Wikipedia:Peer review/Sebastian Shaw (actor)/archive2

Sebastian Shaw (actor) edit

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
This has been peer reviewed once, but it is currently a Good Article nomination, and I've been advised to seek one more copy edit. Would be very much appreciated.

Thanks, Hunter Kahn (talk) 12:41, 20 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Here's my comments on the lead:

"he made his Broadway debut in 1929, when he created the role of one of the two murderers in Rope's End." He created the role? Was he also the director? This needs to be clarified.

"He appeared in his first film, Caste, in 1930 and quickly began to create a name for himself in motion pictures, primarily due to his good looks." 'Create a name for himself' is peacock language and the claim it was due to his good looks need to be referenced. - Mgm|^(talk) 10:17, 24 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I changed both. Is that better? And will you be reading the rest of the article as well? -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 17:17, 25 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]