River Irwell edit
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like constructive criticism on it's content with a view to moving it to GAC status. I will be making a map for the article this week.
Thanks, Parrot of Doom (talk) 12:21, 21 October 2008 (UTC)
Brianboulton comments: A most interesting article. Below are some comments on the first few sections; more will follow later. As a general point, I think that the lead needs to be strengthened and extended, to become a summary of the whole article.
- Course: Can you confirm that the 39-mile length is from source to confluence with the Mersey? Is "south of Irlam" the same as "near Flixton", as mentioned in lead? fixed
- Natural History
- "Until the 19th century..." is too vague. Suggest: "Until the beginning of the 19th century..." Done
- Again, "during the 20th century" doesn't give enough information. Give an indication of when in the 20thC. This was a slow process over the 20th century as can be seen from the history section
- River Irwell catchment area
- The first four words should not be bolded (MOS) Done
- First part of second sentence needs to be slightly reorganised. I suggest; "The climate of the catchment area is, on average, wetter than that of the rest of the UK..." Done'
- "mm per annum" looks better than "mm/annum" Done
- Suggest "between 350 metres (1100 ft) and 450 metres (1500 ft)..." - that is, replace dash with "and" Done
- "Above Ordinance Datum (AOD)" should read "Above Ordnance Datum" (AOD) However, this sits awkwardly in the sentence, making it hard to understand. Try: "...450 metres (1500 ft) AOD," with a footnote explaining what AOD means Done
- Incidentally, why are the metric distances given first? This is the way they are given in the reference, which is standard for the UK - they don't talk about inches of rainfall on the weather forecast anymore
- History
- Can you give a date (approx) for when the Brigantes first setted in the area? Done
- See WP:ERA. This style recommends writing AD before year, thus, AD 79 (with space), AD 410, AD 910. Done
- Comma required after "proposed", unless you change the "and" after "proposed" to "as" Done
- Comma required after "Nottingham" Done
Perhaps you would consider these points. I will add some more comments later. Brianboulton (talk) 23:43, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
- (Note: I'm happy to continue the review, but would like first to see some response to my initial points.) Brianboulton (talk) 11:06, 4 November 2008 (UTC)