Wikipedia:Peer review/Zoot Suit (play)/archive1

Zoot Suit (play)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like feedback on what information would be valuable to add to this article. I plan to cut back on some of the plot summary, as well as add a section on music and significance/ critique. I would love input on how to make this article more useful to readers.

Thanks, Jcbjaw12 (talk) 14:12, 31 March 2015 (UTC)

Comments by Bruce1ee

It looks promising, but, as you've stated, the plot needs to be shortened (perhaps halved, it's much too long), and sections for music, significance and critique/reception need to be added. Here are a few points you may want to also consider:

• The quote "father of Chicano music" in the lead needs a source
• Some of the paragraphs in the Production history section have no citations
• Broadway production: the phrase "as a sort of" seems a little awkward to me – perhaps that should be reworded
• No details of the filmed version are present in the body of the article – I think a section for this should be added with {{Main|Zoot Suit (film)}} and a summary of the film article
• References: these are nicely formatted, but there are couple of citations with "accessdate" but no "url" – "accessdate" is only used when "url" is present
• References: the jstor citations need to have "{{subscription required}}" added – see {{subscription required}}
• External links: the bare urls should to be formatted

—Bruce1ee^talk 13:56, 7 April 2015 (UTC)

Hi There! Lovely short informative intro! I think that you can lose a lot of the details (the back and forth of some of the storytelling, the specifics around Alice and Henry's kiss) from the plot.

Some things I'm interested in about the play that may be helful to expand upon:

• What the final moments of the play reveal about Henry's life after the trial
• What the desired or actual effect of the characters saying what Henry means to them at the end of the play was
• More about the community response to the play was
• More about the critical response on Broadway (5 week run)
• A short version of the real life events and how the play stuck to or deviated from them.

I agree with Andreabee12 that production photos would be really helpful.

Great work! Croussos (talk) 22:15, 15 April 2015 (UTC)

Hey Girlie,

The intro for the article is great btw, it gave me an excellent overview of what the play is about.

Comprehensiveness: You did a superb job with comprehensiveness in the plot section. It doesn't look like it lacks for anything. In terms of the article as a whole, I found myself asking questions like what exactly is a Chicano play? I know you have an internal like here but perhaps a summary section of what that is may help. Same goes for the writer; the internal link is great but readers can be lazy and may not want to re navigate to a separate page. Another section you could add is themes, characters, perhaps this play's spot in history. Perhaps other plays like it. Just food for thought. Neutrality: Super neutral, great job. If there is any scholarship that exists about the play, you could always create a section for that. Readability: ABSOLUTELY READABLE. You're obviously a skilled writer because this article reads like butta.

Sourcing: References look great.

Formatting:Because right now you only have a few sections for the page, the formatting is fine, and because i'm sure you have many more edits up your sleeve you can always reference Class A articles for plays if you need guidance here.

Images: If you can find any more images, I think thy would greatly add to this article. Maybe a picture of the author?

Jessie you're doing an excellent job, can't wait to see the finished product. Andreabee12 (talk) 16:57, 9 April 2015 (UTC)

Comments by MJ94

Lede

• Very well-written! Short, to the point, and an informative summary of what the article is about.

Historical content

• "On August 1, 1942 José Díaz was at a birthday party at the Williams Ranch." You may want to reiterate who he is.
• "Meanwhile, a group of men and women from 38th street drove their cars to the nearby swimming hole and lovers lane, dubbed "Sleepy Lagoon," also on the Williams Ranch." 38th Street should be capitalized.
• "The group arrived at Sleepy Lagoon around 1:00 a.m. on the morning of the 2nd, to find no one, so someone suggested the Downey gang had moved to the party at the bunkhouse nearby at the Williams Ranch." Which group specifically?
• "Yet, somehow a fight broke out between the party goers and the 38th street gang." Remove "yet, somehow".
• "His pockets were turned inside. He was rushed to a hospital where he died and hour and a half after admission, with a concussion and two stab wounds." Diaz?
• "Twenty-two" → "22".

Production history

• This is really well-written and well-sourced. My one suggestion would be to add more sources to 30th anniversary production.

Criticism

• I would name Jules Aaron before talking about his review.
• Very well-done and well-sourced.

I worry that the article is a bit too much like a story or plot and lacks an encyclopedic tone. I recommend that you have a copy editor review it as well. Good luck! MJ94 (talk) 22:19, 28 April 2015 (UTC)