Wikipedia:Peer review/Stripped (Christina Aguilera album)/archive1

Stripped (Christina Aguilera album)

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because, I improved this article a lot and I think it has become a really good one, but I still wanted to know if I could do something!

Thanks, Olliyeah (talk) 13:41, 31 July 2008 (UTC)

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

• "" Exactly, she has co-written fourteen songs and has been involved in the production of the record, which majority was produced by Scott Storch and Linda Perry. The artist's public appearance has been critizised heavily in the US" needs a good copyedit...
  • Starting with "Exactly..." reads odd
  • "which majority was" - not good grammar
  • critizised - typo.
  • "The artist's" - you mean Aguilera? Refer to her by name, not The artist.
• "yielded 5 commercial singles to help selling over 9 million " 5->five, 9->nine.
• Headings should follow WP:HEAD so "Critical Reception" should be "Critical reception".
• " Rolling Stones Magazine " Rolling Stones magazine.
• "and is Christina's lowest " refer by her surname please.
• "you call her a @#%$" how do you pronounce @#%$? remember Wikipedia is not censored.
• "it said " Aguilera's ..." remove the space before A.
• " renowned American Idol judge" - we don't need this info here.
• Avoid overlinking - Dirrty is linked far too often.
• "but quickly began to slide down the charts" not particularly encyclopaedic.
• "due to massive downloads" ditto.
• Tour heading shouldn't be in italics, and none of the tour section is referenced.
• The personnel section reads like a huge trivia list. Trim it down.
• Have you considered looking at other album articles which are currently featured, e.g. Rock Steady (album)?
• Refs 53 through 79 need to make fuller use of the {{cite web}} template.

The Rambling Man (talk) 10:49, 4 August 2008 (UTC)

• • I've done the things you had listed here! Except the personell part- with which criteria should I trim it down? Olliyeah (talk) 07:02, 8 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Seegoon (talk · contribs)

Apologies if I repeat anything!

• "Stripped is the second English studio album" - "English" confused me in this context. I'd extend it to full "English language".
• "Christina supported the album with the Justified and Stripped and Stripped World Tour." - "Christina"? Aguilera, I think.
• "She has co-written fourteen songs and has been involved in the production of the record, which was mainly produced by Scott Storch and Linda Perry." - tense is a little off here. I'd change it to "She co-wrote..." and "and was involved". Plus, it doesn't flow too cleanly into the next sentence, which could also do with a little expanding upon.
• "The album has yielded five commercial singles to help selling over nine million copies worldwide." - again, weird tense. I'd remove "has".
• I've copy-edited the Background paragraph. It didn't flow well whatsoever. It's still not great, though.
• Your referencing, overall, is in dire straits. References 1, 2, 6, 7, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 39, 72 and 79 evidently need {{cite web}}-ing. 38 needs attention, evidently. References 2 and 3 need consolidating. Also, there are minor issues with almost all of them. For instance, under the publisher field, it's nice to have a wikilink. If relevant, for instance with magazines, you should use italics. Dates written like January 1, 2000 should be wikilinked too.
• I could keep going, but I think that it's more important that you do so. If you keep working at the prose, trying to make continuously flowing paragraphs instead of random sentences following one another, you could end up with something very nice. I'm going to give it a quick once-over in terms of MOS tweaks, but I think this just needs more and more TLC! Seegoon (talk) 00:53, 10 August 2008 (UTC)