Wikipedia:Peer review/Worcester Ruby Legs all-time roster/archive1

Worcester Ruby Legs all-time roster edit

This peer review discussion has been closed.

A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I need the prose of the list reviewed by others, before I move this up to FL review.

Thanks, Neonblak ^talk - 00:44, 17 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from KV5

Who better than an FL reviewer to look it over before it goes to FL, right?

I would use the {{city-state}} template for Worcester, Massachusetts.
"for a period of three seasons" is redundant, from 1880-1882 is sufficient.
"did respectfully well" - what does this mean? Could be POV, but needs clarification otherwise.
"voted in by the NL" - by who? The players? The league? The owners?
"including pitchers Lee Richmond and Tricky Nichols, position players Arthur Irwin, Doc Bushong, Charlie Bennett, and Chub Sullivan." - there's a conjunction missing somewhere here; I think it should be "and position players"
"40 wins, 43 losses, and two ties" - 2 per WP:MOSNUM
"which was good for fifth place" - WP:JARGON, there are better ways of expressing that they finished fifth instead of saying "good for"
"The team had a couple of notable achievements that first season." - this can be trimmed, you go on to explain the achievements in depth
"Team play had declined significantly from the year before, popular player Sullivan was sick with tuberculosis, and shortstop Irwin broke his leg on August 19, which presented a problem due the fact that the team's back-up, Buttercup Dickerson, was also injured at the time.[11]"

Change comma after before to semicolon
"popular player Sullivan" - the popular Sullivan
"due the fact" - "due to the fact"
"back-up" - backup

"Things did not get better, the following month," - remove comma after better, change comma after month to semicolon, and change "get better" to improve
"Chub Sullivan died from his disease" - what disease? I assume you mean TB; also, you can remove his first name
Why spell "crepe" but link to "crape"? Just use the article title.
"32 wins, 50 losses, and one tie" - 1 per MOSNUM
"12–season" - I don't think this is a correct usage of the en-dash, I believe a hyphen suffices here.
"Sliding into last place for the second straight year" - reword to "A second consecutive last-place finish". An early writing guideline on Wikipedia for sports-related articles (one that may be outdated but is still practiced under the auspices of the MOS) is to avoid writing like a sportswriter.
As a Phillies fan, this article has significance for me because the Phillies replaced the Worcesters. I think that a similar statement to the ones made in various Phillies articles and lists clarifying that the Worcesters did not become the Phillies would help to clarify this point. I see that you said they were replaced, but an additional clarification might be nice.

This was a prose-only review. Hope these comments help. Look forward to seeing this at FL. KV5 (Talk • Phils) 16:28, 18 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review, as you can see, writing is not my forte. These corrections seem easy to fix, and will get to them this weekend. A couple things, I used the crape/crepe due to the references always using crepe, but WP uses crape, so I don't actually know who is correct. As far as the definite seperation from the Phillies, I will look for more refences that make it clearer to the reader.Neonblak ^talk - 18:57, 18 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I believe that there is a statement to that effect with a reference in either the Philadelphia Phillies main article or the daughter page History of the Philadelphia Phillies. KV5 (Talk • Phils) 20:49, 18 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I checked dictionary.com, and it gave me the following definitions: crepe, nounm, 1. paper with a crinkled texture; usually colored and used for decorations, 2. small very thin pancake [syn: crape], 3. a soft thin light fabric with a crinkled surface. So it appears that the references are correct, but WP users have it backwards. Crape seems to be a synonym for the small pancakes, while crepe's first definition is for the fabric, second is the pancake.Neonblak ^talk - 20:36, 18 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The food was likely named after the fabric, so that makes sense. KV5 (Talk • Phils) 20:49, 18 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I've added a couple of references for the Worcester/Philadelphia division of ownership, hopefully it is clearer than it was before.Neonblak ^talk - 18:12, 25 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]