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Wikipedia:Peer review/Phi Beta Sigma/archive1

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Phi Beta Sigma edit

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because previous issues regarding the content have been resolved and the article has received extensive expansion

Thanks,  Educatedblkman  1914 (user)(talk) 19:06, 12 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Overall comments
  • This is a very well written essay on the Phi Beta Sigma. The writing was good, the history was well-chronicled, and there was sufficient historical context provided so that the reader could understand how the history of the fraternity meshed with broader historical events.
  • However, large portions of it don't really match with how wikipedia articles are generally written. That doesn't mean that it's bad--it's just not like other wikipedia articles.
    • It needs way more in-line references. Nothing should appear in an article unless it is specifically sourced somewhere. Right now, it is clear that much of the article is not sourced that way. See Wikipedia:Verifiability
  Doing...-- Educatedblkman  1914 (user)(talk) 21:41, 10 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • In many areas, it gives too much detail. For example, the section Genesis and founding shouldn't be 6 paragraphs long. Realistically, that can be summarized and cut by half. Again, this level of detail is OK for a fraternity audience, but not for the general audience of WIkipedia readers.
    • Be very careful to maintain a Wikipedia:Neutral point of view. Some sections stray close to a hagiography (like "Purpose of the fraternity." Try not to use adjectives like "countless" and "impressive." Those aren't neutral words.
  • The lead should be a concise summary of the article as a whole. There should be nothing in there that isn't in (and cited in) the main body. See WP:LEAD.
  • The Kappa Kappa Psi article is the most recent fraternity featured article. It would give you the best idea of how the article should read and be structured.
  • Good luck!
General content and style
  Done-- Educatedblkman  1914 (user)(talk) 21:41, 10 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The Phi_Beta_Sigma#International Presidents section probably should be either removed. Only 1 member has his own article.
  • I removed the templates with the chapter winners. That kind of material is usually frowned upon.
  • The Regions section is probably unnecessary.
  Doing... I will Look into possibly rewriting this section as FA Level articles Kappa Kappa Psi and Alpha Kappa Alpha Make mention of their regional divisions
    • Same with Phi Beta Sigma National Programs table. Pick a few charities and put them into prose.
  • I removed the mission statement. WP:MISSION
  • I removed some unnecessary external links. WP:EL
  • I removed flag icons from infobox. WP:INFOBOXFLAG
  • I removed the picture of the Temptations, as it violated the fair use rules. WP:NFCC
  • I removed ‎the list of Distinguished Service Chapter members. WP:NOTDIR
  • The content of Leonard F. Morse appears to the a copyright violation. Also, he doesn't appear to satisfy WP:GNG, so the article would be in danger of being deleted anyway.
  • Reduce the amount of large quoted blocks of text (like The creation of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority)
Article content/prose
The Creation of Zeta Phi Beta *  Done-- Educatedblkman  1914 (user)(talk) 21:41, 10 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Bigger and Better Business *  Doing...-- Educatedblkman  1914 (user)(talk) 21:41, 10 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
style="background:#9EFF9E;vertical-align:middle;text-align:center;" class="table-yes"|Yes A. Phillip Randolph is a member
  • The pull quotes from Brother I.L. Scruggs and Arthur W. Mitchell are confusing. The only makes sense upon reading the section, which goes against the point of a pull quote. Consider a different quote, or clarify this one using [brackets]. The quote from "Founder Leonard F. Morse – 1949" is good.
  Doing...-- Educatedblkman  1914 (user)(talk) 21:41, 10 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • There is a lot of intra-fraternity jargon--meaning that fraternity titles and honorifics are used. (i.e. "Founder Taylor" and "brothers James Weldon Johnson and A. Phillip Randolph ") However, this article is for general audiences. Consider modifying these to be more general.
    • Try using "Sigma Brother", like in the caption for the picture of John Lewis. That works.
  Doing...-- Educatedblkman  1914 (user)(talk) 21:41, 10 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Citations
  • I wasn't sure what was going on with the references/citations sections at the bottom. I combined them into a more standard format.
  • The references should be standardized. It's safest to use the templates from Wikipedia:Citation templates.
  • Do not use "Ibed" as a reference. That refers to the previous reference, and that reference is broken if someone changes the order of the text or adds a new reference. Just copy the same reference.
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