Bonn–Oberkassel dog edit
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Howdy, y'all. I am usually a history and archaeology editor, but this puppy goes a fair bit more into biology territory than I am normally used to, so I thought I would it open it up for folks to look at; I want to bring this to FAC eventually. :)
Thank you all so much for your time, Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 17:10, 17 May 2024 (UTC)
Cool article :). Thanks for your work so far. My first impression is that it's too difficult to read in places.
- The first sentence equates the dog to its remains. Would the following not make more sense: "The Bonn–Oberkassel dog (German: Hund von Bonn–Oberkassel) is a Late Paleolithic dog whose skeletal remains were found buried alongside two humans."
- I would generally avoid paragraphs above 125/150 words for readability
- mandible --> lower jaw
- A canine mandible (...) Geological Collections. --> very long sentence. Maybe better: "The dog's lower jaw was first thought to be from a wolf and placed into museum storage with the human remains, while the other bones from the dog were placed into the university's Geological Collections." Or something like that?
- Osteoarthritis (...). Again a difficult sentence. Could it be simplified as ""Osteoarthritis, along with signs of enamel defects, missing teeth, and gum disease, show that the dog had a distemper infection as a puppy but survived despite low chances without help."?
If you read over the article to make it come closer to WP:MTAU, I'm happy to give a deeper read at a later time. Feel free to ping. —Femke 🐦 (talk) 19:37, 23 May 2024 (UTC)
- Thirty-two identifiable bone fragments have been identified as portions of the Bonn–Oberkassel dog --> I think identifiable can be removed here, as it's repeating identified.
- Second individual --> individual sounds like a human. Would second dog be a better heading?
- mesiodistal --> wiktionary link? wiktionary also has jargon, but may be bit clearer. —Femke 🐦 (talk) 19:28, 24 May 2024 (UTC)