Wikipedia:Peer review/The Boat Race 2012/archive1

The Boat Race 2012 edit

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I've listed this article for peer review because it's a GA, and I'd like to take it to FAC soon. I believe it's the most comprehensive report on this 48 minute 11 second event in the world, and would like others to give advice on what they'd like to see more/less of, and if there's anything standing out that should be included.

Thanks, The Rambling Man (talk) 20:29, 11 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Doing... Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 21:23, 2 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Just a note to say that this edit added a cite to a named results reference that doesn't exist; I had a quick look to see if I could figure out the intention and fix it, but was unable to. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:00, 7 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Got it, thanks. The Rambling Man (talk) 06:15, 7 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Is that it? For all the PRs I've done, and this is what I get back? The Rambling Man (talk) 20:34, 11 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

For all the peer reviews you've done, I am doing my first in probably a year ;-)

Overall this looks pretty good - I think the lead needs the most work, so here are some suggestions for improvement

I would make the first sentence something like The 158th annual Boat Race, a side-by-side rowing race between crews from the Universities of Oxford and Cambridge along the River Thames, took place on 7 April 2012. The first sentence needs to tell the reader more about the subject
I might add "temporarily" to this sentence The race was [temporarily] halted to avoid injury to protester Trenton Oldfield who swam in front of the boats.
The second lead paragraph is only one sentence currently. I might move (and tweak) this sentence there (as it interrupts the flow where it is now): Protester Oldfield was later jailed for six months for causing a public nuisance.
Reading the article, it seems clear that the borken blade (oar?) played a role in Oxford's loss (or at least the race was about even before, and Cambridge pulled away after the broken blade) - could the lead make this clearer?
More sentences to move to the second paragraph which could now read something like. Immediately after completing the race, a member of the Oxford crew collapsed (but recovered). As a result of the disruption caused by Oldfield, security for subsequent Boat Races was increased, and he was later jailed for six months for causing a public nuisance. The reserve race was won by Oxford's Isis in a record time, while the Women's Boat Race was won by Cambridge.

Thank you, I've adjusted the lead, taking on board most of your suggestions. The Rambling Man (talk) 08:13, 15 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

You are very welcome - let me re-read the rest of the article and make a few more comments. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 14:55, 15 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

More comments ...

It would be nice if there was a lead image of some sort. Commons also has File:RNLI_at_Boat_Race_2012_(6908356996).jpg which might work somewhere in the article, perhaps cropped? Does it show the guy who collapsed?
- It doesn't show the collapsed bowman unfortunately. The images at Commons are pretty ... average I'm afraid, I'm not seeing anything easy which might fit it. Having said that, there's a possibility I could find the logo for that year's race and use it under Fair Use. I'll see what I can do about that. The Rambling Man (talk) 06:56, 16 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
The article could also use {{Commonscat}} to link to all the photos of the race on Commons
- Done that. The Rambling Man (talk) 06:56, 16 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
In Background would it help to add the year to this sentence? Oxford went into the [2012] race as reigning champions, having beaten Cambridge by four lengths in the previous year's race.
- Yep, I've added that since you think it would help clarify things. The Rambling Man (talk) 06:56, 16 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I am not super clear on the meaning of the Tideway - I know it means the tidal Thames but is it the same course or near it or a partial overlap or what? It usually takes place on the Tideway, prior to the main Boat Race.
- To simplify things, I've replaced Tideway to Thames.
Should the section titled "Race" be titled "Races" instead (as it is about three different races)?
- Yep. Done that. The Rambling Man (talk) 06:56, 16 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Is the date of the women's race known?
- Located a source and added it. The Rambling Man (talk)
The infobox has a time for the race, but that time is mot mentioned in the article. In the article on the Boat Race itself in the section here it says It was the first time since 1849 that a crew had won the boat race without an official recorded winning time.[19] with the ref [1] cited that says Consolidated times due to race interruption (and a link to more detail in that ref). Might be worth adding something about this.
- In actual fact, the Boat Race official website describes the fact that the finishing judge consolidated the times (as you noted), so I've added a referenced sentence to the end of the Race section to that effect. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:32, 16 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Refs 16 and 17 are the same
- Good spot, thanks. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:32, 16 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Two refs use the term "ruined race" or "ruined the boat race" - could a sentence be added like "Press reaction was that Oldfield 'ruined the boat race'." or something similar?
- Added some media reaction. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:32, 16 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I am not a big fan of one sentence sections (or most one sentence paragraphs). Could the Oldfield and Increased security sections be combined, perhaps as something like "Oldfield's disruption" or "Disruption and aftermath"
- I merged the single-sentence para into the previous section, it seems to fit fine. Perhaps I had thought about expanding it in the future but never got round to it! The Rambling Man (talk) 07:32, 16 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]
The main Boat race article says Oldfield was fined £750 (in addition to the 6 month jail term) - should this be in the article too?
- Added. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:32, 16 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Hope this helps, let me know if you have questions or want me to look something over again here (and when this is at FAC). Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 01:59, 16 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

That's been very helpful Ruhrfisch, your time and comments are very much appreciated. I think I'll just dive into FAC, Publish and Be Damned and all that... ! Hope to see you there if you have the time, just to check I haven't wrecked the article in the meantime!! The Rambling Man (talk) 07:32, 16 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]