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Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Walter Oesau

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Walter Oesau edit

I have made some new additions as well as cleaned up the article as best as I can. Also covered the gaps in the Succession Box. I know I am missing material on Personal life. But for now I want to where the article stands. I'd appreciate any feedback regarding material and Compliance issues. If you could provide some resources to point to his personal life then that would be really appreciated. Thanks for your time. Perseus71 (talk) 20:58, 19 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

MisterBee1966 edit

A few first comments (more to follow)

  1. "He joined JG 2 as a Second Lieutenant upon completion of his training." -> JG 2 was formed in 1939, how could he have joined JG 2 before the Spanish Civil war?
  2. German words like Staffel, Geschwaderstab, etc. must be capitalized
  3. I think it is standard to put German words in italics. In some cases this is missing.
  4. There is no plural s on German words like Geschwaderkommodore, it is one Geschwaderkommodore and many Geschwaderkommodore
  5. The intro of the article states that he died after combat with P-47s, while in the main body it reads that he was fighting P-38s and possibly P-51s. This should be clarified
  6. I think it would be good to spell out Jagdgeschwader xx for evry first appearance in the article. An example would be to Jagdgeschwader 1 (JG 1), especially useful since JG 88 is actually J/88 which denotes Jagdgruppe 88 and not Jagdgeschwader 88.
  7. "This earned him the mit Eichenlaub und Schwertern swords for his Knight's cross with oak leaves." -> This earned him the Swords to his Knight's Cross with Oak Leaves (Ritterkreuz mit Eichenlaub und Schwertern).
  8. Wiki-link battle cruisers Scharnhorst and Gneisenau

MisterBee1966 (talk) 12:08, 20 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

2nd round
  1. I still feel that it should read. He joined Jagdgeschwader 132 (JG 132), which redesignated Jagdgeschwader 2(JG 2) in 1939, as a Second Lieutenant upon completion of his training
  2. "joining an Artillery regiment of Army" -> shouldn't that read joining an Artillery regiment of the Army?
  3. likewise "time of Spanish Civil War" -> time of the Spanish Civil War
  4. squadrion -> squadron
  5. he was mentioned five times in the Wehrmachtbericht, this should be included somewhere
  6. He also received two Spanish awards, the Medalla de la Campana and the Medalla Militar
  7. Oesau received the Iron Cross 1st class for his victory on 13 May 1940, maybe worth mentioning.
  8. He was seriously wounded in Russia, sustaining heavy splinter injuries in face and knee. Also noteworthy
  9. freie jagd -> freie Jagd, I always thought that this denotes an unconstraint combat air patrol (CAP) type mission.
  10. The first occurance of "Royal Air Force (RAF)" should be Wiki linked
  11. United States Army Air Forces (USAAF) likewise
  12. some of the JG 1 Wiki links need disambiguation -> Jagdgeschwader 1 (World War II)

MisterBee1966 (talk) 06:12, 23 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Abraham, B.S. edit

Just a few points that stick out:

  • Linking dates is no longer required and is informally discouraged, so consider delinking them.
  • An endash (–) is required between date ranges used in the article, and page ranges used in citations.
  • In the lead, would it be possible to have his rank in either German or English only, as the introduction is a little cluttered? I think both is okay anywhere else in the article, but in the intoductory paragraph we have two ranks (albeit in different langages) before his name and it just doesn't sit right.
  • Place Oesau's nickname in quotation marks rather than italics in the lead.
  • In the lead Oesau's rank is given as lieutenant colonel, while in the infobox it is colonel. Please clarify this.

Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 06:50, 21 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Patar knight edit

Here's my two cents:

  • In the intro: "He died on 11 May 1944 as a result of combat with P-38 Lightning." Did he die in combat with one P-38 or a group of P-38 Lightnings?
  • Also, maybe wiki-link Ardennes and Spanish Cross in the last sentence of the introduction for casual readers.
  • In the Early life section: "He joined the German Army (Heer) in October 1933 and served in Second artillery regiment as an enlisted soldier." is missing the "the" after "in". Furthermore, Second could be changed to 2nd.
  • If possible, a short description of how he was wounded during the Spanish Civil War would be great.
  • The hatnotes at the top of each sub-section of his combat career could be integrated into the text. Also, for the Battle of Britain sub-section: "On 10 July 1940, the first clashes of what was to be recognized as the Battle of Britain occurred." should be cut down into a prepositional phrase (e.g. During the Battle of Britain, or if the following description of an aerial battle was on that first day, On 10 July, the first day of the Battle of Britain).
  • "This bomber belonged to RAF Squadron No. 44 and was piloted by Warrant Officer G. T. Rhodes." disrupts the flow, and could be integrated into the previous sentence.
  • "He added 4 more to his tally by mid 1943." 4 should be four.

Hope that helped. --Patar knight - chat/contributions 23:07, 10 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

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