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Wikipedia:Peer review/The Raven/archive1

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The Raven edit

The famous poem by Edgar Allan Poe. A couple of us have been putting some significant work into this article, essentially recreating it over the past month or two. I'm wondering if the information feels complete, well-organized, and well-presented with the intention of aiming for Good Article status. Also curious about its use of images. Some discussions were started throughout the article's talk page if anyone cares to take a look at where we struggled. Any comments are welcome and appreciated! --Midnightdreary 23:37, 4 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Awadewit edit

I like your username! I found this a very good start on "The Raven". Here are my suggestions for improvement.

Major content issues:

  • It seems that you rely on very few sources for this article. Since scholars have written so much on "The Raven", I was hoping for a greater diversity in the sources. Also, it is hard to know what the "scholarly consensus" is on a poem if you have only read a few books and articles (whether you have read more or not, I cannot know, but from the article it looks like not). Wikipedia articles are supposed to present the scholarly consensus, so it usually takes a lot of work to figure out what that is (I would assume that the Cambridge Companion would lead you to other sources via a bibliography or its footnotes). I have higher standards regarding this than other editors, though. Certainly for GA, no one will ask for that level of research (too bad, really). However, your restricted list of sources also limits the article. For example, you discuss only one real "theme"--loss. Certainly there are others. I would recommend a large expansion of that section ("allusions" are not themes, as I am sure you know - they can point to themes, but they are not themes in and of themselves).

Lead:

  • You might think about expanding the lead per WP:LEAD. Also, having one paragraph is a bit difficult for the reader who only glances at the article - I would separate out the first two sentences into their own first paragraph.
  • I think including a publication date in the first two sentences of the lead would be a good idea - let the reader know right away what time period the poem belongs to.
  • it tells of a talking raven's mysterious visit to a distraught lover, tracing the lover's slow descent into madness - Can we say a bit more about the lover?
  • Poe claims to have written the poem very logically and methodically to create a poem that would appeal to both critical and popular tastes - this is a bit vague and I'm not sure how "logically" connects to a broad appeal
  • The poem was inspired in part by a talking raven in the work of Charles Dickens and the complex rhythm and meter of Elizabeth Barrett. - which Dickens work? Barrett Browning herself doesn't have complex rhythm - her poetry does :); also, I believe she is usually referred to as "Elizabeth Barrett Browning"

Organization:

  • I would put the section on "Poetic structure" first, followed by a "Themes" section and then the "Allusions" section. I would illustrate the meter and rhyme scheme with a quotation - it helps readers follow what you are saying. Also, make clearer what "trochaic" means - most people don't know.
  • "The Raven" has also appeared in numerous anthologies, starting with Poets and Poetry of America edited by Rufus Wilmot Griswold in 1847. - What about putting this in the "Critical reception and impact" section?
  • The "illustration" paragraph could be arranged more coherently. Also, what has been said about these illustrations? Could you have a whole section on them? (See here for a small example of this kind of section; it's not the best, but you get the idea.)
  • I can see why you placed the "Composition" section later in the article, but I would place it after the "Overview". Although Poe's statements about inspiration and literary theory come chronologically after the publication of the poem, obviously his ideas about writing the poem came before the publication of the poem. To me, it makes more sense to put that section earlier in the article.
  • The information in the "Inspiration" section seems like it could be better placed - I would place the Dickens bit in the "Allusions" section and the Barret Browning bit in the "Poetic structure" bit.

Minor content issues:

  • Suddenly distraught, he remarks that his "friend" the raven will soon fly out of his life, as "other friends have flown before" as well as his previous hopes. - Is he "suddenly distraught"? I thought he was already distraught over Lenore? (awkward sentence contruction as well)
  • Nevertheless, "The Raven" has influenced many modern works, including " Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita in 1955, Bernard Malamud's "The Jewbird" in 1963 and Ray Bradbury's "The Parrot Who Knew Papa" in 1976. - Might you explain how?

Citations:

  • You need inline citations for any quotes from the poem that appear in the article. There are multiple versions of the poem, as you know, so the reader needs to know which one you are citing from.

Prose (I would suggest you find a copy editor for this article - there are a lot of awkward and wordy sentences). Here are some examples:

  • He thinks deeply about this, not saying anything, but his mind wanders back to his lost Lenore. - What is "this"?
  • Presumably at the time of the poem's recitation by the narrator, the raven "still is sitting" on the bust of Pallas, its shadow casting over his soul. - last phrase is awkward
  • The poem is about loss with the narrator having a perverse conflict between desire to forget and desire to remember. - awkward
  • The narrator is often assumed to be a young scholar, suggested by his reading books and the bust of Pallas, representing wisdom.[4] This is not explicitly stated in the poem. - Perhaps you could combine these two sentences?; also, the syntax is a bit awkward in the first sentence
  • Similar to the studies suggested in Poe's short story "Ligeia," it is likely meant to suggest the occult or black magic. - hard to follow - what is "it"?
  • This is emphasized in the choice of setting the poem in December, when the forces of darkness are believed to be especially active, and the use of the "devil bird" of the raven. - awkward and wordy
  • Later works paired "The Raven" with premier illustrators. - diction could be better
  • The poem made an instant impact. - vague; it would, at the very least, seem to be a positive impact

Minor style points:

  • Apostrophe "s"'s go inside links (see WP:MOS-L#Form).
  • All of the images are on the right side of the page - could you stagger them? It is more aesthetically pleasing that way (see WP:IMAGE). Per your question about the images, I think they are fine, although I didn't check their fair/free use status.

If you have any questions regarding this review, feel free to drop a line at my talk page. I'm happy to see someone working on this page - I assume it will be visited a lot! Awadewit | talk 22:18, 10 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Response All these suggestions were great, but I struggled with two of them. The information about how "Lolita" and Ray Bradbury were inspired is unclear and I'm not familiar with the works to comment further. My source didn't go beyond a quick mention. I also did not change the sentence, "The poem made an instant impact." I wasn't sure if adding the word "positive" would take away from WP:NPOV and, besides, the Critical Response section emphasizes both positive and negative. What do you think (or anyone else, for that matter)? --Midnightdreary 17:23, 13 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • If your sources do not expand on the influence on Bradbury and Nabokov, then you cannot say anything more. Did you look at any Bradbury and Nabokov sources, by the way? They might have more details. Awadewit | talk 07:12, 14 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • The reason I was suggesting "positive" is because that is what the evidence in the paragraph suggests. I would expect that the Cambridge Companion would have a general statement regarding the reception of the poem. Your "impact" sentence is a mini-claim followed by bits of evidence, so the claim should be as specific as possible. You need such a sentence, otherwise the section will simply become a list of critical responses and will not synthesize that data for the reader. I understand your concerns about original research, but I am confident that you can find a source that discusses the reception in broad enough terms to enable you to write a claim-sentence here. Awadewit | talk 07:12, 14 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Automated Peer Review edit

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Davnel03 15:16, 14 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

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