Wikipedia:Peer review/Trait du Nord/archive1

Trait du Nord edit

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Back to the horse breed articles :) This is a collaboration that I have been working on with User:Tsaag Valren, who has taken the article to FA on the French WP. The multiple editors working in foreign languages (me with French and Tsaag with English) has resulted in the finding of more prose niggles than usual on subsequent read-throughs. Due to this, I'd (even more than usual) like to get some additional eyes on this before I take it to FAC. As always, a look-through for jargon and readability would also be appreciated. Thanks, Dana boomer (talk) 21:32, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments great read, lovely breed. (did a review, lost all the comments, thanks Internet Explorer)

Link studbook in the lead.
You link mining (reasonably common term) but not the specific varient of driving in the lead, I would link both.
"The breed is considered to be endangered" does it have any official (e.g. IUCN) status?

Comment This is a breed, not a species, so I don't think there is an IUCN status. However, there are breed conservancy groups as well as French govt info. Dana, does the FAO keep a worldwide list of endangered breeds? --MTBW

Not that I know of, Montana, and they're pretty liberal with what they consider a "breed". The French government is the one that has declared it endangered, so I've added in this information. Dana boomer (talk) 14:20, 9 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Surprised there's no article for "French National Stud".

We are missing dozens of European state stud articles. There are a few on German ones. Definitely a need --MTBW

Creating this is on my to-do list, due to the many French breed articles that I'm working on... Dana boomer (talk) 14:20, 9 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"large horse of Hainaut" is this what the source says or is there also a French/Flemish initial wording?

The original wording is "gros trait du Hainaut" which directly translates to "large horse of Hainaut", so I think we're safe here. Dana boomer (talk) 14:20, 9 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"The studbook was under the responsibility of the combined studbook group Studbook of Northern Workhorses" bit "studbooky".
"continued to be introduced to the line" sorry, forgive my ignorance, but I don't understand this.
"16.1 hands (65 inches, 165 cm) " hand, imperial, metric, but " 850 to 1,000 kilograms (1,900 to 2,200 lb) for stallions" metric, imperial... I know this is picky but I'd prefer consistent ordering.
"with a stylized "N" brand on " would branding be a better link here?
"among the those confiscated by Germans " odd "the" and for what purpose why they confiscated?
"consumption of the Trait du Nord by butchers " this makes it sound like just the butchers consumed the meat!
Not sure you need to link Sicily and Guadeloupe.
"The French National Stud backed this degree" wrong National Stud linked...
Uses section reads a bit muddled for me, starts with "mining" and the beginning of the 20th century, then takes us to the 1950s, then back to the Industrial revolution.

I've done a bit of reorganizing within individual paragraphs, but left the general structure alone. The current organization of the section, with a general introduction, then a paragraph on farming and one on mining, works well, I think, rather than having farming and mining mixed in together just to get an exact chronological narrative. If you disagree, though, I'm open to other opinions. Dana boomer (talk) 14:57, 9 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

To supplement Dana's comment, WPEQ Horse breeds task force has a standardized format, with both a History and a Uses section. Sometimes it's a fine line as to what goes where, but while history gets written like, well, history, the philosophy beneath the uses section focuses on the horseman's gold standard of "form to function": What can this breed do, especially what do they do particularly well? So the "resume" if you will, is a functional one, not a chronological one. --MTBW

"generally four to eight to a" -> would "generally between four and eight to a..." be ok?
Some readers like the use of the format parameter for representing PDFs.
Ref 12 could use an accessdate for consistency.
I see whitespace between the two templates at the bottom of the page.

The Rambling Man (talk) 10:29, 2 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

TRM, thank you very much for the comments, and I apologize for the time I've taken in replying to them (I should have known better than to think I would get anything done on WP over 4th of July week!). I've begun work on the above, and should have the rest of it cleaned up by later today. Thanks again, Dana boomer (talk) 14:20, 9 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I have addressed everything above. I only put individual replies in spots where I had questions or comments - the rest I addressed without comment. Thanks again, Dana boomer (talk) 14:57, 9 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

No problem at all, I've been away too. My comments are pretty amateurish, I know, but girlfriend has nice grey Irish called Flynn so I pretend to be an expert in all thing equestrian these days...!! The Rambling Man (talk) 15:09, 9 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hee Hee! Rambling Man, you can pretend with US, but with your gal, the real trick to relationship success is to be her student, not already an expert! You are doing great! Montanabw^(talk) 20:06, 9 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]