, David (28 June 2012). "Limerence and the Biochemical Roots of Love Addiction" (web). Huffington Post. Retrieved 25 December 2016.
  78. ^ Leggett & Malm 1995, p. 139
  79. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 243
  80. ^ Morris 1994, p. 223
  81. ^ Moore 1998, p. 260
  82. ^ Tennov 1999, p. 180
  83. ^ Tennov 1999, pp. 89–90
  84. ^ Ågmo 2007, p. 172

Bibliography edit

 
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