Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Jack Pelter

I am aiming for this article to be considered as a Good Article?. --Sunderland06 21:14, 11 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

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You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DrKiernan 07:09, 12 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comments: Firstly you need to remove all of this, as it is not written in a NPOV tone: "An athletic, tall centre back, Pelter made the position his own for Canterbury with a string of fantastic displays in the 2005/2006 season, his pace, ariel ability & reading of the game make him a very difficult opponent to come up against". Y done Then you need to move the final one-sentence paragraph saying he played for Canterbury to before the bit that says he won Canterbury's defender of the year, as otherwise it doesn't make coherent sense. However, that'll still only leave you with at most three sentences of text plus an unsourced infobox, so I think the article is still a long long way from GA status..... ChrisTheDude 07:15, 12 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Hello can i just ask what you would rate this as after the changes by user my-dog-is-shep and i, --Sunderland06 17:40, 12 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

- That's immeasurably better, although you still need to remove the description of his footballing abilities, or at least re-write it in a more neutral fashion. Also, can I ask where you found the photograph, as I'd be surprised if it is copyright-free.....? ChrisTheDude 20:09, 12 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

I found it on google but i put it on to see if it would be allowed, thanks. --Sunderland06 19:45, 13 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

The article needs work:

Y done The prose of the lead is problematic. Three choppy phrases?
Y done Date of birth in the lead?
Any free-use photo of him?
"Pelter spent the summer of 2007 on a trial at Sunderland and featured in the 1-0 defeat against Scunthorpe he then played some reserve games for Sunderland featuring against Berwick Rangers and Hebburn town. He then later signed a 12 month deal with Sunderland." Prose issues again in this stubby section.
"His pace, ariel ability, and reading of the game, make him a very difficult opponent to come up against." Verbalist and uncited.
Club and National Carrer have no citations.
Y done Note 4 is inconsistent stylistically compared to the first 3 ones.
Y done Alphabetize categories at the end of the article.
In general, add more cited info about him.--Yannismarou 11:33, 21 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]