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Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Yugoslav monitor Sava

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted by MisterBee1966 (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 14:06, 23 April 2015 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list[reply]

Yugoslav monitor Sava edit

Nominator(s): Peacemaker67 (crack... thump)

Yugoslav monitor Sava (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

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Another in my series of Austro-Hungarian/Yugoslav river monitors. As the Austro-Hungarian Temes-class monitor Bodrog, she fired the first shots of World War I. She then went on to serve in three more navies under the name Sava, being scuttled and raised twice. She still exists, although she has been reduced from her former glory and is now an ammunition barge. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 07:31, 11 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. - Dank (push to talk)

  • In general, where you had "subsequently", I took a guess at the chronology; please fix it if I guessed wrong.
  • "8/9 September": The night of? the 8th or the 9th? the 8th and the 9th? See WP:SLASH.
  • Support on prose per standard disclaimer. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 13:19, 11 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • CommentsSupport
    • No dab links (no action req'd).
    • No issues with external links (no action req'd).
    • Images lack alt text so you might consider adding it (suggestion only, not an ACR requirement)
    • No duplicate links (no action req'd).
    • Images are PD and appears to have the req'd info (no action req'd).
    • Captions looks fine (no action req'd).
    • The Citation Check Tool reveals no issues with ref consolidation (no action req'd).
    • "This was followed by forays of the monitors..." perhaps → " This was followed by forays of the Division..." (per Vardar)
    • "... which meant insufficient clearance for the monitors to navigate freely...." perhaps → "... which meant there was insufficient clearance for the monitors to navigate freely." (again per Vardar)
    • Consider splitting this fairly long sentence (like you did at Vardar) "After the scuttling of the monitors, around 450 officers and men from the Sava and various other riverine vessels gathered at Obrenovac, and armed only with personal weapons and some machine guns stripped from the scuttled vessels, started towards the Bay of Kotor in the southern Adriatic in two groups."
    • "...but the larger group only made it as far as Sarajevo on 14 April..." perhaps → "...but the larger group only made it as far as Sarajevo by 14 April..."
    • I made a quick tweak to the article on the basis of the ACR for Vardar - see here [1] - pls revert if I somehow got this wrong. Anotherclown (talk) 08:07, 12 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Support - not much to pick on as usual

  • Are there any maps of the relevant areas? I had a look through Commons in the Danube category but nothing seemed particularly helpful.
  • It would be nice to include a link to the other surviving monitor - I imagine many readers will have the same reaction I had - "what's the other one?" - but probably not the ability to figure it out easily. Parsecboy (talk) 12:20, 17 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    • Added a map, it's not ideal, but does show the locations of several of her actions in WWI. Also linked the museum ship SMS Leitha, now alongside the Parliament in Budapest. Thanks for the review, Parsecboy! Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 02:53, 18 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


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