Wikipedia:Peer review/The Four Stages of Cruelty/archive1

The Four Stages of Cruelty edit

I started this a couple of weeks ago to fill a redlink and it's come on quite well, so I may put it up for FAC soon. Some fairly disgusting and cruel acts are depicted in the engravings, but if you stomach them it is an interesting bit of history. There's probably some wayward punctuation or dangling phrases that I can no longer see, so any fixes for those, as well as comments on the content, will be appreciated. Yomangani ^talk 16:00, 26 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Trebor edit

Nevertheless, the pictures still carry... - it's not really a contradiction with the sentence before, so I'm not sure "nevertheless" is the right word.
Second paragraph of the lead perhaps could be rephrased; at the moment, the second sentence overlaps a lot with the first.

The second paragraph should really be the first paragraph. I found out what the article was about after reading the second paragraph, and then went back to read the first paragraph to discover how this series of works fits in with the rest of Hogarth's works. I still find myself asking what was the intention (other than 'intended as a form of moral instruction') of Hogarth. Perhaps elaborate on why he was interested in moral instruction. The lead needs to be improved overall. See WP:LEAD-BiancaOfHell 09:40, 27 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Should "mass produced" have a hyphen? I'm never quite certain with these.
perhaps the dog's owner - if I can be picky and ask for a reference (I couldn't find anything saying this in ref 5, although I may have missed it).
perhaps an allusion to a nationalistic enmity - again, a citation would be good.
Unable to resist a poke at the law... - perhaps could be more encyclopaedically phrased. And does the reference later on cover this?
First paragraph of "The reward of cruelty" subsection could perhaps be split as it's pretty long.
Ref 17 looks odd and I can't work out how to fix it.

Not that much else I can find; it was a very enjoyable and informative read. For two weeks' work this is brilliant. Trebor 16:56, 26 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for another good review. I think "nevertheless" is right here: you might expect that the pictures would be very broad swipes at the subject from the lack of finesse in the engraving and the harshness of the message, and yet they aren't. I also liked "...a poke at the law", but I'll see if I can rephrase it without losing the sentiment. With regard to the citations - they are both in the references somewhere...now I just have to find them again (serves me right for not flagging them at the time, but when I started I didn't realise the article had so much to cover). Yomangani ^talk 17:24, 26 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

That's fine, don't feel any need to take my suggestions; you are much better-versed on these matters than me. Trebor 18:05, 26 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Opabinia edit

Not a subject I know much about, really, but since I was here I thought I'd have a look. It's a fascinating article, and excellent for only a couple of weeks' work.

Few nitpicky prose issues (that really only stand out because the article is very well written):
- The second sentence of the lead tries to crunch too much into one sentence and ends up leaving some things out; ideally the titles as well as the themes of all four prints would be included. Also, an appositive description for Surgeon's Hall would be helpful.
- "In a similar vein to other prints..." is awkward, especially as the first sentence of the first section; maybe just "Like other prints..."
- "even offering his tart to them in an attempt to appease them..." - try as I might, in the context of putting arrows in dogs' rectums, I can't read this without imputing some other meaning to the word "tart". It's not clear why this is an "even"; is there some significance to offering food?
- "another cat tied to a bladder" - wikilinking "bladder" may be unnecessary, but an explanation of why they'd tie one to the cat might be useful. (Are we supposed to assume it's filled with gas?)
- In the "Reception" section, "Sewell" is introduced without context; is his name relevant? If so, can his full name be given and linked?
- Second paragraph of the reception section has an abrupt transition from crediting Hogarth with turning public opinion against cockfighting to Charles Lamb's assessment (which could use fleshing out; was his objection due to the subject matter, the target audience, the style...?)
The indentation offset in the quote boxes isn't working for me when there's an image on the left; it appears at the same indentation level as the main text. Is this my browser's fault, the template's, or some formatting oddity in the article?
Is there any context provided for "Tom Nero" - is it just a generic name for the person, or does he have a "background story"? Why that name in particular? Opabinia regalis 06:11, 28 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for the review. I think I've addressed most of the points now, although for some there is no more information (other than original research). The boy's tart is probably his lunch so presumably he'd be reluctant to part with it (although if he is George III, I expect he has access to a few tarts), and I'd assume the bladder tied to the cat is intended to keep it afloat, but there is no reference that states either of these opinions outright. We don't know anything about Sewell other than his profession, but I've tried to reword it to emphasise that he isn't an important figure in this context. Yomangani^talk 00:55, 29 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  - Looks good! One question I just thought of: the lead says his body is 'stolen' from the gallows, but the later text implies that this is a fairly common occurrence that even became supported by law. Is 'stealing' the right term? Opabinia regalis 04:03, 29 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
    - Technically it was still stealing at the time, but I've toned it down. Yomangani ^talk 10:02, 29 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 15:48, 28 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]