Wikipedia:Peer review/Xanadu House/archive2

Xanadu House edit

I wrote this from scratch a long time ago, it has been copy-edited and worked on a lot since. What do you think? — Wackymacs 17:49, 28 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Good work on the article! Here are my concerns. 1) The introduction could be expanded. For an article of this length it should be about 2 paragraphs. 2) The interior photos have no source. If this goes up for FAC, that will certainly be questioned. 3)The section "Using Computers at Home" should be renamed "Interior" and combine all the subheadings. In addition the bulleted items should be turned into prose. The reason for renaming it is that it sounds more like a promotional brochure than an encyclopedia article. 4) The sections of the book listed in the final section aren't really necessary. 5) There are a number of one sentence paragraphs throughout that should either be expanded or integrated into other paragraphs. 6) I think some of the photos could be bigger in the article. It'll help to create a much nicer looking article. Good job so far, keep up the good work! *Exeunt* Ganymead ^Dialogue? 20:13, 28 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the useful feedback. I have sorted out the sections, according to your suggestions. I have also sorted out all the images, two of the interior photos are scanned from a book (see the image pages for more detail). I have removed the book contents listing from the book section, and improved the book section as well. I have added another (relevant) image to the History section, which makes it look a bit nicer. I have also enlarged the main photo, you were right, it does look better. I've split the lead paragraph into two paragraphs, but they now need extending and I'm not sure what to write. Further suggestions, thoughts? Thanks. — Wackymacs 21:40, 28 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]