Paul Rand edit
This peer review discussion has been closed.
This is already at 'Good Article' standard but I want it to become featured, and thus I would like some feedback before that stage.
Thanks, Wackymacs (talk) 17:04, 18 April 2008 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article about someone I had never heard of but whose work I had seen. Here are some suggestions for improvement to FA status:
- I would find a model FA article Biography article - I know El Greco is FA, but there is probably a closer fit.
- The lead needs to be expanded and to summarize the whole article. My rule of thumb is that if something is a header in the article, it should at least be mentioned in the lead. My rule of thumb is that if something is a header in the article, it should at least be mentioned in the lead. Nothing should be in the lead only, as for example the Art Students League is now. See WP:LEAD
- I think more people know Yale is in New Haven than know where the Pratt Institute and the Art Students League are (so perhaps say NYC in the lead)
- Why not give his full birthdate in Early life...
- Missing a period? ... while taking night classes at the Pratt Institute[.][and not "," ?] Rand was by-and-large “self-taught...
- Broken link for "[Gebrauchsgraphik]"
- I like to start each section mentioning the article name as early as possible -
- I have never seen Images labeled "Figure A", B, C, etc.
- There are an awful lot of red links in the article and may be seen as a negative at FAC
- Provide context for the reader - see WP:PCR. For example, there is only his birth year in Early life and education, and no dates at all in the first four prargraphs of Early career
- Watch POV / Peacock language - for example Indisputably, Rand’s most widely known contribution to graphic design are his corporate identities, ... see WP:NPOV and WP:PEACOCK
- I think this needs a copyedit to tighten it up some
- The organization seems a bit odd - the Corporate identities section would seem to be a good end, or at least good towards the end (and ends with mention of his death), but it is the middle of the article. Again a model article might help
Hope this helps, you can ask for another reviewer's opinion at WP:PRV Ruhrfisch ><>°° 01:24, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
Comments from Risker (talk · contribs)
- Concur with Ruhrfisch's comments above.
- You might want to look at Salvador Dali or El Lissitzky as other examples of FAs
- A bibliography would be useful, I think; you make reference to a few of his written works
- The prose could use some tightening. I've found Tony's guide to be very helpful.
- Check Words to avoid. The "undoubtedly" at the beginning of the "Modernist influences" section stood out particularly.
- I haven't seen images as "Figure A, B, C" before, but I have seen "Illustration 1,2,3" including tomorrow's main page article, Prince's Palace of Monaco; that article has 18 images, though.
- Per WP:LAYOUT, images B&C should probably be offset more, as they are squeezing the text in between.
Thanks for asking me to review, I hope these suggestions are helpful. Risker (talk) 06:09, 27 April 2008 (UTC)