Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson/Archive 1

Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson edit

Noises have been made about getting this formerly featured article back up to FA status in time for a mainpage appearance on the 250th anniversary of Nelson's birthday (29 September 2008), and now that I have a bit of time and sources to hand, I'd be willing to have a crack at it. Comments on the existing state and suggestions for improvement welcome. Benea (talk) 18:35, 10 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Jackyd101 edit

Article is not in that bad a shape actually, I think getting it featured again by 29 September is certainly feasible.

The prose is generally pretty good (although it certainly needs polishing in places) but the citation is inadequate is several parts, especially in "rewards".
I suggest breaking off parts of the article and cutting other parts down while expanding those that are deficient. For example, from what I can see, the "Last Words" is too long and almost everything that comes after "Legacy" might be better in a seperate article and summarised here in only one or two paragraphs. On the other hand, his early life warrants much closer attention and may deserve its own article to save space here, while I don't think his relationship with Emma Hamilton is covered in nearly enough depth. Neither is the Battle of Copenhagen, which has one measly paragraph.
The rewards section is misnamed, since it really deals with all aspects of his life between 1798 and 1803.
There are several interesting but relatively minor episodes that have obviously been pared down to save space but which should be given more prominence, especially if the above cuts are carried out. Three of several that spring to mind are the Neapolitan Campaign (which was extremely controversial at the time), the capture of Genereux (around that time Nelson was accused of neglecting his duties in favour of Emma) and the disastrous attack on Boulogne in 1801.

I will no doubt have other comments but these are my initial observations. I have most of the biographies listed in the article on my shelves, as well as William James to back up any purely naval stuff and I'd be happy to help out in any way I can. Unfotunately I also have serious time constraints until September and so my contibutions will be quite limited timewise. Good luck and let me know if there is anything I can do.--Jackyd101 (talk) 23:15, 10 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Borg Sphere edit

I agree that this article is overall good. However, I would suggest a few changes:

You may wish to cite the "Nelson Touch" in the lead.
Also, cite the mention of the affair with Emma.
In the Early Career section, explain something about or link 'Master and Commander' to something. I'm not an expert on the RN in that time and the only other time I've heard that phrase is in the books about Jack Aubrey, so it sounds like jargon.
In "Hunting the French" the date he finally found them could use a citation.
Need a cite for the Napals stuff. Controversial and poorly cited.
The fact that the admiralty sent him to sea to get him away from Emma needs cited.
Thomas Foley should only be linked the first time you mention him in the Battle of the Nile, not again at Copenhagen.
As said above, expand the Battle of Copenhagen, perhaps make it its own section like the Nile.
The reason for the French fleet's departure in the Section on Battle of Trafalger should be cited.
More inlines are needed throughout that section, there are hardly any.
It might just be me, but the "Victory was towed after the battle to Gibraltar" overlaps the picture of the woodcut.
I would recommend making another section for the burial, and renaming the one about Trafalger.
Titles has no inlines.

Overall it looks pretty good. It would probably pass a GAN. However, the main problem is that there are very few inlines in the second half of the article. If you add some more there and make the few other changes I recommended,it should be good. Borg Sphere (talk) 23:32, 30 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]